tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6817758886482293942024-03-12T23:01:50.229-06:00Musings of a Crazy RedheadEileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.comBlogger196125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-7425929485654430582024-01-30T12:03:00.001-07:002024-01-30T12:03:27.082-07:00Autism: A New Diagnosis in a Poem<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMH_g62b4JJSbRQz6n6UIZQoNSb2VCby9o_tHC1s3VqK4V-mqxZm28XLPfloRhu_kCUnFx822W3XVbMcICPVDx-2OycrhSmQ829QX4crVF09ud6yFJKxjYwkIsuzV9rYnp_INcDg1ndReH2-5IotMJx1vqfrhd2wuwCBIVXS7oywijfNCIwsPuWHvH5qIe/s4656/20230715_193019_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4656" data-original-width="3492" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMH_g62b4JJSbRQz6n6UIZQoNSb2VCby9o_tHC1s3VqK4V-mqxZm28XLPfloRhu_kCUnFx822W3XVbMcICPVDx-2OycrhSmQ829QX4crVF09ud6yFJKxjYwkIsuzV9rYnp_INcDg1ndReH2-5IotMJx1vqfrhd2wuwCBIVXS7oywijfNCIwsPuWHvH5qIe/s320/20230715_193019_HDR.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /><p></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Autism,</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">But I don’t</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Comprehend what this new</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Diagnosis means for my son — for our family.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Emotional meltdowns</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Figure into our daily life, or</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Get in the way of our daily life.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">He needs help — more than</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">I can</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Juggle at this time.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Love and laugh with him —</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Maybe I can do that. I know</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">No one can do this alone.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Others have (and will) help</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Prepare us. They will answer</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Questions we have.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Son, I wish you could</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Tell me what you need.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Use your words please.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Voice your thoughts. Finally,</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">What can I do for</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">You to thrive in this</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Zigzag world?</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">I have friends and relatives who are on the spectrum, so I’ve been nominally familiar with it all. I worked with some tweens at the school with autism too. Many friends have family have talked about their experiences, so we are learning.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Because my son personally looked us in the eye, my husband and I didn’t think he had autism. Though many have suspected my son had autism. It is hard to tell when his frequent ear infections interfered with his early speech development. He currently speaks several years below his level, so it’s been hard to gauge what my be autism or just a delay. Even the psychologist wasn’t sure the ratio. Still, he has received school services for several years. Now we will work on the other therapies that insurance should help cover now!</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Good luck to you other families too!</span></span></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-57728892287657567762023-04-03T22:11:00.004-06:002023-04-03T22:19:42.662-06:00Naptime<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8NlhROW3K6cJBjRziY1AmwhFGKkcag5MyY0N82uLF1QkH5AvpoIWs1e-3zTeuoYN4hWoa8FmLxfmJa0fe0D2xqbjdB65_GB6Uwd_Ar2KY0uWPQk29SCxIZz5u5uVg0zmaNZ675dzPoHH5ypwVZ_hkiPkh6_A31xI9TDKId-3j4-Ob5lCQzytnSCNOHg/s2688/PXL_20210822_034134868.NIGHT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="2688" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8NlhROW3K6cJBjRziY1AmwhFGKkcag5MyY0N82uLF1QkH5AvpoIWs1e-3zTeuoYN4hWoa8FmLxfmJa0fe0D2xqbjdB65_GB6Uwd_Ar2KY0uWPQk29SCxIZz5u5uVg0zmaNZ675dzPoHH5ypwVZ_hkiPkh6_A31xI9TDKId-3j4-Ob5lCQzytnSCNOHg/s320/PXL_20210822_034134868.NIGHT.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Original photo</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Lord, let me retire</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22795" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22796" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yet mind fired; body expired</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22797" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22798" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ideas twirl whirl swirl
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22799" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22800" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Face afire, icy toes</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22801" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22802" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Flip pillow, rub toes</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22803" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22804" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Toss, turn--</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22805" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22806" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sheets tumbled jumbled crumpled
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22807" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22808" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22809" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22810" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Align hips, spine straight</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22811" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22812" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Drop head to pillow
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22813" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22814" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Shoulder to toe burrow below
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22815" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22816" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22817" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22818" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22819" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22820" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22821" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22822" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Finally, brain refrains</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22823" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22824" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Thoughts in, thoughts out</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22825" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22826" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Breathe in, breathe out</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22827" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22828" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22829" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22830" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22831" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22832" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22833" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22834" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22835" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22836" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Lungs billow, </span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22837" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22838" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Drool on pillow</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22839" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22840" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">No thoughts, no oughts</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22841" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22842" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Zero consciousness</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22843" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22844" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Blessed nothingness</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22845" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22846" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">--</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22847" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22848" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Strange streaming, dreaming</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22849" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22850" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Clasping, grasping vivid images</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22851" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22852" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yet lapsing, collapsing memory</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22853" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22854" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Breaking light, waking sight</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22855" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22856" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Birds' hymns, stretch limbs</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22857" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22858" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Muscles relieved, rest received </span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22857" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22858" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22859" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="22860" data-slate-object="text"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="22861" data-slate-fragment="%7B%22object%22%3A%22document%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Lord%2C%20let%20me%20retire%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Yet%20mind%20fired%3B%20body%20expired%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Ideas%20twirl%20whirl%20swirl%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Face%20afire%2C%20icy%20toes%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Flip%20pillow%2C%20rub%20toes%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Toss%2C%20turn--%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Sheets%20tumbled%20jumbled%20crumpled%20%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Align%20hips%2C%20spine%20straight%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Drop%20head%20to%20pillow%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Shoulder%20to%20toe%20burrow%20below%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Finally%2C%20brain%20refrains%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Thoughts%20in%2C%20thoughts%20out%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Breathe%20in%2C%20breathe%20out%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22%5Cr%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Lungs%20billow%2C%20%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Drool%20on%20pillow%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%2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data-slate-object="block"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-key="22862" data-slate-object="text">I finished writing this poem and now I want to fall asleep. How about you? Anyway, if you are conscious enough, I'd appreciate a follow, tip, or monthly pledge. You can also find my musings on my personal </span><a class="css-2fz1t3-Node" data-key="22863" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://musingsofcrazyredhead.blogspot.com/"><span data-key="22864" data-slate-object="text">blog</span></a><span data-key="22865" data-slate-object="text">, </span><a class="css-2fz1t3-Node" data-key="22866" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/1155042698322248"><span data-key="22867" data-slate-object="text">Facebook</span></a><span data-key="22868" data-slate-object="text">, and </span><a class="css-2fz1t3-Node" data-key="22869" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://twitter.com/oeileend_oed"><span data-key="22870" data-slate-object="text">Twitter</span></a></span><span data-key="22871" data-slate-object="text">.</span></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-30156685787272652252022-10-30T21:50:00.002-06:002022-10-30T21:50:46.268-06:00How to Gain Weight Quickly<p class="graf graf--p"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ePi-SpYn08-hgm7GfQJfkyTuavhpamjs0MGzJ5xEqYS2cssEzMhWQEms64-ftSwC3FBNbd6PVXeCqVNTkzlntGox0g4pVZFCUz9OXoj3PmqUn7To_KIU1GvcBVnUTMSY332yglRUquE4X_4uY91k54pYLn2hFer8GbtdwLBohqi0hLJGjvQSA3U7XQ/s3264/MVIMG_20191109_194819.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2448" data-original-width="3264" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ePi-SpYn08-hgm7GfQJfkyTuavhpamjs0MGzJ5xEqYS2cssEzMhWQEms64-ftSwC3FBNbd6PVXeCqVNTkzlntGox0g4pVZFCUz9OXoj3PmqUn7To_KIU1GvcBVnUTMSY332yglRUquE4X_4uY91k54pYLn2hFer8GbtdwLBohqi0hLJGjvQSA3U7XQ/s320/MVIMG_20191109_194819.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Selfie</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><b><br /></b></p><p class="graf graf--p"><b>You know this is your true goal. Hardy-har-har.</b></p><p class="graf graf--p">I keep seeing articles about how to lose weight. People, this is not the answer! I tell you, you need a different mindset and solution. Good thing I know how to gain weight quickly — even 130 lbs. I’ve done it over the last 20 years. It’s rather simple really. Let me share my tips with you!</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="c07d">Medication with the Side Effect of Weight Gain</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="fec7">First, have an illness that requires medication with the side effect of extra hunger. Many mental illness medications will do that for you. (Okay, some balancing illness and side effects may be necessary.) This is how I gained my first 30 lbs. Even lots of exercise sometimes — like 3 hours of dancing, biking, and/or walking — won’t combat this.</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="367e">Don’t Sleep at Night</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="5a6d">Second, have manic episodes where you can’t fall asleep at night. This way you are tired during the day and can’t burn as many calories. I also suggest bedtime revenge procrastination. You have lots of stress and you feel out of control. This is how I gained probably lots of pounds. Honestly, I have no idea how much it contributed.</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="9c59">Overeating Because You Feel a Loss of Control</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="2ab7">Second, engage in a binge eating disorder, but it can’t include any purging. Don’t worry. Just pretend you want to gain control in your life by the one thing you feel you can control: how much you eat. Or rather, that you have to eat when a cafeteria prepares it only three times a day. If you miss one, goodbye to a meal. So you overeat at each meal. I did this by eating extra food at each available meal. By the way, this habit will continue years after if you let it. This was probably some cause for 20/30 lbs. while starting new medications. Add another 10–20 lbs after that for feeling unable to control when I could eat.</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="1154">Don’t Feel Normal</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="8166">Getting on the right medication for the right diagnosis, thus reducing stress, will combat the weight gain process. I mean, that makes it so you sleep normal, eat normal, be normal. Sadly, I lost 10–15 lbs while staying extra busy. Too busy until I crashed after marriage. Wait, I may have been a little manic.</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="22c4">Bad Job, Birth Control Good for You</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="e96c">When you crash, make sure to crash real hard. Stay in a crummy job where they harass you, and go into a depressive mode for a few months. Oh, I forgot. Be on hormonal birth control too like so many women are at the same time as all the other fun stuff.</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="c436">Shame, Shame Morning Sickness</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="e3a2">But watch out for morning sickness during pregnancy. That will make you lose 16 lbs. Your ob/gyn will say it’s not a fun way to lose weight, but the results are good. (By the way, I switched to another doctor for the rest of my pregnancy. I wonder why.)</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="218b">The key after that is to feel stressed and have a remaining binge disorder for a few years more. Oh, and joblessness. And post-partum depression. And switching to an even more infamous weight-gaining med. Pushing a stroller around with another friend may combat some of your progress. But drinking lots of lemonade to calm your stomach during your third pregnancy will help you gain back some weight.</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="f495">Repeat the Cycle</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="8e9b">You need to keep stressing over life. I can’t emphasize stressing enough. I mean it activates that cortisol, fight-or-flight, the lizard brain, increased hunger, all kinds of good stuff. You can do some exercise stuff, which will defeat your weight gain purpose. Luckily, the stress will usually kick back in. And don’t you dare learn coping techniques.</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="0b45">Bad Events, Trauma, All Fun Stuff</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="8c97">So my third son had a near-fatal accident three years ago and the family all had PTSD after. I can’t recommend this mysterious brain injury more. I mean, I gained 30 lbs. Don’t read <em class="markup--em markup--p-em">The Body Keeps the Score</em> by Bessel van der Kolk or get therapy. These might heal that brain injury. I mean, I had the best effects from PTSD, like anger, night terrors, blowup moments, and stress.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="c818">I can’t stress avoiding trauma-informed therapy enough — like exposure therapy, psychoeducation, EMDR, cognitive behavioral training, prayer and meditation, exercise, or talk therapy.</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="bfeb">A Crappy Night’s Sleep</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="c093">Now gaining weight might cause beneficial things like obstructing your airways at night. This is fun because you have sleep apnea, thus less oxygen at night. Crappy sleep will help you gain weight and increase your stress level. Don’t get help for sleep apnea — like a CPAP, mouth device, or oxygen at night.</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="f794">Finally, Don’t Learn to Manage Stress</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="c5f5">Stress is the best way to gain weight. I don’t recommend anything like professional help, exercise, meditation, coping techniques, a life coach, or adequate sleep. I mean stress probably caused most of my weight gain.</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="731a">Seriously, Though</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="9119">Yes, I have told you a tale of woe because I am sick of seeing quick hacks to a very real problem of obesity and eating disorders. Or the extremes of the body positivity movement that celebrates obesity. This is a serious epidemic that leads to many problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure, compromised immunity, lack of movement, and a shortened life span. Likewise, excessive weight loss causes many health problems too.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="bf78">We must strive for balance and moderation, stress reduction, and accept that we can’t control outside circumstances. I personally recommend finding people to help you in your journey to be a healthy weight for you. Find friends, family, support groups, doctors, coaches, and so many others.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="3bdb">Lastly, our bodies are a divine gift. I’m working on how to take care of it. I imagine you are too. Let’s not get caught up in the extremes, but find what works for our bodies.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="0609">Lots of love!</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="fea2">Crazy Redheaded Lady</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="b27a"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">If you enjoyed my sarcasm, you can possibly find more by subscribing to my </em><a class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" data-href="https://vocal.media/authors/eileen-davis" href="https://vocal.media/authors/eileen-davis" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Vocal </em></a><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">page or following me on </em><a class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" data-href="https://twitter.com/oeileend_oed" href="https://twitter.com/oeileend_oed" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Twitter</em></a><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">, </em><a class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" data-href="https://twitter.com/oeileend_oed" href="https://twitter.com/oeileend_oed" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Facebook</em></a><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">, </em><a class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" data-href="https://medium.com/@davis-eileen3" href="https://medium.com/@davis-eileen3" target="_blank"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Medium</em></a><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">, or my personal </em><a class="markup--anchor markup--p-anchor" data-href="https://musingsofcrazyredhead.blogspot.com/" href="https://musingsofcrazyredhead.blogspot.com/" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">blog </em></a>Musings of a Crazy Redhead<em class="markup--em markup--p-em">.</em> <em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Personally, I recommend tipping or pledging too through my Vocal page. ;)</em></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-44776541859452269552022-10-09T22:47:00.002-06:002022-10-09T22:47:44.005-06:00Nocturnal Geometry<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmz3a7xrf5cbYs_My7u0tGahi7qfw9nutakynxDPjVRzX5NQtgPZ3X6vxhST3lq1QhzoHD1iP8H5TAWmoNk4P4Swa22zn0XzjmttmpigI6CbnUjTH-DVcr2w5TFQsu7q_iXEiqVpx-G4qgiLrN7BBxpv_MdeIY3-g5ii44piWlLxmTa8uq4L_k_-8M_Q/s2688/PXL_20220703_045839795.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="2688" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmz3a7xrf5cbYs_My7u0tGahi7qfw9nutakynxDPjVRzX5NQtgPZ3X6vxhST3lq1QhzoHD1iP8H5TAWmoNk4P4Swa22zn0XzjmttmpigI6CbnUjTH-DVcr2w5TFQsu7q_iXEiqVpx-G4qgiLrN7BBxpv_MdeIY3-g5ii44piWlLxmTa8uq4L_k_-8M_Q/s320/PXL_20220703_045839795.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Eileen Davis</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>Inverted bowl of blackish blue </p><p>Over rural acute-angled roofs, </p><p>Girls giggle, bouncing on canvas circle. </p><p>Then circumference springs support reclined friends </p><p>Musing of sacred mysteries. </p><p>Soon we slumber under Perseus’s protection.</p><p>- ---</p><p>Under beams of immortal moon, </p><p>Westward of any plotted town, </p><p>Youth leaders guide my eyes </p><p>Through magnified lenses </p><p>Upon reflective rocks, </p><p>Cratered orbs, clouded globes, </p><p>Dusted iced rock ovals-- </p><p>Mere mirrors of superior suns. </p><p>----</p><p>Under shroud of bluish black</p><p>Adjacent steepled spaces,</p><p>Sacred silence encompasses.</p><p>My gaze reaches Orion’s belt.</p><p>Unlike Orion who hunted beasts,</p><p>We’d hunted, nay gathered, ancestors home,</p><p>Mortals to achieve immortal mansions.</p><div>----</div><p>Like spilled milk across dark granite top, </p><p>Within wire perimeters,</p><p>Feet sink in the grass,</p><p>My finger aims to Polaris</p><p>Guiding my son's eyes above.</p><p>Two dippers stream celestial serene, </p><p>Intersect upon our axis.</p><p>----</p><p>Beneath sky's stalactites</p><p>Over suburban pentagonal homes </p><p>Lighted linear paths, darkened rectangle yards </p><p>My house obscured; no lights left on. </p><p>Two perched on back porch steps. </p><p>Warm wind brushes over our squared legs; </p><p>Two entwined hands triangulate. </p><p>As one outstretched grasp, </p><p>our corporeal compass circumscribes </p><p>Charted pinpoints, like glimmering glass fragments, </p><p>Pressed upon a mosaic map. </p><div><br /></div><div>I capture the moments throughout my life where I have gazed at the stars and been infused with God's love. I refer to a sleepover, stargazing at a Young Women's activity, looking at Orion's belt after doing baptisms for the dead in the Monticello Latter-day Saint temple, and stargazing with my sons and my husband.</div>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-81256747168576792052022-10-09T00:08:00.001-06:002022-10-09T00:10:42.259-06:00To What One Clings<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcZiqMWOugvsObRgtM6u8q_ucezlVyaLU6T-koagk3tcfhp1y4-TrIFzuK089KK9ouzeLF4KfcQo5Rr6xbsrRb2RPAGIcDnEV19iKWmQZj-5l71uocllBVucfUecMz7uSr4doAiIgvyYaIPNQE_Pmm4bQTRBxX61Zs974WcjnWEskZ5cwv1t-mxQcFsg/s2688/PXL_20220630_234411193.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="2688" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcZiqMWOugvsObRgtM6u8q_ucezlVyaLU6T-koagk3tcfhp1y4-TrIFzuK089KK9ouzeLF4KfcQo5Rr6xbsrRb2RPAGIcDnEV19iKWmQZj-5l71uocllBVucfUecMz7uSr4doAiIgvyYaIPNQE_Pmm4bQTRBxX61Zs974WcjnWEskZ5cwv1t-mxQcFsg/s320/PXL_20220630_234411193.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p>-Eileen Davis</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><o:p><br /></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Gather my sons<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Around the
fire.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Faith will hold
you<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">As you cling to
it.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">I can only
guide <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">As you see fit.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Peril, my sons,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Shall surely
try thee.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Foes bereave us;<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Friends will
flee;<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Fun deceives
the wise<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Who pray on
bended knee.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Trials, my
sons,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Shall test thy
will.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Pry away wrong;<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Prove your
strength:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Praying and
pleading<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">To hold at
length.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Experience, my
sons,</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Shall be for
thy good.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Based on Doctrine and Covenants section 122 when God explains to Joseph Smith this experience is for his good.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-123480596657863482022-05-09T22:38:00.000-06:002022-05-09T22:38:36.600-06:00Why I Quit My Second Job<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNDuYhWp2JGdBougkGvuxoi3xtFm-bIEYp9naagpjZrnNxU0RqM8ZfO2AWD0n0MZsbksaJk7bovq4muhdNAbr4RsOm9y691lnvdgGXuxlxzErJyLui16wSDBGU7zW2Tc87vyeI95DGaoh_2jjbqJTfeoEVEQzzMvWTo3KkCZBGEPxc-U6wr1QCVHfneA/s2688/PXL_20220326_185729927.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2688" data-original-width="1512" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNDuYhWp2JGdBougkGvuxoi3xtFm-bIEYp9naagpjZrnNxU0RqM8ZfO2AWD0n0MZsbksaJk7bovq4muhdNAbr4RsOm9y691lnvdgGXuxlxzErJyLui16wSDBGU7zW2Tc87vyeI95DGaoh_2jjbqJTfeoEVEQzzMvWTo3KkCZBGEPxc-U6wr1QCVHfneA/w226-h400/PXL_20220326_185729927.jpg" width="226" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Secret Garden at Thanksgiving Point (photo by Author)</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>Many of us operate on the cordiality principle where we want to please others around us. This desire helps bind us as a community, but can also backfire. We can overcommit ourselves when we won't say no to another person. I fell into this trap this spring (as I have many springs when my energy returns).</p><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="11921" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11922" data-slate-object="text">A Second Job</span></h2><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11923" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11924" data-slate-object="text">Feeling extra pressure from rising inflation, I applied for a second job at a grocery store. The "Now Hiring" sign advertised up to $15 an hour and a $500 bonus. When I didn't hear from the store for a week, I increased my hours as a tutor. Weeks later, the store hired me during the interview at $12 an hour and a six-month bonus. I started two weeks later on a Tuesday night. Because I had written my availability before increasing my hours at my tutoring job, they scheduled me for too many hours and at inconvenient times.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11925" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11926" data-slate-object="text">I enjoyed working at the grocery store because I socialized with many acquaintances I rarely see, but I missed seeing my children for two days in a row. So I reduced my hours at both my jobs to reduce stress and increase family time. Yet I wouldn't say no as many people-pleasers do. I wanted to please my coworkers at both jobs to the detriment of my mental health.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11927" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11928" data-slate-object="text">Before a Saturday evening shift, my husband and I talked about the impact of working too much when I felt an oncoming panic attack and suicidality. I debated working more, but I had to disappoint others to maintain my mental health. Otherwise, I have no strength to help anyone. Finally, I felt the peace I had prayed for when I made the decision to quit. About an hour before my shift, I handed in my uniform and said I needed to quit for my mental health. The supervisor said, "Okay."</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11929" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11930" data-slate-object="text">I still hated to disappoint him.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11931" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11932" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11932:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">Do you feel conflicted when you say no, even when it is for your health? Are you overworking yourself to relieve financial stress?</em></span></span></p><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="11933" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11934" data-slate-object="text">Effects of Stress</span></h2><blockquote class="css-1i5iivr-Node" data-key="11935" data-slate-object="block"><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11936" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11937" data-slate-object="text">I am told to play mother,
</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11938" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11939" data-slate-object="text">Scholar, wife, CEO, or another.
</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11940" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11941" data-slate-object="text">I can’t fulfill all these roles
</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11942" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11943" data-slate-object="text">Without access to all controls.
</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11944" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11945" data-slate-object="text">
</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11946" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11947" data-slate-object="text">I cannot rule a boss or a man;
</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11948" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11949" data-slate-object="text">I can only do what I can.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11950" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11951" data-slate-object="text">--"</span><a class="css-2fz1t3-Node" data-key="11952" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://musingsofcrazyredhead.blogspot.com/2015/02/as-woman.html"><span data-key="11953" data-slate-object="text">As</span></a><span data-key="11954" data-slate-object="text"> a Woman" by Eileen Davis</span></p></blockquote><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11955" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11956" data-slate-object="text">In my health coach's group, we often discuss saying "no" to protect our health. My coach sees too many women gain weight because they stretch themselves too thin. As a result of too much stress, I know women who lose weight too. We learn overcommitting ourselves affects our physical and mental health because of negative stress. The constant state of stress and overproduction of cortisol increases our hunger, headaches, muscle tension, and </span><a class="css-2fz1t3-Node" data-key="11957" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050987"><span data-key="11958" data-slate-object="text">more</span></a><span data-key="11959" data-slate-object="text">. Thus, our bodies and minds need short and long periods of recovery.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11960" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11961" data-slate-object="text">And yes, we need to unwind away from electronic devices, which actually stimulate the brain. I have a hard time with this because I still play puzzle games on my phone (but I listen to calming music!). Instead, I need to increase my recovery time. I've listed that drawing, stretching, deep breaths, calm music, swinging, and looking at the stars help me destress. I am working on these techniques, an ongoing process.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11962" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11963" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11963:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">How has stress affected you? What activities calm you?</em></span></span></p><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="11964" data-slate-object="block" style="text-align: left;"><span data-key="11965" data-slate-object="text">A Time and a Season</span></h2><blockquote class="css-1i5iivr-Node" data-key="11966" data-slate-object="block"><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11967" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11968" data-slate-object="text">To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven...a time to break down, and a time to build up... A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away...a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11969" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11970" data-slate-object="text">Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3, 6, 7</span></p></blockquote><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11971" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11972" data-slate-object="text">The ancients knew that there is a time and season for activity and rest--that we need moderation in all things. This is difficult in our present emphasis on productivity. But as the seasons change, we need seasons of rest and recovery too. </span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11973" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11974" data-slate-object="text">Particularly, there are times "to speak" no and times to "keep silence" to indicate a no. "No" can be powerful to restore balance in our lives, so we can say "yes" to more important matters. Thus, we will be more present and productive during the important activities.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11975" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11976" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11976:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">How do you think setting boundaries by saying "no" will help you?</em></span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11977" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11978" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11978:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">
</em></span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11979" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11980" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11980:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">If you want to say "yes" to my content, please subscribe, tip, or pledge. Yes, yes, just one more thing you should say "no" to. </em></span></span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="11981" 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data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="11982" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11982:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">You can also follow me on </em></span></span><a class="css-2fz1t3-Node" data-key="11983" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/1155042698322248"><span data-key="11984" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11984:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">Facebook</em></span></span></a><span data-key="11985" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11985:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">, </em></span></span><a class="css-2fz1t3-Node" data-key="11986" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://twitter.com/oeileend_oed"><span data-key="11987" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11987:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">Twitter</em></span></span></a><span data-key="11988" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11988:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark"> @oeileend_oed, </em></span></span><a class="css-2fz1t3-Node" data-key="11989" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://medium.com/@davis-eileen3"><span data-key="11990" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11990:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">Medium</em></span></span></a><span data-key="11991" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11991:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">, and <a href="https://vocal.media/authors/eileen-davis">Vocal</a></em></span></span><span data-key="11994" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="11994:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">.</em></span></span></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-91883041004439103162022-04-28T21:41:00.000-06:002022-04-28T21:41:28.752-06:00Coming to Terms with My Bisexuality Within a My Moral Framework<p class="MsoNormal"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJYzccUUxQZOVF0S54WEsflUpu0UagTsfCI4eZW3FB-oiDCFAeMSTsyUfLPXyCN8JzB1pm_bUOR3qeFzVCzC1j-oBhGVLvp_7yNhJdUYbmBXMPprFFaHwKRFuuFGL_8jIqg6oE5Kro3QwGbBO9Vhfdl72FcP1GJIx1WJ80G0-rbbGwq8WcN7-UhJNhgg/s2688/MVIMG_20200807_162148.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2688" data-original-width="1512" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJYzccUUxQZOVF0S54WEsflUpu0UagTsfCI4eZW3FB-oiDCFAeMSTsyUfLPXyCN8JzB1pm_bUOR3qeFzVCzC1j-oBhGVLvp_7yNhJdUYbmBXMPprFFaHwKRFuuFGL_8jIqg6oE5Kro3QwGbBO9Vhfdl72FcP1GJIx1WJ80G0-rbbGwq8WcN7-UhJNhgg/w180-h296/MVIMG_20200807_162148.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">selfie</td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I didn't "come out" as bisexual until Summer 2021
partially because I didn't have a </span><a href="https://vocal.media/humans/let-s-see-ourselves-as-more-than-one-dimensional"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">term</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
for my sexuality until a few years ago. Even when I did mention my sexual
orientation almost two years ago, I only mentioned it briefly in a blog post.
Later, I mentioned it in the context of tribalism on my personal Facebook page.
No one said anything about my subtle "coming out". In a way, this
comforted me because my friends and family viewed me as the same person. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I Knew<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In January 2000, I first felt same-sex attraction at sixteen
years old during a school practice. This shocked me because I had an almost
constant attraction to males, so it just didn't make sense. I knew Ellen
Degeneres was a lesbian. My distant relative was gay. And Leonardo DiCaprio was
bisexual--whatever that was. Despite DiCaprio, 90s media mainly portrayed the
binary of straight or gay/lesbian, so I didn't understand where I
"fit" in. I feared I might be a lesbian, but that didn't fit my
experience of only fleeting attraction to females.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After this, I trusted my body's signals less. My libido
already exceeded the normal level of my peers due to bipolar 2 symptoms (still
undiagnosed). And already dealing with the shame associated with preteen
compulsive self-stimulation, I only felt more shame and confusion. Generally, I
feared my own sexuality. I only dared to share about self-stimulation--and not
same-sex attraction. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Trusted adults reassured me self-stimulation was a natural
inclination, and they encouraged me to forgive myself. Instead, I absorbed the
shame my peers communicated subconsciously. So this definitely meant not
admitting to same-sex attraction to anyone, especially in light of a few peers'
degrading </span><a href="https://vocal.media/theSwamp/lehi-high-chemistry-teacher-let-fear-turn-into-bullying-some-students"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">remarks</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
on homosexuality.<o:p></o:p></span></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">College</span></b></h3><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">While at college, I had a resurgence of same-sex attraction
when I felt depressed during my second semester at BYU. Ironically, my
attraction to males decreased significantly. I didn't share my feelings with
anyone, but I think some people may have understood. For example, my sister had
the impression that one of my struggles was same-sex attraction. She shared her
impression later on and I confirmed it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One college friend expressed that women can feel attracted
to each other because they share their feelings openly. And she expressed that
some teenagers die by suicide because they freak out when they feel same-sex
attraction. Her words helped me cope with my own feelings, whether she knew it
or not. Then I understood that it's okay to feel same-sex attraction and it
isn't worth ending a life over it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Also, a counselor at BYU </span><a href="https://musingsofcrazyredhead.blogspot.com/2015/02/one-bad-thought-does-not-define-who-you.html"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">talked</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
about thoughts being like leaves in the wind. This simile aided my
understanding that my thoughts of self-stimulation and same-sex attraction were
fleeting ideas. They would disappear. This helped me cope with my feelings
within my moral framework. (I know others have different experiences where
same-sex attraction remains a constant.)<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Before my proselyting mission, I wrote an essay entitled
"The Genetics of Homosexuality." I tried to understand why some feel
same-sex attraction. Subconsciously, I was trying to understand myself.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Why I Waited to "Come Out"
in My 30s<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In 2020, I started a post that I never published. I wrote:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"I don't want to be called brave, gross, or sinful for
sharing. ... I don't want my story as part of an agenda. I don't want to be the
bisexual woman who followed the commandments, so why can't you? I don't want to
be the bisexual woman who is told to ignore my [beliefs] because others
perceive it as anti-gay. I don't want straight women to feel uncomfortable
around me. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I want to be me."<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On Twitter, I follow or check out others' tweets about
religious LGB individuals. There I see some on both sides mock, besmirch,
cancel, and dox each other. I wonder at such hate and pettiness. And this is
partly why I hesitated to share my experience beyond family and close friends.
But I decided that my perspective and experience add to the variety of LGB
experiences. My perspective may help other LGB individuals understand
themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My Marriage</span></b></h3><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I shared my same-sex attraction with my husband a few years
ago. (I didn't understand myself well enough to tell him before then.) He
accepted it as a part of my sexuality. We had already discussed that though we
are married, we still feel attracted to other people. I am just attracted to a
wider variety of people than my husband. We have worked for years to foster
honesty and trust with each other about various sexual feelings. It hasn't been
easy, but we know we want to be together. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Being married, I recognized that part of me is a sexual
being. Sexual feelings are healthy when channeled in a positive direction.
Thus, I learned my libido helps me express affection to my husband. And it
helps propagate the species in families. When I feel same-sex attraction, I
believe that sexual desire stems from a desire for a deeper connection. I first
made this connection when pondering </span><a href="https://vocal.media/humans/let-s-see-ourselves-as-more-than-one-dimensional"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Jillian</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
Michaels' first marriage with Heidi Rhoades.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My understanding that my sexual orientation didn't define me
deepened over the years. My true </span><a href="http://somestufftoread17.blogspot.com/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">identity</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> is that I am human and a child of
God. My sexual orientation is a secondary characteristic, along with others
like my creativity. I have intrinsic worth for being alive. And so too does
every person with same-sex, opposite-sex, or asexual orientations.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I learned self-acceptance largely through the example of a
friend who I met through volunteer English teaching 18 years ago. While reading
his </span><a href="http://somestufftoread17.blogspot.com/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">blog</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
and essays over the years, his words helped me put my bisexual feelings into
perspective along with my spiritual beliefs. Soon I shaped new beliefs.<o:p></o:p></span></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Talking with My Son</span></b></h3><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I was 15, I overheard my mom talking with a relative
and mentioning a sexual term. I felt very uncomfortable asking my parents or
others about this, though my mom would have answered my question. Instead, I
turned to the dictionary (the internet was still new). Still, I had only a
vague idea of what the term meant. Though I am glad I sought a factually
accurate source. Because of my reticence as a teenager, I hoped to develop that
trust with my son so he will come to my husband or me first. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My husband and I have tried to help my oldest son feel
comfortable talking to us about sexuality. One time he ran to his room so that
one attempt didn't work well. I'm learning that it needs to come up naturally
in conversation. While driving him home from school, I casually mentioned that maybe
boys may date boys. He seemed to think I was a chill mom for that comment.
Mostly, I want him to feel comfortable sharing his orientation with my husband
and me. In another conversation with my son, my husband, and me, we discussed
different orientations. We had a fruitful discussion where my husband and I
reiterated: "Please come to us for your questions first". We hope to
provide accurate information without him sorting through explicit or inaccurate
internet sources.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My Political Take<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Over my lifetime, the acceptance of the LGB community has
increased, and they feel safer opening up about their experiences. Conversion
therapy techniques once caused more harm than good. However, the pendulum has
swung too far so that schools </span><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/washington-state-tells-teachers-to-hide-student-gender-transitions-from-parents"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">refuse</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
to tell parents about a child's orientation. Many religions have softened their
stance toward LGB individuals. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obergefell_v._Hodges"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Obergefell</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
v. Hodges, same-sex marriage became legal in the US. Some accepted this as the
new law of the land, while others still balked at it. Personally, same-sex
marriage seemed an inevitable outcome, even if I questioned its morality.
Instead, my husband and I discussed that marriage should be a religious
ceremony and no longer the government's role. Before legalization, many
insurance companies wouldn't include a same-sex partner on the other partner's
plan. This type of situation definitely needed nondiscrimination legislation in
the US before legalization.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p><span class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 19px; letter-spacing: 0.19px;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Sadly, for many years (and still today) religious
people, traditional marriage allies, LGB allies, and the LGB community fought
instead of seeking compromises and peaceful resolutions. Both sides sometimes
show signs of intolerance, being easily offended, and bigotry. We can love each
other, seek understanding, hold boundaries, and agreeably disagree. This takes
practicing </span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffboss/2015/03/01/13-habits-of-humble-people/?sh=5e5efa8849d5"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">humility</span></a></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> on
an individual level. Recognize you can only choose how you act and react.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: x-small;"><em class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.19px;">If you want more of my take on LGB issues, consider tipping, subscribing, pledging, or following me on </em><a class="css-1jp92jk" href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/1155042698322248" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: black; display: inline; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.19px;"><em class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Facebook</em></a><em class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.19px;"> or </em><a class="css-1jp92jk" href="https://twitter.com/oeileend_oed" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: black; display: inline; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.19px;"><em class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Twitter</em></a><em class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.19px;"> @oeileend_oed.</em></span></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-5871504130187252432022-04-26T21:42:00.001-06:002022-04-26T21:44:24.426-06:00Reframing My Mindset to One of Abundance<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE9xvNUmjTq3eZbDCwcSO1F32AFh_xOxnLl03x6BZFRRx9LB0qDlBNPpuQ0VHrabPvxoKS4tezBwrYzq0KU9DdpInEiJZcvX2AUkQncVVsQRVI85PhOKg3Qx4VBgTaHb_1fySKs-NJflp8kY5Ctmgglx-Dssno17Hk2zKPkxN1KyJLzcwlJ-iJp6bwKQ/s2688/PXL_20220217_042514479.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="2688" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE9xvNUmjTq3eZbDCwcSO1F32AFh_xOxnLl03x6BZFRRx9LB0qDlBNPpuQ0VHrabPvxoKS4tezBwrYzq0KU9DdpInEiJZcvX2AUkQncVVsQRVI85PhOKg3Qx4VBgTaHb_1fySKs-NJflp8kY5Ctmgglx-Dssno17Hk2zKPkxN1KyJLzcwlJ-iJp6bwKQ/w400-h225/PXL_20220217_042514479.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo by Author</span></td></tr></tbody></table></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em;">I don't want to go back to work on Monday. I suppose that's a normal feeling, but I need to be okay with it. Perhaps even be excited. I've had the last week off with my kids and I was sick for a week before that. So I am "out of practice". I have messed up my sleep schedule so 2 am is my normal again. But guess what? I need to go to sleep by 12 am to function.</span></p><h3 style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.2; margin: 40px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Scarcity vs Abundance</span></h3><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">On my health coach's page, I mentioned that I was rebelling by staying up late. She shared the insight that I had a scarcity mindset versus an abundance mindset. I view my time alone as a scarcity: why I stay up late. I am digesting her comments. So I guess I need to change my mindset that I have time alone--that I schedule it. Maybe I need to say no to a few things. Maybe say no to so much time on social media, the news, and phone games. I believe those are my biggest time wasters that increase my stress instead of destressers like drawing, writing, deep breathing, and looking at the stars.</p><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;"><em class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="box-sizing: border-box;">What activities destress you?</em></p><h2 class="css-1e4ilk4-Heading em4arlq0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.2; margin: 40px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Energy</span></h2><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">Besides time, I realized I view my energy as a scarce resource instead of an abundant resource. Truly, energy isn't a limited resource. I realize my energy is only limited when I am ill or haven't slept well. I can largely control my sleep pattern. Also, energy begets energy. Another goal has been to set minimums. In the mini-lessons and coaching sessions, minimums often bring momentum to further the task. Thus, energy then begets energy. So while writing this I hope to reframe my mindset, besides just intellectually knowing it. Applying it.</p><blockquote class="css-nqgagr-Blockquote eqgocpw0" style="background-color: white; border-bottom: none; border-image: initial; border-left: 4px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); border-right: none; border-top: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-style: italic; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 32px;"><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">My nephew used to run around the house right before bed until he'd crash. All that running energized him until he suddenly conked asleep. Thus, energy begets energy.</p></blockquote><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">We also need to achieve a balance between energy and recovery. I've noticed there are different types of recovery. One type of recovery is doing something you love even when it's hard. For example, I love writing and drawing, yet those hobbies can mentally drain me. It is a creative outlet. On the flip side, looking at the stars, deep breathing, and naps rest my body and mind. It's a physical recovery versus a creative recovery.</p><h3 style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.2; margin: 40px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">You Got This</span></h3><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">I chose the picture with "You got this" at the beginning of the article because my coach says it often in group meetings. In fact, her welcome package included a decal "You got this", which I pasted to my mirror. When I see it sometimes, it reminds me that I can take the next small step on my health journey.</p><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;"><em class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Does the phrase "You got this" help you? Or perhaps another phrase?</em></p><h2 class="css-1e4ilk4-Heading em4arlq0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.2; margin: 40px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Non-scale Victory</span></h2><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">The health coach asks on the Facebook group every week what is one non-scale victory. That mindset takes away the uncontrollable weight outcome to the controllable victories of eating veggies three days a week. I realize more the journey has been about celebrating those small victories centered around a healthier mindset.</p><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">Personally, my weight has fluctuated within a five-pound range. I haven't achieved much there, but I have achieved a healthier lifestyle. I am finding more balance. My mental health has improved significantly since beginning my journey with my coach (seven months without self-harm episodes).</p><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">My coach focuses mostly on mindset so clients can achieve lasting health. She saw clients lose weight only to gain it back when that was the sole focus. She wants her clients to succeed in the long run.</p><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">This isn't fat acceptance BS. This is a healthy body positivity that encompasses an abundance of health in multiple areas. And that lasting change that will result in a healthier body (whether lighter, heavier, breathing easier, etc).</p><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">So, we got this.</p><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;"><em class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="box-sizing: border-box;">If you want to see more of my coach's thoughts, you can visit her </em><a class="css-1jp92jk" href="https://www.facebook.com/www.TRHFitness.net/" rel="nofollow" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: black; display: inline;"><em class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="box-sizing: border-box;">TRH</em></a><em class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="box-sizing: border-box;"> Fitness FB page.</em></p><p class="css-14azzlx-P e1ccqnho0" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.1875rem; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;"><em class="css-u6hpqs-Italic" style="box-sizing: border-box;">You can find me on Twitter @oeileend_oed. </em></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-51227731619098555132022-02-08T20:58:00.003-07:002022-02-08T20:58:39.967-07:00Let's See Ourselves as More Than One-dimensional<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiwibTa8mLTBerAcfEf1k6vOMT0L-_ryX-wnBGmtX1SxCXN4nRcIclEiArDgoyGZMuV6t8KHYgobXNac_i8AxllPTq5iPH9OkI6jDi8HvgY1BTNB9XwrlteB16UcgSI96o9_AVXhGURzVBfOd-GEb8ZBWwnPhF5Shn_F7_-ubmfkg8a84v64pWzZkzcMw=s2688" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="2688" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiwibTa8mLTBerAcfEf1k6vOMT0L-_ryX-wnBGmtX1SxCXN4nRcIclEiArDgoyGZMuV6t8KHYgobXNac_i8AxllPTq5iPH9OkI6jDi8HvgY1BTNB9XwrlteB16UcgSI96o9_AVXhGURzVBfOd-GEb8ZBWwnPhF5Shn_F7_-ubmfkg8a84v64pWzZkzcMw=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Red Canyon displays the diversity of Earth</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>Many times we look at ourselves in the mirror and only notice our physical appearance. We pick on one feature we dislike or preen at another feature we like. For me, I focus too much on my obesity. Yet, we often neglect to see ourselves as multidimensional--like a disco ball. We are so much more: our talents, weaknesses, memories, knowledge, thoughts, and feelings. We may take that perspective outward to judge others based on their most obvious characteristic too.</p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21878" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21879" data-slate-object="text">Indeed, we have let ourselves be categorized in so many ways by race, ethnicity, religion, political persuasion, beliefs, sexuality, gender expression, nationality, and so on. These categories can be useful to help us identify our past, our needs, our beliefs, and so on if we keep it in perspective that we are multi-dimensional human beings. The harm comes when we focus only on one identity of ourselves or one identity of another person. </span></p><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="21880" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21881" data-slate-object="text">Overview</span></h2><ol class="css-1pl4bcc-Node" data-key="21882" data-slate-object="block"><li class="css-xyuqdw-Node" data-key="21883" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21884" data-slate-object="text">A mask says nothing about the person behind it.</span></li><li class="css-xyuqdw-Node" data-key="21885" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21886" data-slate-object="text">An obsession with race can lead to enmity, but it can be a jumping point to understand our heritage better.</span></li><li class="css-xyuqdw-Node" data-key="21887" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21888" data-slate-object="text">Labels for sexual orientation can lead to a greater personal understanding when kept in perspective.</span></li><li class="css-xyuqdw-Node" data-key="21889" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21890" data-slate-object="text">We need to love our personal diversity (including weaknesses) in order to love others.</span></li><li class="css-xyuqdw-Node" data-key="21891" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21892" data-slate-object="text">Growth comes from responsible reactions to a diversity of thought, culture, etc. </span></li></ol><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="21893" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21894" data-slate-object="text">Only the Mask</span></h2><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21895" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21896" data-slate-object="text">This last year has taught us the preciousness of our physical bodies. We are taking so many actions to protect our physical bodies. However, we have judged one another based on the outward appearance of "obedience" to these actions. We judge a person on whether they wear a mask or not as if that determines their intelligence, political party, or religious affiliation. </span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21897" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21898" data-slate-object="text">We have taken this one measure to determine so much about a person. Some judge an unmasked person as being stupid, lazy, uncaring, disobedient, etc. Others judge the masked as woke, snobbish, liberal, unAmerican, stupid, etc. This piece of cloth tells us nothing about a person's character besides that they are wearing a mask.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21899" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21900" data-slate-object="text">We don't know their health history, their attitudes, their vaccination status, their compassion, or their political affiliation based on a mask.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21901" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21902" data-slate-object="text">But we can ask someone why they wear or don't wear a mask to understand them better. I know people who differ on mask-wearing for similar reasons.</span></p><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="21903" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21904" data-slate-object="text">Only Race</span></h2><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21905" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21906" data-slate-object="text">When we become hung up on race as a sole identifier, we may think our race is either superior or inferior. And we may view other races as either superior or inferior. Thus, enmity can distort our view that someone is an oppressor or a weakling, or it develops into self-hate or self-conceit. Either outcome denies the beauty of our personal and societal diversity. </span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21907" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21908" data-slate-object="text">Overall, we don't need to be prideful or humiliated by our skin color. Instead, we can let our skin color show us our heritage, our culture, and our human diversity. For example, I know my ancestors are most likely Northern Europeans because I am pale with freckles. Surprisingly, I also have some Semitic DNA (though my mom hasn't found a link in her family history research).</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21909" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21910" data-slate-object="text">Sadly, sometimes certain characteristics have been attached to race. We may mistakenly associate whites with bigotry, blacks with stupidity, or Asians with excessive achievement. The list goes on. With any of these stereotypes, we create division with a member of our race or another race. When we look at more than skin color, we see a diversity of ideas too.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21911" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21912" data-slate-object="text">Our differences of experience, skin tone, and ideas provide us the opportunity to see new perspectives. Thus, diversity and opposition produce greater progress scientifically, spiritually, politically, or emotionally. Ultimately, it is part of our journey toward objective truth.</span></p><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="21913" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21914" data-slate-object="text">Only Sexuality</span></h2><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21915" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21916" data-slate-object="text">I recognized my occasional same-sex attraction since my junior year in high school but didn't have a label for it. In the 90s, only lesbian and gay labels floated as alternative sexual orientations. I still felt attraction toward males, so I knew I wasn't a lesbian. In the 2010s, I heard the label bisexual and asexual. Then I had a term for my sexuality: bisexual. It helped to have this label so I could process my sexuality as one of my many dimensions.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21917" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21918" data-slate-object="text">Some have an "us vs. them" mentality toward sexuality that focuses only on heterosexuality vs. LGBTQIA. Some straight people feel the need to identify as allies. Others call LGBTQIA the alphabet people (you have to admit the acronym keeps getting longer). This focus on only sexual identity creates division within our communities. </span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21919" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21920" data-slate-object="text">LGBTQIA individuals may feel alone, divided within themselves, or cluster in groups according to sexuality. Their allies and these individuals band together sometimes excluding those who disagree. Some persecute LGBTQIA individuals, whether intentional or not. In the end, both may resort to defensiveness. Hopefully, when we focus on loving the whole individual instead, the division and defensiveness will fall away concerning sexual orientation. </span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21921" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21922" data-slate-object="text">I know LGBTQIA individuals struggle to see themselves multi-faceted, which can lead to suicidal ideation. For example, </span><a class="css-2fz1t3-Node" data-key="21923" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://www.instagram.com/tv/CYwbqm8hqfu/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link"><span data-key="21924" data-slate-object="text">David</span></a><span data-key="21925" data-slate-object="text"> Archuleta had trouble even acknowledging his gayness to himself within his belief system, so he felt he needed to die by suicide. Sadly, he had difficulty seeing he could be gay and a Latter-day Saint Christian simultaneously (I know it's a tricky balance). He has a difficult road ahead of him, whatever path he takes. Plus, I am so glad he is still around.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21926" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21927" data-slate-object="text">Personally, I felt unity when I "came out" as bisexual to friends and family (I told my husband when I realized it myself). One sister was surprised, one sister knew it intuitively, one brother said he loved me, and my mom opined about the origin of my feelings, but all my family said they loved me. Then I shared my orientation on social media in a post about tribalism. No one commented on my sexuality. I felt unsure about that, but the non-reaction revealed to me that my friends and family view </span><span data-key="21928" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="21928:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">all </em></span></span><span data-key="21929" data-slate-object="text">of me already. </span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21930" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21931" data-slate-object="text">I hope others have similar social support. In my experience, it helps when relationships are rooted in more than one identity. In fact, having respect for disagreeing disagreeably makes a relationship stronger.</span></p><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="21932" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21933" data-slate-object="text">Love Yourself More Wholly to Love Others</span></h2><blockquote class="css-1i5iivr-Node" data-key="21934" data-slate-object="block"><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21935" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21936" data-slate-object="text">Since self-hate often begins with thinking errors, it can be reversed through developing healthier thinking patterns.</span></p></blockquote><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21937" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21938" data-slate-object="text">I follow one person on Twitter who I notice can be harsh toward other people who profess different opinions (race, religion, culture, etc. don't play a factor). I wondered at her harshness until I saw a post about how she is harsh with herself. It clicked. Her frequent negative self-talk saps her energy to love herself and those ideologically different from her.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21939" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21940" data-slate-object="text">So how can we love ourselves more (to love others)? Truly, there isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. First, we need to remember we are </span><span data-key="21941" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="21941:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><strong data-slate-object="mark">intrinsic </strong></span></span><span data-key="21942" data-slate-object="text">and </span><span data-key="21943" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="21943:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><strong data-slate-object="mark">eternal </strong></span></span><span data-key="21944" data-slate-object="text">beings full of </span><span data-key="21945" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="21945:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><strong data-slate-object="mark">potential</strong></span></span><span data-key="21946" data-slate-object="text">. Second, we need to address our physical needs--food, movement, sleep, needed medication, etc.--so our brains have the energy to rewire themselves. Finally, we can practice mindfulness, gratitude, and recognizing thinking </span><a class="css-2fz1t3-Node" data-key="21947" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201501/10-thinking-errors-will-crush-your-mental-strength"><span data-key="21948" data-slate-object="text">errors</span></a><span data-key="21949" data-slate-object="text"> (cognitive behavioral therapy). With practice, we can replace negative self-talk with realistic, kind, and positive self-talk.</span></p><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="21950" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21951" data-slate-object="text">The Value of Diversity</span></h2><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21952" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21953" data-slate-object="text">As humans we desire homeostasis--we don't want to rock the boat. But with the diversity within our own selves and the diversity of others combats that status quo. We cannot stay the same because we are in constant flux as we rub shoulders. Overall, we can use diversity, change, and opposition to create greater beauty. </span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21954" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21955" data-slate-object="text">We can let our beauty be like multi-faceted disco balls reflecting a rainbow of colors on each other and on the dance floor. </span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="21956" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="21957" data-slate-object="text">We are beautiful.</span></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-1503847936143637872022-01-20T19:53:00.000-07:002022-01-20T19:53:42.336-07:00New Mattress, New Job, New Year to Better Sleep<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi9eGq6ydw1OtuNCqCz9xqXd4MaAOKFnse_Y6_ldvlPr9LC5NItzVPO2gFVZApjj8SQv4f1JOdGioKxqS54kRLjSNCLFSsmtfu4K_af9e14zpO-bT3brFkmLxZ9lyTVtl7BjLC5Pw_wZTe20MAMhFcxWlH1I2PBDk_GTo1gAToVxPsDkJIUYCPPEWSvxQ=s2688" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="2688" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi9eGq6ydw1OtuNCqCz9xqXd4MaAOKFnse_Y6_ldvlPr9LC5NItzVPO2gFVZApjj8SQv4f1JOdGioKxqS54kRLjSNCLFSsmtfu4K_af9e14zpO-bT3brFkmLxZ9lyTVtl7BjLC5Pw_wZTe20MAMhFcxWlH1I2PBDk_GTo1gAToVxPsDkJIUYCPPEWSvxQ=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo by Author</span></td></tr></tbody></table> </p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Since my husband started working from home because of the
pandemic, I have subconsciously taken advantage of that fact. I know he can
tackle the morning routine without me, even if it's half-shod. Midnight used to
be staying up late for me on weekdays, but it became 1 am or 2 am during the
pandemic. I felt so stressed and wanted downtime--"me" time. Some nights
I waited until 3 or 4 am.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I know lots of other parents stay up later for
"me" time too. I totally get it. It feels so blissful to do
housework, homework, or hobbies during this time with no interruptions. Maybe
other parents fall into a pattern of procrastinating at bedtime because you
don't want to face another difficult day too. Just one more hour of silence,
please.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 30.0pt; mso-outline-level: 2;"><b><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18pt;">Revenge Procrastination<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 13.5pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Revenge bedtime procrastination” describes the decision to sacrifice
sleep for leisure time that is driven by a daily schedule lacking in free time.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 13.5pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">-Eric Suni on <a href="https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene/revenge-bedtime-procrastination"><span style="color: black;">Sleep</span></a> Foundation website<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So I have been working on <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/sleep-hygiene#relaxing-routine"><span style="color: black;">sleep</span></a> hygiene for years, but it hasn't been
as critical before having kids (BTW, bipolar and PTSD affect my sleep too). I
could make my own work or school schedule when single. My revenge <a href="https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/revenge-bedtime-procrastination"><span style="color: black;">procrastination</span></a> has also contributed to
considerable weight gain. Last September I finally contacted a health trainer
who is now specializing in helping moms. We've set small goals that I can be
successful at. It helps on and off, but I am making some progress.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I had also been discussing a part-time job with my
previous counselor. She thought it would help me revamp my bedtime. After all,
we've been working on my sleep hygiene for five years. I started applying for
jobs three months ago.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 30.0pt; mso-outline-level: 2;"><b><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18pt;">A Small Responsibility: a New Job<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This has been a catch-22 for me if I have a responsibility
in the morning. When I have multiple appointments, I can stress for several
hours at night. I try to keep the stress at bay by "relaxing" more.
This is the ultimate procrastination revenge.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But some small responsibilities have encouraged me to seek
rest at an earlier time. Before the pandemic, I had to get my son on the bus in
the morning. I still skirted the edge of a good bedtime--7-8 hours before I
have to wake last minute--but I did it. When my husband switched to remote
work, I knew I didn't have to take children to the bus or to school. Thus, my
sleep habits worsened.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As hinted above, I started a new job outside my home
beginning of this year. Now I am retiring two to three hours earlier because I
am accountable to someone else. I know I need to function to perform my work
duties. And I am "rewarded" with a paycheck. Perhaps, a reward may
motivate you too.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Having a job may not work for some parents. It depends on
the work hours and the work atmosphere. I looked for a part-time job so I still
had downtime for other parts of the day. I still have time for my kids too.
Personally, a full-time job would increase my anxiety since I would be away
from my family longer.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now my husband reports he has seen me more since I began
working part-time. I wake in the morning and help with preparing our sons for
school. I am also awake in the evenings.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I also found I retire earlier when I have an activity to
look forward to. For example, when I scheduled my physical therapy appointments
in the morning, I retired slightly earlier. I know I have pain relief coming.
Additionally, I look forward to socializing with others at work and having
tasks that end, unlike housework.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 30.0pt; mso-outline-level: 2;"><b><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18pt;">A New Bed<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 13.5pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"By the end there, I was barely hanging on."<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 13.5pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">-My husband's description of dozing with me on a queen bed<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Last year my lower back hurt so much I couldn't sleep at
night. This created a cycle of pain preventing sleep and sleep <a href="https://www.sleepfoundation.org/physical-health/pain-and-sleep"><span style="color: black;">deprivation</span></a> increasing sensitivity to pain.
So I looked for some solutions to sleep. My brother suggested a two-sided body
pillow for side sleepers. I ordered one and it helped relieve some pain.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Additionally, my husband and I needed a new bed after
tossing and turning on our queen bed for several years. I sprawled across most
of the bed and hogged the covers, so my husband felt colder and scrunched on
1/3 of the bed. (My husband corrected me when he read this section: he had
"1/5 of the bed".)<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We settled on a king-size Serta memory foam mattress with
cooling "technology". Now both my husband and I sink into the memory
foam with room to spare. The memory foam (plus physical therapy and stretching)
has almost erased my lower back pain. Now I rarely need the body pillow and I
can stand for more than an hour. I also look forward to my mattress keeping me
cool during the summer months.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So what is useful to look for in a mattress to improve
your sleep? For me, it came down to size, firmness, pain relief, and my
sleeping position. Other factors may include allergy prevention or a partner's
different needs. For example, one couple I know have different sleeping
preferences, so they chose a sleep number bed.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For a guide to buying a mattress, check out this <a href="https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home-products/a25695/mattress-buying-guide/"><span style="color: black;">article</span></a> by Good Housekeeping.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 30.0pt; mso-outline-level: 2;"><b><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18pt;">I Never Regret Retiring Early<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Children may complain about an early bedtime, but I've
rarely heard any adult regretting going to bed early. Have you? Last Fall, I
had the realization that I have never regretted going to bed early. The moment
I hit the pillow, I only regret staying up later and wonder why I avoided my
soft bed and firm pillow so long.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After writing about sleep, now I want to fall asleep. Are
you ready for a good night's rest too?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If you enjoyed this article, please consider tipping or
pledging so I can pay off my new bed. Or you can keep your money for your new
bed.</span></i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-2046178232852333982022-01-17T22:05:00.005-07:002022-01-17T22:05:56.492-07:00Dear Brother Wright, Thank You for Listening to a Teenager<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dear Brother Frank Wright,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One overcast Friday in '95 or '96 I knocked on your creaky
door and you answered, hands on your walker. I told you who I was and who my
parents were. I had seen you at church on occasion, but you couldn't always
attend because you were unable to navigate the stairs of the South Chapel
(dubbed <a href="http://ldspioneerarchitecture.blogspot.com/2015/04/preservation-update-blanding-tabernacle.html"><span style="color: black;">Blanding</span></a> Tabernacle). I knew of you from
your son and his wife, who "home taught" my family. I called you
Brother Wright because that was the sign of respect used in my Mormon pioneer
hometown.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I don't know if you knew what would happen for the next
few years of your Friday afternoons from that first day. Truly I took a chance
that you weren't some "creepy old man" like a few others I met in my
adulthood. That never entered my mind, which may have stopped me from knocking
on your door. You also took a chance on me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Instead, you were a patient and loving old man. You
treated me with kindness, listened to my weekly woes, let me borrow your books,
and told me some about your week. Occasionally I asked about your history, but
most of it didn't sink into my teenage mind. You and many others had built the
town of <a href="https://www.uen.org/utah_history_encyclopedia/b/BLANDING.shtml"><span style="color: black;">Blanding</span></a>. I believe you built your own home. Now
I wonder what buildings you or your ancestors built.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjlN2RP2KwAkldHTwDyw2g1I88AZT6zt8FHhCRHG0QqPdHwXTdq9omU5pnZRzL3rMgPL62Bg8Sjy40rto8LJs0BlBypmWZ7YfoxFjbPq4xHlmVKqyGJ9zUrK--GV2OTYOYg0Y6v4vmtDXf6floqkzVrmdpvAB23i52-x97aao-Nmy--FwvD0ee5oaqc2g=s2581" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2060" data-original-width="2581" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjlN2RP2KwAkldHTwDyw2g1I88AZT6zt8FHhCRHG0QqPdHwXTdq9omU5pnZRzL3rMgPL62Bg8Sjy40rto8LJs0BlBypmWZ7YfoxFjbPq4xHlmVKqyGJ9zUrK--GV2OTYOYg0Y6v4vmtDXf6floqkzVrmdpvAB23i52-x97aao-Nmy--FwvD0ee5oaqc2g=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">I walked northwest (view outside my side door, but facing NE) to Br. Wright's house (Photo by Author)</span></td></tr></tbody></table></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the late 90s, there were no smartphones, so I don't
think I ever took a picture of you. I didn't capture your blue eyes, often
clouded with cataracts, or your wrinkly face and bald head. It cost a lot of
money to buy a disposable camera and develop the prints. Instead, we had time
not interrupted by electronics, since you turned off your blaring TV when I
came in. However, two electronic devices often interrupted when working
improperly--your hearing aids. The high-pitched squeals pierced my eardrums
until you adjusted them to the right level. Then I yelled during our
conversations so you could hear me. I had to repeat myself several times.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I think I talked with you about many teenage things and
occasionally about your past. You encouraged me to share about my week before
we moved on to your week. Sometimes we discussed San Juan <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Juan_County,_Utah"><span style="color: black;">County</span></a> history or politics in general. I
still didn't know the full breadth of your contribution to Blanding. Also, I
wonder if I ever mentioned Bill <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinton%E2%80%93Lewinsky_scandal"><span style="color: black;">Clinton</span></a>, one of the real creepy old men.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I look back and I wish I had asked more about the past. I
was more interested in American history, <a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Saint-Joan-of-Arc"><span style="color: black;">Joan</span></a> of Arc, and the Roman siege of <a href="https://www.history.com/topics/ancient-middle-east/masada"><span style="color: black;">Masada</span></a>. Maybe now that I'm older the past is
more appealing because I have lost my grandparents' connection to the past.
They had so much history that I never discovered. How much history did I not
discover from you? Admittedly, it would have been hard with your hearing
impairment.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg7rhhn7KUq6j6ajPu3OdbhubTVlQu7Gg5iUy2uUS_AjprMuOOGeqbipqfsrSaeJ47xoPEVa4w_hpJxRwCI7a-TG2P17-bIO9yjBUqLRjarFbjUX75lpxbBmTrQIF4L8dTJauGBtU07S6ipbMWCMHBsrOAzwV66eoIm9p5sOJGpB0h6dp91-8MTijIDRw=s2688" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="2688" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg7rhhn7KUq6j6ajPu3OdbhubTVlQu7Gg5iUy2uUS_AjprMuOOGeqbipqfsrSaeJ47xoPEVa4w_hpJxRwCI7a-TG2P17-bIO9yjBUqLRjarFbjUX75lpxbBmTrQIF4L8dTJauGBtU07S6ipbMWCMHBsrOAzwV66eoIm9p5sOJGpB0h6dp91-8MTijIDRw=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">My Gerald Lund Book Collection (Photo by Author)</span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Because you wanted to share history, you let me borrow
some of your historical fiction books, which I couldn't get my hands on at the
local library. I remember Gerald Lund's </span><i style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Work and the Glory</i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"> series
that you let me borrow most of all. I felt so bad when I left a carrot stain on
a page, but you waved it off. You weren't worried about it. Instead, you
discussed the book with me.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Later, I became acquainted with your daughter who built a
blue module house in your large garden. She'd lived in Arizona before. She and
your sons shared their appreciation that I visited you weekly. I felt blessed
having shared that time with you too. I could talk to you about random things
and you listened (though you may not have heard).<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I struggled when you were sick enough that you needed to
be closer to specialty doctors 250 miles "up North" (Utah County). I
was busier with high school, but I missed you. One time my mom and I visited
you at your granddaughter's home up North. Sadly, you weren't as coherent and
you tired easily. I talked more with your daughter and granddaughter than you.
After you retired, we women admired a freehand vine painting on the wall.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The dynamic changed because you now resided in a hospital
or nursing home for the remainder of your 90s. I visited infrequently at the
nursing home. I struggled--because you struggled to communicate. Everything
smelled like urine and cleaner, which reminded me of visiting my grandpa in the
hospital. It was just hard. Our visits only lasted a few minutes. Soon your
great-granddaughter moved into your home, so your white stucco home no longer
welcomed me in the same way. After all, you weren't there.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After I left to attend BYU, my mom told me you had passed
away. I wish I could have said goodbye one last time. I wish I could have
attended your funeral. Instead, I was stuck doing schoolwork. But you were
proud of how well I performed in high school and junior college; you would have
understood.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In your final years, your children and grandchildren
befriended me. After I married, I still felt your hand in my life. Five hundred
miles north of Blanding, I occasionally ran into your daughter and
granddaughter. We talked of visiting more, but it never happened. I regret it,
but I also know I was a busy new mom.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now your legacy lasts when I share my used set of <i>Work
and the Glory</i> books with my children. I have that set to teach my
children of Mormon Pioneer history, which we had shared together. My oldest son
said he read them. My children stain my books, which I can accept graciously
from your gracious example. (Though, I still won't let my kids touch my new
Chinese history books.)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I hope my children encounter similar kind old gentlemen
like you. I'm trying to raise them to be kind gentlemen like you, though I
worry often when I hear their occasional fights. Well, my boys open doors for
others, so they must be learning some kindness. Luckily, they have good
grandparents and kind great-grandparents who they had a brief time to know.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At times I still miss you. And miss so many other
"grandparents" in my life. I want to pick your brain and their brains
again. I asked my family for more details about you and searched for you
online. Apparently, you were a mechanic and river raft <a href="http://www.riverguides.org/Confluence/01/Confluence01fFrankWrightTRice.pdf"><span style="color: black;">guide</span></a> in Southern Utah and Northern Arizona
before the Colorado River was dammed in multiple places. I catch glimpses of
you and your wife Dora (who I never met) in several photo archives. I see I
only knew part of you, but then you lived 99 years!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One day I will see you again, Brother Wright. Then we can
chat without squeaky hearing aids interrupting us.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sincerely,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sister Eileen Mellor Davis<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Links to Frank Wright photos and letters:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Utah River Running Photo <a href="https://collections.lib.utah.edu/search?facet_collection_name_t=%22Marjorie+G.+Paul%22&facet_setname_s=uum_map_rr"><span style="color: black;">Archives</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg0b2k-cqAwqnnH0TuNbnMQthjwDgI_zBy6Tm02frx29tIBbG9pQpejbJJu9SUP3nEycq5Ny0ezpdIlCZPA_2HvvHxzmaYReJt6yOZZE41KvJlNbDCjGEJeDuXWQEC5lb5hiYjMMKE0RRTV3ydGxUNZlM2R3ZqgNljge89ArKhaSE9dtlt-hZyFzwo-TQ=s1152" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="768" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg0b2k-cqAwqnnH0TuNbnMQthjwDgI_zBy6Tm02frx29tIBbG9pQpejbJJu9SUP3nEycq5Ny0ezpdIlCZPA_2HvvHxzmaYReJt6yOZZE41KvJlNbDCjGEJeDuXWQEC5lb5hiYjMMKE0RRTV3ydGxUNZlM2R3ZqgNljge89ArKhaSE9dtlt-hZyFzwo-TQ=s320" width="213" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"J. Frank Wright. Blanding, Utah. At end of Glen
Canyon trip of 1951, May 11-17. Lees Ferry." Dudziak, Joseph
Lawrence. <a href="https://hdl.huntington.org/digital/collection/p16003coll5/id/32257"><span style="color: black;">Papers</span></a> of Otis R. Marston: Still images,
1870-1978. The Huntington Library, San Marino, California.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.cartermuseum.org/collection/frank-and-dora-wright-blanding-utah-eliot-porter-november-16-1966-a20120090204017038"><span style="color: black;">Letter</span></a> from Dora and J. Frank Wright to
Eliot Porter<o:p></o:p></span></p><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://archive.library.nau.edu/digital/collection/cpa/id/9694"><span style="color: black;">Photo</span></a> of J. Frank Wright and the boat
"Andy"<o:p></o:p></span></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-87924314713347668282021-12-23T00:25:00.005-07:002021-12-23T00:25:45.820-07:00How the Grinch Stole Thanksgiving<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhH3kYsbj8jLSdhWCMGiobAGrj6nC5ENLZPlZGsTixermtfDlAnx_WVxOZC27YRWg7cf3f1yrhEajEMqyQLuXo9ysppj7pNrYzCeGpxAQ79iKRftA7D-_CYBRh9Jie9n479fVxTm_uISnUWoE7EgU7xxkKBqlm40eESZCAuD0Rehy3K5qNhRE-tolFE7g=s2688" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2688" data-original-width="1512" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhH3kYsbj8jLSdhWCMGiobAGrj6nC5ENLZPlZGsTixermtfDlAnx_WVxOZC27YRWg7cf3f1yrhEajEMqyQLuXo9ysppj7pNrYzCeGpxAQ79iKRftA7D-_CYBRh9Jie9n479fVxTm_uISnUWoE7EgU7xxkKBqlm40eESZCAuD0Rehy3K5qNhRE-tolFE7g=s320" width="180" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Author</td></tr></tbody></table><h2 style="text-align: left;">Music Schpiel</h2><p>I really think the Grinch stole Thanksgiving and replaced it with Halloween hoopla and early Christmas decorating. Of course, I may be a grinch because I am annoyed with the blaring Christmas music on the radio. It starts November 1 and goes until New Year's. I can't find pop, soft rock, or rock-n-roll on any station. Only the rowdy "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" and "Here Comes Santa Claus". Probably the music, in general, turns me off, which is why I prefer only five weeks. We miss out on grateful songs like "For the Beauty of the Earth" or "Thankful" by Kelly Clarkson. Then maybe we can move into the more mellow spirituals, like Amy Grant's 1992 Christmas album, mixed with the rowdy songs after Black Friday.</p><p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">Spending Time Together</h2><p>I remember Thanksgivings of visiting with aunts, uncles, and cousins. One cousin and I played board games for hours. Of course, her brother and my brother hogged the Nintendo 64, so we could never play on that. Thanksgiving seemed magical too when I only had to peel a few potatoes and set the table. As an adult and mother, Thanksgiving has less "magical" appeal but is still a grateful time to gather with family. (By the way, THANK YOU to my parents and extended family who hosted Thanksgiving dinner for many years.)</p><p>When we rush into Christmas planning shopping, I believe we neglect the calm moments with family and friends.</p><p>As a teenager, I overlooked the importance of family to participate in high school plays. In my Freshman year, the school play called for a set of triplets. The student director cast my two redheaded, freckled, scrawny classmates and me as the triplets, but the schedule ran through Thanksgiving week. After I announced I had the part, my mom was not happy. As the high school assistant librarian, my mom knew how stubborn the drama teacher could be. She never budged on the three performances Thanksgiving week, particularly Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, despite students and parents asking her to. After all, Wednesday night constituted the largest audience since many extended families returned to rural Blanding. However, my older siblings and extended family lived in Northern Utah, Idaho, and Arizona--all 5-10 hours away.</p><p>In the end, my parents accommodated their plans for me and we left Thursday morning. But my immediate family and I missed extra time with my older siblings and extended family. I hope I thanked my parents. Now I wonder if it was fair my drama teacher demanded those around her accommodate their plans to hers, or that I insisted on being in the play.</p><p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">The Benefits of Gratitude</h2><p><i>But there is no medication or operation that can fix the many spiritual woes and maladies that we face.</i></p><p><i>There is, however, a remedy — one that may seem surprising — because it flies in the face of our natural intuitions. Nevertheless, its effects have been validated by scientists as well as men and women of faith.</i></p><p><i>I am referring to the healing power of gratitude.</i></p><p><i>-<a href="https://www.thechurchnews.com/leaders-and-ministry/2020-11-20/president-nelson-special-message-gratitude-spiritual-remedy-healing-hope-covid-19-198180" target="_blank">Russell M. Nelson</a></i></p><p>Personally, I found healing power myself in expressing gratitude. Several years ago, I wrote "three good things" in my journal almost nightly after I learned of it in a women's support group. This act of expressing gratitude helped me overcome some depression and love my family more.</p><p>After Russell M. Nelson's broadcast on November 20, 2020, many friends and family took his challenge to express gratitude on social media. Many of us felt a sense of unity when we couldn't physically gather. Some close high school friends and I chatted over Zoom, which buoyed our spirits. It also healed a lot of bitter feelings for me after the contentious 2020 election.</p><p>So I repeat, we need Thanksgiving this week and beyond.</p><p>Don't let the grinch steal your Thanksgiving this year.</p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-38786210911082237952021-12-23T00:16:00.004-07:002021-12-23T00:16:21.683-07:00A Meeting and Munchkin Remix<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgsrj3ZTcONOgyFhmf-I1_uZRRCIZkQIRuiCNV-KViAAS3I5KyBOIYNe5wHu0QCuxf5J7nqwhsLjE66f2t4Nu3SjHbOZQH2_6uSBOEw_9-A9f7_WnQYjLVgGELbqIpRd2AajfVFCki7Ll1OdcvQArX8S0WYYdoeqdm5UWrVzN09uKVZ4nLsXjkM8kdThA=s2688" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2688" data-original-width="1512" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgsrj3ZTcONOgyFhmf-I1_uZRRCIZkQIRuiCNV-KViAAS3I5KyBOIYNe5wHu0QCuxf5J7nqwhsLjE66f2t4Nu3SjHbOZQH2_6uSBOEw_9-A9f7_WnQYjLVgGELbqIpRd2AajfVFCki7Ll1OdcvQArX8S0WYYdoeqdm5UWrVzN09uKVZ4nLsXjkM8kdThA=w181-h320" width="181" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">My son playing with my phone</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> <i>Crying babies are like good intentions: Both should be
carried out immediately!</i></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">-Brigham Young<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Inside the meeting <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In overflow seating <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One baby will bawl <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Brothers will brawl<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One smile, one glare <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One laugh, one stare <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One hand on hips <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One finger on lips<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Quiet “Shh”, resounding “Shh” </i><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">“How cute!” “How loud!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Parent and child <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Willing or shamed <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Set free or exiled <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Hidden tears tamed<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Outside the meeting <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Inside the hall <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Limited seating <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Begins the sprawl:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Babies bawling, toddlers crawling, teens appalling, adults
stalling <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Some feel afraid <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To offer parents aid <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Some advice filed<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Or compare their child <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Do this” “Do that” “My child never…” “Can I help?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So many voices<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So many choices<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Give up? Lecture? Walk the hall? Intimidate? Comfort? Hug?
Or force still?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A myriad felt<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Heartache, guilt<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Uncertainty, fear<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Laughter or cheer<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">God knows: no one knows</span><o:p></o:p></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-3924885161602962552021-09-21T23:35:00.000-06:002021-09-21T23:35:17.865-06:00The Journey of Drawing a Rainbow through a Veil<h4 style="text-align: left;"> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">Original Inspiration</span></h4><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="87" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="88" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">I hadn’t written poems for most of my high school senior year because I had been super busy. I studied poetic devices in greater depth in AP English literature and wanted to play with alliteration symbolizing wind. I envisioned a woman who asks the weeping willow tree about WW2 European battles. I wrote the </span><a class="css-13t6bg-Node" data-key="89" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://vocal.media/poets/weeping-willow-icmx8z0jt1" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline-block;"><span data-key="90" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">poem</span></a><span data-key="91" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;"> "Weeping Willow" but hadn't illustrated anything until Spring 2021--a few willow branches with raindrops.</span></p><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="92" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.2; margin: 40px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="93" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: small;">Further Inspiration</span></span></h2><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="94" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="95" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">After two relatives passed away this summer, my brother wanted to create paintings about life and the afterlife to give to the children. My brother asked if I would do some of the artwork. Since I had been dabbling with coloring/drawing with markers for eight months, I thought I'd try my hand with markers. A mental vision of willow branches as a veil, rain as tears, and a rainbow of hope emerged from my earlier idea.</span></p><figure class="css-1337cuy" data-key="96" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; flex-direction: column; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 32px auto 12px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div data-key="97" data-slate-void="true" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div class="css-1c642n6-LoadingImage" style="box-sizing: border-box; padding-bottom: 363.375px; position: relative; width: 646px;"><div class="css-1tnn1f8-LoadingImage" style="box-sizing: border-box; position: absolute; width: 646px;"><div style="box-sizing: border-box;"><img alt="" class="css-1a54twd-Image" data-key="97" data-name="cloudinary-img" data-slate-object="block" height="277" src="https://res.cloudinary.com/jerrick/image/upload/f_jpg,q_auto,w_720/61442baf455fd5001fd522ab.jpg" style="border: none; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: bottom; width: 646px;" width="584" /></div><button class="css-1wo0wq6-Node" data-name="delete-btn" style="-webkit-box-align: center; align-items: center; appearance: none; background: none rgb(26, 26, 26); border-color: transparent; border-radius: 0.25rem; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: inline-flex; font-family: inherit; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0.75em 1.25em; position: absolute; right: 16px; top: 16px; touch-action: manipulation; user-select: none; vertical-align: middle; visibility: hidden; white-space: nowrap;"><svg class="css-seof7b-Icon" height="14" title="" viewbox="0 0 240 240" width="14"></svg><span style="font-size: small;"><path d="M143.705 198.795V83.9991C143.705 79.5927 147.299 75.9991 151.705 75.9991C156.111 75.9991 159.705 79.5929 159.705 83.9991V199.203C159.705 203.609 156.111 207.203 151.705 207.203C147.299 207.203 143.705 203.203 143.705 198.796V198.795ZM71.7052 206.795C76.1116 206.795 79.7051 203.201 79.7051 198.795V83.9991C79.7051 79.5927 76.1114 75.9991 71.7052 75.9991C67.2989 75.9991 63.7052 79.5929 63.7052 83.9991V199.203C63.7052 203.203 67.2989 206.796 71.7052 206.796V206.795ZM222.909 47.2032C222.909 51.6096 219.315 55.2032 214.909 55.2032H206.502L193.299 232.407C192.893 236.407 189.705 240 185.299 240H37.7077C33.7077 240 30.1141 236.797 29.7077 232.407L16.5046 55.2032H8.09818C3.69179 55.2032 0.0982056 51.6095 0.0982056 47.2032C0.0982056 42.7969 3.69195 39.2033 8.09818 39.2033H63.706V8.00017C63.706 3.59379 67.2997 0.000198364 71.706 0.000198364H151.706C156.112 0.000198364 159.706 3.59395 159.706 8.00017V39.2033H214.91C219.3 39.2033 222.909 42.797 222.909 47.2032H222.909ZM79.7051 39.2033H143.705V16.0001H79.7051V39.2033ZM190.501 55.2032H32.9093L45.3001 223.999H178.096L190.501 55.2032ZM111.705 206.795C116.111 206.795 119.705 203.201 119.705 198.795V83.9991C119.705 79.5927 116.111 75.9991 111.705 75.9991C107.299 75.9991 103.705 79.5929 103.705 83.9991V199.203C103.705 203.203 107.299 206.796 111.705 206.796V206.795Z" fill="#FFFFFF"></path></span><span class="css-rsi8r4-Node" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 8px; margin-left: 8px;"></span></button></div></div></div></div><figcaption class="css-1sb3biq-Node" data-key="99" data-slate-object="block" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #666666; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-top: 12px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><span data-key="100" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Drawing branches Photo by Author</span></figcaption></figure><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="101" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.2; margin: 40px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="102" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: small;">The Branches and Rain</span></span></h2><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="103" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="104" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">I started with some branches using </span><a class="css-13t6bg-Node" data-key="105" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://shop.crayola.com/color-and-draw/colors-of-the-world-washable-skin-tone-markers-24-count-5878020000.html" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline-block;"><span data-key="106" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Crayola's </span></a><span data-key="107" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">"Colors of the World" markers. On my first three branches, I alternated green leaves with a </span><a class="css-13t6bg-Node" data-key="108" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://www.sharpie.com/markers/permanent-markers/sharpie-permanent-markers-color-burst-fine-point/SAP_1949557.html" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline-block;"><span data-key="109" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Sharpie</span></a><span data-key="110" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;"> marker and a </span><a class="css-13t6bg-Node" data-key="111" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://www.papermate.com/pens/felt-tip/flair-medium/PMFlairMediumBlackMedium.html" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline-block;"><span data-key="112" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Papermate</span></a><span data-key="113" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;"> marker. The Papermate green marker rubbed off on my right hand, so I kept wiping it off. I used a random brown marker to darken the connection of the leaves and the branch. It looked wrong, so I tried blending it with a light skin tone Crayola marker. The branches turned out thicker than I wanted, but it was now permanent. I removed the random marker from my art markers. </span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="114" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="115" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Using the light skin tone marker, I drew a line through the leaves too causing the Papermate marker ink to blend with the Crayola marker ink. I felt a little concerned. However, when I viewed the dried product the next morning, I liked the bleeding effect and the paler tone. For some of the leaves, I added green in again. That green turned out darker.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="116" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="117" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">With each branch, I outlined the leaves then filled them in. I ensured each marker stroke followed the outline's direction. Next, I shaded with dark green lines. I outlined the raindrops then filled them in with ultra-fine point aquamarine or light blue markers. I first drew a circle of white as my highlight to draw around. About half the time, the white spot stayed. On the aquamarine drops, I shaded them with light blue. On the light blue drops, I shaded them with light gray. Next, I shaded all the raindrops with royal blue. Finally, I darkened the branch and drew a line through the middle of the leaves with a Color of the World marker.</span></p><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="118" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.2; margin: 40px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="119" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: small;">Washing Off Marker</span></span></h2><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="120" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="121" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">While drawing the final branches, my toddler squiggled near the upper right corner. The marker was washable, so I hoped a wet rag could take it off. It did! I wiped off other smudges too. However, this doesn't work on the Sharpie markers or regular paper that soaks in ink.</span></p><figure class="css-1337cuy" data-key="122" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; flex-direction: column; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 32px auto 12px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div data-key="123" data-slate-void="true" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div class="css-1c642n6-LoadingImage" style="box-sizing: border-box; padding-bottom: 363.375px; position: relative; width: 646px;"><div class="css-1tnn1f8-LoadingImage" style="box-sizing: border-box; position: absolute; width: 646px;"><div style="box-sizing: border-box;"><img alt="" class="css-1a54twd-Image" data-key="123" data-name="cloudinary-img" data-slate-object="block" height="288" src="https://res.cloudinary.com/jerrick/image/upload/f_jpg,q_auto,w_720/61442d2e455fd5001fd522ae.jpg" style="border: none; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: bottom; width: 646px;" width="516" /></div></div></div></div></div></figure><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="127" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.2; margin: 40px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="128" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: small;">The Rainbow</span></span></h2><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="129" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="130" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">I felt nervous about drawing the rainbow arc because I had no circle big enough to trace the lines. My brother had shared with me how to draw circles when he showed me his first painting. He used a string with a pencil attached to the end. Hold the string still on one end while drawing the circumference. This video illustrates it in the last example, but I wouldn't use a pin. </span></p><div data-key="131" data-slate-void="true" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div class="css-19amkpi-Block" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 32px; margin-top: 40px;"><div class="css-l3ic4p-Embed" style="box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><div class="css-0" data-name="iframely-ref" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div class="iframely-embed" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div class="iframely-responsive" style="box-sizing: border-box; height: 0px; left: 0px; padding-bottom: 363.375px; position: relative; top: 0px; width: 646px;"><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" scrolling="no" src="https://cdn.iframe.ly/api/iframe?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D_yqmqESN_Oo&v=1&app=1&key=57d2ec5998440ab74c7cf485bffd908c" style="border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; height: 363.375px; left: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; width: 646px;"></iframe></div></div></div><button class="css-15d6bm8-Embed" data-name="delete-btn" style="-webkit-box-align: center; align-items: center; appearance: none; background: none rgb(26, 26, 26); border-color: transparent; border-radius: 0.25rem; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: inline-flex; font-family: inherit; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0.75em 1.25em; position: absolute; right: 16px; top: 16px; touch-action: manipulation; user-select: none; vertical-align: middle; visibility: hidden; white-space: nowrap; z-index: 1;"><svg class="css-seof7b-Icon" height="14" title="" viewbox="0 0 240 240" width="14"></svg><span style="font-size: small;"><path d="M143.705 198.795V83.9991C143.705 79.5927 147.299 75.9991 151.705 75.9991C156.111 75.9991 159.705 79.5929 159.705 83.9991V199.203C159.705 203.609 156.111 207.203 151.705 207.203C147.299 207.203 143.705 203.203 143.705 198.796V198.795ZM71.7052 206.795C76.1116 206.795 79.7051 203.201 79.7051 198.795V83.9991C79.7051 79.5927 76.1114 75.9991 71.7052 75.9991C67.2989 75.9991 63.7052 79.5929 63.7052 83.9991V199.203C63.7052 203.203 67.2989 206.796 71.7052 206.796V206.795ZM222.909 47.2032C222.909 51.6096 219.315 55.2032 214.909 55.2032H206.502L193.299 232.407C192.893 236.407 189.705 240 185.299 240H37.7077C33.7077 240 30.1141 236.797 29.7077 232.407L16.5046 55.2032H8.09818C3.69179 55.2032 0.0982056 51.6095 0.0982056 47.2032C0.0982056 42.7969 3.69195 39.2033 8.09818 39.2033H63.706V8.00017C63.706 3.59379 67.2997 0.000198364 71.706 0.000198364H151.706C156.112 0.000198364 159.706 3.59395 159.706 8.00017V39.2033H214.91C219.3 39.2033 222.909 42.797 222.909 47.2032H222.909ZM79.7051 39.2033H143.705V16.0001H79.7051V39.2033ZM190.501 55.2032H32.9093L45.3001 223.999H178.096L190.501 55.2032ZM111.705 206.795C116.111 206.795 119.705 203.201 119.705 198.795V83.9991C119.705 79.5927 116.111 75.9991 111.705 75.9991C107.299 75.9991 103.705 79.5929 103.705 83.9991V199.203C103.705 203.203 107.299 206.796 111.705 206.796V206.795Z" fill="#FFFFFF"></path></span><span class="css-1qyen3x-Embed" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 8px; margin-left: 8px;"></span></button></div></div></div></div><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="133" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="134" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Instead of a pin, my husband held the string on the bottom left corner while I drew the first arc. On the second arc, I noticed the arc had shifted. My husband said I needed to keep the pencil in the same position. I redrew the second arc an inch apart. I repeated the process solo adding an inch of string for the next arc. I felt so proud that I had drawn such a clean arc.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="135" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="136" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Filling in the rainbow, I had difficulty choosing hues because I only had bold hues in my fine point marker inventory. I would run out of ink using the muted ultra-fine point markers. I chose bold colors anyway. First, I traced the pencil line and branches with the ultra-fine markers in each color. Second, I filled in with the fine point markers while keeping my lines arched. Finally, I applied darker shades of green and blue to the leaves and raindrops.</span></p><figure class="css-1337cuy" data-key="137" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; flex-direction: column; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 32px auto 12px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div data-key="138" data-slate-void="true" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div class="css-1c642n6-LoadingImage" style="box-sizing: border-box; padding-bottom: 363.375px; position: relative; width: 646px;"><div class="css-1tnn1f8-LoadingImage" style="box-sizing: border-box; position: absolute; width: 646px;"><div style="box-sizing: border-box;"><img alt="" class="css-1a54twd-Image" data-key="138" data-name="cloudinary-img" data-slate-object="block" height="269" src="https://res.cloudinary.com/jerrick/image/upload/f_jpg,q_auto,w_720/61442d2e455fd5001fd522af.jpg" style="border: none; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: bottom; width: 646px;" width="482" /></div></div></div></div></div></figure><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="142" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.2; margin: 40px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="143" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: small;">The Background</span></span></h2><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="144" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="145" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">How would I fill such a large background space only using markers and not run out of ink? I pondered and concluded I could smudge the water-based markers. I bought small sponge paintbrushes at Hobby Lobby.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="146" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="147" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">First, I squiggled blue or green between the leaves. Second, I dipped the sponge brush in water and squeezed out excess water. Third, I used the sponge to smudge the marker. Some of the leaf ink smudged too. Fourth, I patted the excess water off the canvas with a paper towel. Fifth, I rinsed out the brush between smudges. </span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="148" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="149" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Finally, I outlined the leaves and raindrops that faded into the background, especially the leaves that had bled. I kept thinking the art piece needed more, but I told myself it was time to be done. I let the canvas dry overnight and I felt pleased with the smudged background in the morning.</span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="150" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="151" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Still, the temptation loomed to shade more. But I let the urge go. The piece was good enough.</span></p><h2 class="css-k34xyw-Node" data-key="152" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.2; margin: 40px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="153" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: small;">The Symbolism</span></span></h2><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="154" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="155" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">We all have struggles when we can't see through the metaphorical veil of tears. But there is a promise, </span><a class="css-13t6bg-Node" data-key="156" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://www.biblestudytools.com/genesis/passage/?q=genesis+9:13-16" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline-block;"><span data-key="157" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">God's promise</span></a><span data-key="158" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">, at the end of the storm. A rainbow will appear to remind us of the promise of better days. We can have hope during our painful times. We can find the color amid the gray. </span></p><p class="css-1p1gtan-Node" data-key="159" data-slate-object="block" style="background-color: white; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Droid Serif", Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; letter-spacing: 0.01em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 32px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-key="160" data-slate-object="text" style="box-sizing: border-box;">There is hope.</span></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-34500339153232980882021-08-30T22:27:00.001-06:002021-08-30T22:27:13.814-06:00It's a Blessing to Be a Burden<p> <i>In my downward spiral, I felt I was only a burden. But I learned differently.</i></p><figure class="graf graf--figure" name="d469"><img class="graf-image" data-height="3792" data-image-id="0*cBP3jWxptk3Oa-ug" data-unsplash-photo-id="mQARYwDfa3k" data-width="5683" height="316" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/800/0*cBP3jWxptk3Oa-ug" width="475" /><figcaption class="imageCaption">Photo by <a class="markup--anchor markup--figure-anchor" data-href="https://unsplash.com/@mbuff?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral" href="https://unsplash.com/@mbuff?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral" rel="photo-creator noopener" target="_blank">Sung Jin Cho</a> on <a class="markup--anchor markup--figure-anchor" data-href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral" href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral" rel="photo-source noopener" target="_blank">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p class="graf graf--p" name="bda9">At some point, most of us feel like we are a burden to others. When we struggle mentally, emotionally, or physically, we may feel like a burden because we require additional care. We cannot fulfill all of our physical and emotional needs without assistance. It’s oh-so frustrating to rely on others for our basic needs. This summer I struggled with additional anxiety and feeling like a burden too.</p><h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="3350">My Experience of Feeling Like a Burden</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="dd9e">In the spring, I started medication to help me manage my weight like many other individuals. One prescribed medication was a stimulant that could exacerbate my bipolar and anxiety. At first, I took a small dose of the stimulant and only experienced some anxiety as a side effect. My weight and blood pressure went down. My doctor said I could experiment with a larger dose. I varied between a full dose and half-dose to find a balance, yet my anxiety still increased.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="f24c">Some paranoia appeared. I worried certain friends had abandoned me because some hadn’t responded to my messages. I felt like I was too much of a burden to respond to. Logically, I knew they were busy, but emotionally, I felt they had abandoned me. On the other hand, I felt like such a flake because I canceled on two other friends because I was tired. I tried to push through the paranoia and anxiety because I had results with physically feeling better.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="9a2b">On Father’s Day weekend, I took the stimulant too late in the day and slept poorly. On Monday, I was switching the laundry over when my husband suddenly announced he had to go into the office because of our boys’ loudness. My sleep-deprived brain flipped. I pleaded to my husband I needed a nap. At first, I cried. Then my brain spiraled down to the thought I was a burden to my husband; therefore, I must not exist. I self-harmed and my husband restrained me. I still struggled because he still might have gone to the office. After all, the boys are usually loud. My husband continued working from home. I tried napping, but I was too jittery from the medication. I reasoned no one loved me, God hated me, and I was a burden to my husband. Part of me knew my thinking was very skewed, yet the emotional pain and mental fog prevented reason. </p><p class="graf graf--p" name="f7c1">I slipped away from the house to disappear. I shut off my phone so my husband couldn’t locate or contact me. God had abandoned me. No one was looking for me. </p><blockquote class="graf graf--pullquote" name="d7f3"><b>I kept hearing a boy yell “Mom!” I turned around on the path and no one appeared.</b></blockquote><p class="graf graf--p" name="6e1d">At the end of the trail, a young woman said “hi” to me. Maybe the universe cared about me, but then I could be wrong. No one had come to rescue me, unlike other times people had come to my rescue. I kept walking until I felt impressed one of my boys might be hurt looking for me. I returned home still angry and emotionally wrought. I saw my husband in the car. Once home, my husband said he and my oldest had been looking for me and called me. I still said God didn’t care for me because no one had noticed I was gone. No one had contacted me, though I usually contact my mom or siblings. Albeit, I turned off my phone. I cried, yelled, and rocked back and forth for a time. I calmed outwardly, but decided I would be a wooden puppet.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="1829"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">How do you react when you feel like extra weight to someone else?</em></p><h4 class="graf graf--h4" name="86d9" style="text-align: left;">Counseling Appointment</h4><p class="graf graf--p" name="af31">I debated going to my counselor appointment that evening. I attended. I broke down and my counselor employed some techniques to calm me. I knew this had to be a process she used. I still complained I was a burden and God didn’t care for me. </p><blockquote class="graf graf--pullquote" name="ace8"><b>She told me everyone is a burden to each other. That’s just a fact of life.</b> </blockquote><p class="graf graf--p" name="b623">That thought calmed me. I still felt upset with God. She said maybe God doesn’t exist. I recognized that calming myself mattered more than belief in order for me to stay alive. I could believe it when I had returned to a proper mindset. At the end of the session, I could look at my counselor for a few moments. She asked if I would be okay going home. I said yes.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="7845"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">How do you feel knowing that being a burden is a fact of life?</em></p><h4 class="graf graf--h4" name="9846" style="text-align: left;">Aftershock</h4><p class="graf graf--p" name="0ab4">At home, I tried talking with my husband. I spiraled downward again, but not as severely. I blamed my husband for using me, and so on. I blamed God for someone not reaching out to me. I asked for a priesthood blessing. In the blessing, my husband voiced that angels would help me. I looked and no angels appeared. No one contacted me, but my son hugged me. The dog ignored me, but my husband hovered. No one called or texted me. Where were my angels? I had a test for God. He had to show me angels. Then I thought the angels may be my son and my husband. But they weren’t angels. They were just there to calm me down, so I’d make them regular meals.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="986c"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Do you discount loved ones' efforts to help you sometimes? Why?</em></p><h4 class="graf graf--h4" name="2aeb" style="text-align: left;">Only an Outside Angel Would Do</h4><p class="graf graf--p" name="34e2">My sister texted me late that night. We texted then talked for hours. Then I felt like maybe an angel had come. My husband and son just didn’t count. They are angels, just too familiar angels for me to always recognize.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="8eea"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Do you have angels closer than you think? Do mortals count as angels?</em></p><h4 class="graf graf--h4" name="29fe">The Paradox of Wanting Attention, But Not Wanting Attention</h4><p class="graf graf--p" name="607a">During the whole downward spiral, I didn’t want to reach out to anyone despite that it is my usual coping skill. Surely, they should know I needed help without my asking. The universe would tell them. I kept waiting. I wanted specific people to reach out in order for my prayer to count as answered.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="066e">I thought of posting on Facebook, but I often feel like I am begging for attention, or I am a burden. I struggle with the words of sympathy afterward. I think friends only respond to be nice or feel social pressure to do so. Some comment “Call me. Text me. Anytime.” My brain thinks, “why don’t you just, ‘Call me. Text me. Anytime’ before my plea?” Friends’ sincere reassurance feels futile because it is after my crisis and often only occurs when I draw attention to my distress. Sometimes, I am caught in the paradox of I don’t want attention, but I want it.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="d110">On the other hand, I only comment or call when I see someone struggling. I haven’t “been there” daily. I will bear your burden in an emergency yet the daily bearing of that burden feels overwhelming. After all, we have limits on how much we can do.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="932a"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">What reasons stop you from reaching out for help? Have you found a way to balance bearing another’s burdens while practicing self-care?</em></p><h4 class="graf graf--h4" name="31e7">Follow-up</h4><p class="graf graf--p" name="f0fd">I made a primary care doctor appointment and stopped taking the stimulant. At the doctor’s office, the doctor told me to stop the medicine and he increased the dosage on another med. Eventually, I stopped all weight management medicine due to side effects. </p><p class="graf graf--p" name="9324">Mentally, I can open up about my burden now because it’s solved. My brain is thinking clearer. I still wonder about what to do for the next time when I don’t want to share my messy burden.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="312c"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Do you make a plan for when you break down?</em></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">It’s a Blessing to Be a Burden</h3><p class="graf graf--p" name="c882">I tell myself, it is okay and normal to be a burden. I take on the burden of caring for my family because I love them. They take on my burdens because they love me. My friends and I reciprocate sharing our burdens and triumphs. Sometimes we have the strength to lift another. Other times we need someone to lift us. I hope many of us have the support system to bear one another’s burdens.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="53d8">For all of our independence, we are an interdependent species. We depend on our parents or guardians as children. As adolescents, we depend more on ourselves and our peer group. As adults, we become as independent as our circumstances allow, yet we still need to rely on each other emotionally. In our weak moments, we can remember that we are each other’s angels. And if it helps, we can depend on God too.</p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-51340152544707157362021-08-19T20:52:00.000-06:002021-08-19T20:52:28.661-06:00Lehi High Chemistry Teacher Let Fear Turn into Bullying Some Students <p><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Learning from this teacher’s
mistakes, how can we channel our fear into positive outcomes?</span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TOiecgjySdI/YR8YisQRaeI/AAAAAAAAPtI/KZMxHJj8kwo_NnoxYj7zDvpxo-bUY2guwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1920/training-course.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1920" data-original-width="1920" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TOiecgjySdI/YR8YisQRaeI/AAAAAAAAPtI/KZMxHJj8kwo_NnoxYj7zDvpxo-bUY2guwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/training-course.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Via <a href="https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/view-image.php?image=283969&picture=training-course" target="_blank">Public Domain Photos</a></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Scrolling through Facebook, a post mentioned chemistry
teacher Leah Kinyon’s berating students on the first day of school. I searched
through the news and my Facebook feed. Some parents on Facebook understandably
called for her to be fired. After school on the first day, </span><a href="https://www.ksl.com/article/50225272/lehi-teacher-no-longer-employed-after-controversial-political-speech-to-class" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alpine School District put the teacher
on administrative leave</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">. In the afternoon, the district announced
she is no longer an employee (either fired or resigned).</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After watching <a href="https://www.ericmoutsos.com/liberal-utah-teacher-makes-astounding-remarks-first-day-of-school/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">videos</span></a> and reading
comments, I determined Kinyon acted out of fear. She has let her fear of
COVID-19, Trumpism, climate change, and anti-LGBTQIA sentiment turn into
secondary anger toward others. Her anger manifested as intimidation, bullying,
and name-calling toward some students and their parents for several years. Some
parents and students feel fear from her actions too. In a way, Kinyon’s actions
and the student’s actions represent how we all react to fear.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How can we address these fears in positive ways?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Summary<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Address
fear of the pandemic to civil advocacy of your beliefs<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Apply
the scientific method to parents’ beliefs<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Understand
the fear LGBTQIA and their families face, and the fear on the other side.
Understand that we can disagree agreeably about LGBTQIA issues and achieve
a compromise of “fairness for all.”<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Recognize
free will creates chaos in a democracy<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Address
abuse with the offender and then authorities kindly and privately<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Strive
to love those outside your circle<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Coping with the Pandemic<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Many of us fear the effects of COVID-19 and government
policies, which fear may manifest as anger or despair. For Kinyon, she fears
unvaccinated students passing the COVID variants to her and her family. She
understands the suffering it has caused and feels frustrated others aren’t
doing their part, just as we all feel about our “side”. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In our fear, like Kinyon’s, we sometimes place blame on
human “spreaders” for the suffering and death caused by the Covid-19 virus. We
hate that we can’t control the virus because it isn’t a flesh and blood enemy
to conquer. Instead, we dehumanize anyone not following our rules into the
virus to retain our false sense of control. After all, we have some ability to
control people. Yet we balk when others resent or defy our control over their
free will. We justify banning free will under the banner of “right to life.” We
fail to see that suffering or dying from the virus is a natural cause. No human
deprived someone of their right to life. Nature did.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We can acknowledge the loss of control, to find what is
within our individual control, such as personal hygiene and vaccination. We can
share our experiences to encourage others to do the same. For example, Kinyon
could be a compassionate advocate for the vaccine. She congratulated one
student on the vaccine. Why not encourage, instead of shaming, others to
vaccinate too?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Instead of turning to anger or despair, we can turn our fear
into action, hope, and courage. Hope that the vaccine offers better protection.
Hope that the virus is rarely fatal. Hope that we can adjust and thrive despite
a virus. Courage to serve others in time of need. Courage to wear a mask, or
not to wear a mask. Courage to maintain and encourage civility. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What positive emotions do you turn your fear into?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Examining Parents Opinions VS
Calling for Rebellion<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Kinyon drew on teenagers’ desire to question or rebel
against what their parents believe. She stated, “My parents were freakin’
dumb!” and that her world opened up after she stopped believing them. She
admonished students to follow suit. This statement shows she has partially
stayed in a rebellious mindset. Instead, this science teacher could teach
students to apply the scientific method, to rigorously examine their parents’
political and scientific beliefs. Then let students form their own conclusions
from presented facts, so they may adopt, adapt, or reject their parents’
beliefs. In this way, Kinyon could have promoted healthy independence.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Have you changed your childhood beliefs? Why?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Caring for LGBTQIA Individuals
and Others<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bullying and shunning LGBTQIA individuals happen in Utah
despite the urging of political and spiritual leaders to love them. According
to the <a href="https://dsamh.utah.gov/sharp-survey" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2019 SHARP survey</span></a>, LGB students experienced about
<a href="https://www.sltrib.com/news/2020/09/23/first-of-its-kind-report/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">30% more</span></a> suicidal ideation
than heterosexual students. During my high school years, two classmates
expressed their fear negatively that suicide or bestiality was better than
being homosexual. Thus, when I felt same-sex attraction as a junior, I
panicked. These attitudes, the weaponization of traditional marriage, and a
subculture of perfectionism contribute to the LGBTQ suicidal ideation in Utah.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So I get why Kinyon fears for the LGBTQIA students as a
Gay-Straight Alliance mentor. She wants to help them feel accepted and loved.
However, her fearful approach backfires because she is excluding those who
disagree with her (evidenced by “Get out!” in the video). Her exclusive
approach alienates those who disagree on LGBTQ issues, instead of inviting them
to the discussion where persuasion usually happens. Maybe on her better days,
she shows kindness to all students when she sets aside politics.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How can we show love for both LGBTQIA individuals and
others?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Understand Free Will is Chaotic<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Politics in a democracy center around free will and
persuasion, thus multitudinous viewpoints. The hope is to argue the points
kindly, listen to others, adjust positions, and hopefully find solutions fair
for everyone. This process appears contentious and chaotic at times when
everyone can voice their opinion. Why other countries
consider Americans crazy! We will step on each other’s toes. We will offend
each other (there is no right to not be offended). What one person does will
affect another person. Yet that doesn’t mean someone has always violated
another’s free will when it is a natural consequence.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We circumvent the free exchange of ideas when we engage in
name-calling, shaming, shunning, or any other method to control another.
Because Kinyon fears the influence of Trump and his supporters in the US, she
intimidated students with Trumpist views to shut down their speech. This type
of attitude on any side of the debate hurts the democratic process.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Kinyon also allowed her burnout and students’ comments to
fester her. Understandably, she expressed her frustration, but in the wrong
place and time. She probably needs mental rest, like the rest of us.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What do you do to rejuvenate your mind before a difficult
discussion?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Overcome Fear to Report Bullying
and Abuse<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">According to parents and students on my Facebook feed, Leah
Kinney has acted similarly for eight years. Comments implied students had
reported her behavior before. Maybe she received discipline. If she did, it
failed to correct the mistakes. Sadly, it took a video to social media to
initiate correction. <a href="https://www.ericmoutsos.com/liberal-utah-teacher-makes-astounding-remarks-first-day-of-school/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Eric Moutsos</span></a> revealed
Kinyon’s name, workplace, and appearance, which publicly shamed her whether
Moutsos intended to or not. Moutsos could have withheld identifying details and
blurred her face in the video to let the content speak for itself.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The victims, or students, in Kinney’s case, feel intimidated
because the teacher has power over them. I understand that fear as a student.
In fifth grade, Mr. L. told D.S., “Damn you to hell” and threatened to paddle us
with “Big Bertha” for disobedience. I circulated a classroom petition for him
to stop swearing (really verbal abuse). Mr. L. justified to weepy me that he
only used biblical words. I directed my fear into action to rectify a problem.
Yet I didn’t know to report the verbal abuse to the principal, or even higher.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In my experience schools create an insular space where
others fear to report harassment and bullying because of indifferent
administrators. For example, I experienced retaliation when I reported
workplace harassment as a school substitute. I privately addressed my concerns
to the offender, then the school administration yet all justified her
badgering. Days later, I received a notice that the substitute agency banned me
from subbing at that school due to my “contentious and unprofessional”
behavior. Despite my suicidality upon receiving the news, I engaged that fear
to report to the district’s human resources department and the substitute
agency’s local representative. HR and the representative concluded I could sub
the next year at that school, and they would address the teacher’s behavior
confidentially. I discovered the agency’s policy was to ban subs at schools
whenever the faculty reported issues. In other words, retaliation against subs
is a de facto policy.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Those reporting infractions show courage for their actions
because of the potential fallout. Yet it matters how and why they report too.
Reporting abuse needs to make an effort to correct — not punish — the offender and support the victim. In our society, some desire to destroy and avenge the
offender. Both sides deserve love.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What happened when you blew the whistle? Why did you do it?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Love Your Enemies<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Kinyon and most of us easily love those who show loyalty and
have similar beliefs. We enjoy it when someone aligns their free will with
ours. We may create a “tribe” of loyal friends that eventually excludes others.
When someone threatens a friend, we defend our tribe, in turn attacking another
“tribe.” Hurt feelings may fester into enmity. Thus, we need to remove our
mental barriers and expand our circle to those with different viewpoints. And
to those who hurt us too within certain boundaries.<o:p></o:p></span></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-73821976582017542962021-04-03T19:54:00.002-06:002021-04-03T19:54:57.262-06:00Poem: Noon Day Sun<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vJY9Ql2uLO8/VTKwd-5lwgI/AAAAAAAAAWA/IIKTCLFriyczDmt2aBzkquvzU6lkob_4QCPcBGAYYCw/s447/mary-the-resurrected-christ-39605-gallery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="447" data-original-width="338" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vJY9Ql2uLO8/VTKwd-5lwgI/AAAAAAAAAWA/IIKTCLFriyczDmt2aBzkquvzU6lkob_4QCPcBGAYYCw/s320/mary-the-resurrected-christ-39605-gallery.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>He hangs by nails</p><p>Above rocks of skull</p><p>The noon sun fails</p><p>Black clouds overfull</p><p><br /></p><p>Three hours of dark</p><p>Three hours of pain</p><p>Three hours no spark</p><p>Three hours dark reigns</p><p><br /></p><p>The guttural cry</p><p>The final plea</p><p>His breaths die</p><p>His Spirit rests free</p><p><br /></p><p>Rocks slash ajar</p><p>Graves yield their saints</p><p>The earth shudders</p><p>A soldier utters:</p><p><br /></p><p>“Truly, this was the Son of God”</p><p><br /></p><p>Behind hewn rock,</p><p>His body stays</p><p>Earthen waves shock</p><p>Lightning strikes blaze</p><p><br /></p><p>Two angels declare:</p><p>“He is gone; He is risen”</p><p>Women search elsewhere</p><p>For He fled death’s prison</p><p><br /></p><p>Brighter than noon day sun</p><p>He parts the clouds</p><p>He blesses one by one</p><p>His love enshrouds</p><p><br /></p><p>Truly He is the Son of God</p><div><br /></div>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-80931814255010654742021-03-02T22:17:00.000-07:002021-03-02T22:17:04.236-07:00How Can We Help Someone with Suicidal Thoughts?<p><i><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Mkpf41NQRyk/YD8bmA56g4I/AAAAAAAAOTI/V9--UoXUEsMRrf68GVyO0TfP8KAmKPp2QCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/hasan-almasi-BIrL2bdlMa4-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Mkpf41NQRyk/YD8bmA56g4I/AAAAAAAAOTI/V9--UoXUEsMRrf68GVyO0TfP8KAmKPp2QCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/hasan-almasi-BIrL2bdlMa4-unsplash.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #111111; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; white-space: nowrap;">Photo by </span><a href="https://unsplash.com/@hasanalmasi?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" style="background-color: whitesmoke; box-sizing: border-box; color: #767676; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; text-decoration-skip-ink: auto; transition: color 0.1s ease-in-out 0s, opacity 0.1s ease-in-out 0s; white-space: nowrap;">Hasan Almasi</a><span style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #111111; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; white-space: nowrap;"> on </span><a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/dandelion-seeds?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" style="background-color: whitesmoke; box-sizing: border-box; color: #767676; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; text-decoration-skip-ink: auto; transition: color 0.1s ease-in-out 0s, opacity 0.1s ease-in-out 0s; white-space: nowrap;">Unsplash</a></td></tr></tbody></table></i></p><p><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This post is personal advice and not a professional opinion.</span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/stress-and-burnout-symptoms-and-causes-3144516" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Burnout</span></a> has been worse this
year for me and others. Personally, I have self-harmed multiple times and <a href="https://davis-eileen3.medium.com/some-pandemic-measures-to-stop-covid-19-deaths-increase-mental-illness-and-deaths-of-despair-2cdeba9d8d1b" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">tried to die by suicide twice and I
know of four adults who have died by suicide recently</span></a>. I believe we
all know someone who has passed away or is suffering emotionally, besides those
suffering from COVID-19.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After a very rough night in January, I contemplated how we
can address these problems. First, I wondered how loved ones felt. I asked how
my parents felt when my siblings or I experienced suicidal ideation or
attempts. My mom responded that she felt “helpless.” My dad concurred. At
times, I felt helpless to assist my siblings when they suffered suicidality
too.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Despite this feeling of helplessness, my family and I have
helped each other through our mental illness struggles. Other friends, family,
professionals, and strangers have helped too.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here are the contents of what I will cover:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Self-care<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Modeling
healthy behavior<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Accepting
your efforts<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">QPR
training<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Recognizing
suicidality is complex, and not anyone’s “fault”<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Recognizing
suicidal expressions are usually a desire to end the pain<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Being
kind<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Holding
each other accountable<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Following
your gut<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Seeking
professional help<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Pinkslipping<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Ideas
for when a loved one is on a waitlist<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Self-care<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This may seem simple, but <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health-news/self-care-is-not-just-treating-yourself" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">self-care</span></a> enables you to
have a clear and active mind. Your thoughts and actions to help others will
flow more freely. Some basics of self-care include sleep, a balanced diet,
exercise, meditation, social interaction, and spiritual practices. Make these
basics easy to do and part of your routine.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How do you practice self-care?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Model Healthy Behavior<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Modeling self-care will show your loved ones how to take
care of themselves. Some of them will follow your example, but others may not.
Keep modeling healthy behavior anyway. With some self-care routines, you can
invite your loved ones to join you. For example, my mom invited me to walk with
her in the morning.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What self-care activity do you think your loved one would
enjoy?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Accept Your Efforts As Worthy<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As humans, we will fail each other. You will fail your loved
one at some point. However, you can use those failures to know how to do better
next time. Successful people are the ones who fail the most and learn from
their mistakes.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Many times, we can’t do much to help our loved ones, but we
can do <i>something</i>. Work on what you can do within your physical and mental
limitations. It may be small, but it adds up. Sometimes what you do will be a
small act in a host of larger acts that will help someone recover.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So please don’t beat yourself up if you feel like you
haven’t done enough. You can only do what you were emotionally, physically, and
spiritually capable to do at the moment. Your efforts are imperfectly perfect.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Besides, you really don’t know all the good you do.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Like a dandelion seed, your small
act can seed blossoms in every yard.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">QPR (Question, Persuade,
or Refer)<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I am unfamiliar with QPR, but I know that it is training to
identify and help someone contemplating suicide. Individuals can train in <a href="https://qprinstitute.com/about-qpr" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">QPR</span></a> to act as informed gatekeepers to “recognize
the warning signs of suicide[,] know how to offer hope[, and] know how to get
help and save a life.” The website lists “the known warning signs of a suicide
crisis: expressions of hopelessness, depression, giving away prized
possessions, talking of suicide, [and] securing lethal means[.]” For QPR
training and further information, visit this <a href="https://qprinstitute.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">website</span></a>.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Along with this, don’t hesitate to ask your loved ones if
they feel suicidal. I appreciate it when my family and friends will do this,
despite how awkward it may feel. I will also ask my boys, husband, or others
the same question when I see warning signs.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For advice on how to ask your loved one such a tough
question, read this <a href="https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/September-2019/How-to-Ask-Someone-About-Suicide" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">NAMI </span></a>article.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What do you know about QPR?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It Is Not Your Fault, But a Variety
of Factors<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sometimes we blame ourselves if a loved one self-harms or
even dies by suicide. Occasionally, a loved one will blame you or others for
their self-harm. But it is rarely someone else’s fault, or even the loved one’s
fault. People’s poor actions may contribute to someone’s suicidality. These
actions usually are abuse, severe shaming, bullying, restrictive government
regulations, or fearmongering. It is a complex web of stress factors that lead
to someone choosing suicide.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">To explain this web, I occasionally blame my husband or
another loved one for not being present enough. For example, nine months into
my marriage I stayed home from a church meeting while my husband attended. I
tried to guilt-trip him to stay home with me. He chose to practice spiritual
self-care. While at the meeting, my husband sent his thoughts heavenward that I
would be okay. I was angry with him when he returned. I said I almost didn’t
make it, which was partially true. In reality, several factors played into my
suicidality:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<ol start="1" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A
bishopric counselor shamed me during my BYU ecclesiastical endorsement interview. He said I wasn’t thankful enough because I hadn’t properly done my visit teaching (despite my best efforts).<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
had experienced sexual and religious harassment at a previous job where the employer and an Idaho Human Rights Council employee called it free speech.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
experienced betrayal trauma from an intimate relationship.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
felt shame over my continued attraction to a previous crush.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
overextended myself by taking too many college courses.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
suffered from burnout, SAD, and bipolar “<a href="https://musingsofcrazyredhead.blogspot.com/2019/02/bipolar-spring-fever-and-eliminate-time.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">spring fever</span></a>.”<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
was switching medications.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Ultimately, my suicidality wasn’t directly someone else’s
fault, but a combination of a few people mistreating me, mental illness, and my
actions. The people who mistreated me are culpable for their actions and some
of the effects on me, but not my reactions. I chose my reactions (while under
the influence of mental illness) to their mistreatment.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Overall, it is too complex to “fault” anyone for a loved
one’s suicide.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Has a loved one ever blamed you for their suicidality? If
so, how did you deal with it?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Recognize They Want to End
the Pain<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A loved one may say they want to die, but what they most
likely mean is that they want to end the pain. I know that’s the case for me.
So to help someone, we need to look at how we can help them handle the pain in
a healthy way. Often validating their feelings helps considerably.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Be Kind<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We need to treat ourselves and others with kindness and
patience because we are all “children” learning how to live. When we focus on
kindness to all, we will have a greater influence on others. And the chances of
intentionally hurting someone diminishes.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Hold Each Other Accountable<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As mortals, we hurt each other intentionally and
unintentionally. Your loved one will hurt you, and you will hurt your loved
one. As a consequence, we need to hold ourselves accountable and our loved ones
accountable. We can do this kindly and firmly. We can develop ways to kindly
express hurt, employ reasonable consequences, and foster forgiveness with one
another.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">About two decades ago, my family and I had to hold my
brother accountable for wrongdoing for him to receive additional mental health
care. One afternoon, my brother destroyed parts of the house, charged at me
with a knife, and threatened to kill me. My other brother knocked him down
while I called the police. The police and an emergency counselor helped calm my
brother. My parents charged him, which put my adult brother under state
custody.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My family and I acted with love so my brother would receive
vital help. Occasionally, I yelled at my brother that everything wrong was his
fault and I apologized. And my brother apologized in his own way. We forgave
one another. I knew his actions stemmed largely from mental illness and
anxiety.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">With help from his social network, my brother now has a
stable life, marriage, and family.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What is your experience holding a loved one accountable?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Seek Professional Help<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You and your loved one need additional help to overcome
suicidality. Depending on the situation, a loved one will need a therapist, a
doctor or psychiatrist, group therapy, or medication. You will need a support
network too, whether that be friends, family, support groups (like <a href="https://nami.org/Home" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">NAMI</span></a>),
a doctor, or a therapist. Caregivers may experience burnout, anxiety,
depression, or PTSD.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Did you know that it’s normal for caregivers to experience </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.goodtherapy.org/for-professionals/business-management/human-resources/article/cost-of-caring-10-ways-to-prevent-compassion-fatigue" target="_blank"><i><span style="color: blue;">compassion fatigue</span></i></a><i>?</i><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Follow Your Gut Feeling<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We each have an <a href="https://repeller.com/intuition-gut-feeling/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">intuition</span></a> that we may call vibes, a gut feeling,
empathy, or a <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2017/04/let-the-holy-spirit-guide?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">spiritual prompting</span></a>.
Personally, I believe that intuition is our spirits and the Holy Ghost. Our
intuition will sometimes guide us when to help another. Almost fifteen years
ago, a neighbor followed a spiritual prompting to visit me. I heard her knock
while I was attempting suicide. I had prayed for help minutes before. I stopped
my attempt and answered the door. She was headed back to her apartment, but she
returned and talked with me. Because she followed her intuition, she may have
saved my life.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Your experience may not be as dramatic, but it is those
small warnings and promptings that will often guide us to help our loved ones.
This doesn’t mean our intuition is always accurate or always works, but it does
mean it can work. And we can develop that intuition through mindfulness.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What do you call your “gut feeling”? Where do you think this
intuition comes from?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For Immediate Intervention<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This section is based on a conversation with my counselor.
So you know, I am unfamiliar with pinkslipping.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When you need immediate intervention for a loved one, see
what you can safely do to stop them from physically harming themselves. Or
employ help from others. Call emergency services or take them to the Emergency
Room. If they are already injured, they will need medical help.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If a suicidal loved one refuses help in an emergency, asking
police or other legal authorities to “<a href="https://www.cantonrep.com/news/20170609/pink-slipping-mental-health-help-can-start-with-piece-of-paper" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">pink-slip</span></a>” or probate an
individual allows authorities to speed up the intake process.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Probating” via an affidavit filed
with the court and “pink-slipping” filed by doctors, psychologists, police or
other healthcare professionals are the two ways to involuntary hospitalize
someone suffering mental health issues.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.cantonrep.com/news/20170609/pink-slipping-mental-health-help-can-start-with-piece-of-paper" target="_blank"><i><span style="color: blue;">-Lori Steinock, CantonRep.com</span></i></a><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Through this process, a mental health professional will
assess the individual within a 24–72 hour period. After that, a judge must
approve the stay based upon the evidence.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Personally, I have not been involuntarily committed, but two
of my siblings have. One stayed for several months (under state custody) and
the other stayed only a few days. I went to the psychiatric unit voluntarily a
few days after I gave myself a concussion. I stayed five days to start new
meds. They put me in touch with a psychiatrist upon leaving. That said, I won’t
ever voluntarily commit myself again. I reach out for help from my husband, a
suicide hotline, or other family members. I schedule an additional appointment
with my psychiatrist or therapist if the suicidality persists. The best way is
to seek help as early as possible.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Do you know more about immediate interventions?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 4;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Ideas for When A Loved One Is on
a Waitlist<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Currently, there is a long waitlist in some areas for mental
health professionals. To fill that gap, a loved one can visit a school
counselor, religious leader, support group, regular doctor, or call or text a
crisis hotline. For two or three years, I attended a free, peer-led <a href="https://recoveryinternational.org/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Recovery International</span></a> support group based on
Abraham Low’s cognitive behavioral therapy books.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If a loved one needs financial help, look into temporary
disability, charitable organizations, or your church. Psychoeducation can be
very powerful too. Many professionals have written workbooks a person can
process their emotions through. An individual can employ certain therapies on
their own, such as <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/eft-tapping#What-is-EFT-tapping?" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">emotional freedom technique (EFT)
tapping</span></a>, journaling<a href="https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/three-good-things" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;"> 3 good things</span></a>, and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/mindfulness" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">mindfulness</span></a>.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And the best free therapy is routine, exercise, sleep, a
healthy diet, and socializing.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Do you know of other free resources or support groups? Share
in the comments.</span></i></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-23572482840669610352021-02-23T19:11:00.003-07:002021-02-23T19:11:39.847-07:00Some Pandemic Measures to Stop COVID-19 Deaths Increase Mental Illness and Deaths of Despair<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--SIEGpK9smI/YDW1RJCqknI/AAAAAAAAOR8/kkaiQ_EbOTU02n2pHgsPJ0i8niWzEb6jgCPcBGAsYHg/s1920/PXL_20210217_052905280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--SIEGpK9smI/YDW1RJCqknI/AAAAAAAAOR8/kkaiQ_EbOTU02n2pHgsPJ0i8niWzEb6jgCPcBGAsYHg/s320/PXL_20210217_052905280.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Author</td></tr></tbody></table></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><br />My thoughts are somewhat scattered writing this. I have
tried multiple times to write about the mental health crisis for myself and
others, but I struggle to make it coherent since I am often overwhelmed when
beginning. Initially published on my Medium page 1/15/21.</i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I feel like this pandemic has hurt so many people mentally —
more than we will know for years. We put the value on physical life — as in not
dying from the coronavirus or other diseases — but some in the government and
media and some regular Joes care less about those who are at increased risk of
a “death of despair.” We don’t matter because we are not obvious to the world.
Our deaths are recorded as something other than suicide. We are recorded as the
man run over by a train or the “selfish” man who dared defend himself. We are
another gun violence statistic quoted to deny us guns needed for our self-protection.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I understand that COVID-19 is a deadly disease for many. I
don’t want my parents to get it. I don’t want people to live in fear of getting
it. But it has spread because no human can stop nature. We can only take a few
measures to mitigate the damage. Yes, masks and social distancing help. And
living a healthier life would help too. But the pandemic has been used for the
reason to deny people work and critical social interaction.<o:p></o:p></p>
<h4 style="text-align: left;">Talking with My Therapist about the Mental Health Impacts</h4><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I discuss many of my feelings with my therapist as I go
through this. She has shared that the normal burnout people experience in late
winter happened in October. Her office waitlist has increased exponentially. My
son who was put on the top of that waitlist, waited three months to be seen.
Current patients have also doubled their normal visits, including me who
quadrupled my visits over the summer. She expresses how mental health
professionals must deal with the anxiety of both clients wearing the mask and
not wearing the mask, of clients’ fears when others wear or not wear a mask,
those who lose loved ones to COVID-19, and those who lose loved ones to deaths
of despair. They counsel those who have lost their jobs, lost social connection
due to shutdowns and social distancing, and an overall sense of powerlessness.
Truly, mental health professionals are left to deal with all the negative
consequences.<o:p></o:p></p>
<h4 style="text-align: left;">The Mentally Ill Need Help Too</h4><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My opinion and so many other opinions on our personal mental
health have been poo-pooed because we don’t fit the current narrative.
The <a href="https://www.sacbee.com/news/local/crime/article247567665.html">11-year-old
boy who died by suicide while attending virtual school </a>doesn’t fit the
agenda that children are adjusting to all-day online school. We are only worth
listening to if it fits the majority opinion’s agenda. I am tired of being on
the agenda when it is only about denying me access to firearms or increasing
the federal budget. Our needs and lives matter as much as anyone else’s needs
and lives. Yes, we disagree on the different approaches. Sometimes it feels
like we have to fight harder to receive the help we need.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And what is the help we need IMO? Access to firearms to
protect ourselves. Access to “nonessential” jobs. Access to therapy that isn’t
so overrun due to the media and government (both parties) stoking our fear of
physical death. Access to robust healthcare, but our healthcare has been
crippled through government interference in the healthcare industry. Access to
the money that we earn instead of withholding it in payroll taxes. If we want
the money back, we have to wait until tax return time or navigate the
impossible network of applying for disability. Access to housing, which
property taxes threaten to take away. Physical access to friends and family
(guess what? <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-asymmetric-brain/201812/3-surprising-ways-hugging-benefits-your-well-being">hugs
increase happiness and immunity</a>).<o:p></o:p></p>
<h4 style="text-align: left;">A Doctor, the Media, and Politicians Downplay Mental Illness</h4><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the current environment, mentally ill people are treated
like we don’t exist if we don’t fit a person’s narrative. It feels the only
people being acknowledged as having a mental illness are those who fear
themselves or loved ones dying of COVID-19. One local pediatrician posts
regularly (and friends and family repost) that our anxiety is only temporary
whereas those who experience COVID-19, die from it, or have a loved one die of
it experience greater mental and physical health consequences. Are others who
relapse into addiction, self-harm, or hurt others due to loneliness,
joblessness, and homelessness only experiencing “temporary” anxiety? Are
suicide and drug overdose deaths “temporary” anxiety?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Having that “temporary” anxiety mixed with bipolar 2 and
PTSD, I know that my scars from suicide attempts are only “temporary.” And it
would have only been “temporary” if I died (except my husband stopped me).<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The media dishonestly covers the lockdown’s effect on mental
illness because they downplay its effects. A one-sided article appeared that
the <a href="https://www.deseret.com/opinion/2020/12/11/22165664/utah-mental-health-suicide-covid-19-pandemic-depression-prevention">Utah
Suicide Prevention Commission</a> claimed that those wearing a mask felt
better mentally because they feel protected, yet failed to mention those who
experience anxiety due to masks. They also stated that there was not an
increase in suicides in Utah when we don’t know if there is a suicide increase
until the CDC publishes the information in 2022. Personally, I lost trust in
this commission because they won’t delve into the multi-faceted effect of the
“stop the spread” campaign’s effect on the mentally ill.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If I have reservations about the Coalition’s opinion, it is
because I read accident reports that I know are suicides or are most likely
suicides. I also know that statistics in other countries show a different
story. In Japan, <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2020/11/28/asia/japan-suicide-women-covid-dst-intl-hnk/index.html">suicide
has increased by 83% for women and 22% for men in October 2020.</a> Sixty-six
more people have died from suicide than COVID-19 in Japan as of October. Both
COVID-19 and mental illness are deadly. Neither should be downplayed.<o:p></o:p></p>
<h4 style="text-align: left;">Accusing Others of Murder Denies Physical and Mental Reality</h4><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">On Veteran’s Day, the <a href="https://www.deseret.com/utah/2020/11/16/21570294/veteran-dies-covid-19-family-speaks-out-victor-hammond-anti-mask-protesters">Deseret
News ran a story on a WW2 vet who passed away from COVID-19 and old age</a>.
The story delves deeply into how the family claims people are so selfish for
not obeying the pandemic rules. It is <i>only </i>the fault of
“selfish” people that they couldn’t gather at his death bed and that he died.
There was no mention that it is actually the nursing home and hospital policies
restricting access to dying loved ones. And that this is all in place because
of the VIRUS. It is no one’s fault. The family will understandably feel rage,
but it isn’t appropriate for the news to publish that without any
counterbalance in the article or another article. Instead, the stories of those
who are suffering from psychological distress or dying deaths of despair are
lost in the police/criminal section.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When a relative broke down emotionally via telephone last
summer, she accused me and “Utahans” of murdering my parents. I told her no. It
is COVID-19 or nature that kills. It is not me or other Utahans. I soothed her
fears, but I didn’t express my pain to her. At that moment, she couldn’t handle
it. Later I approached her about my pain. She thought it hadn’t affected me
because I didn’t show the personal pain or loneliness. Conversely, she felt
suicidal due to others mocking her for wearing a mask and concern for her
health and our older relatives’ health. We both worried about losing our older
relatives. Yet the pandemic measures also stopped this older couple’s home
health care. In Spring 2020, one almost fell into a diabetic coma and another
had a stroke. Thankfully, another relative lives near the older couple so he
could check on them.<o:p></o:p></p>
<h4 style="text-align: left;">Heavy-handed Lockdown Measures Increase Potential for Riots</h4><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There are additional consequences to the lockdown. I believe
the protests have more easily turned into riots because of the heavy-handed
measures. George Floyd had lost his job due to the government shutdown when he
was being arrested for paying with fake money. If he hadn’t lost his job (and a
bad cop kneeling on him), would he be alive today? Some minorities lost their
“nonessential” jobs. When the racial tension built, the jobless minorities
joined in protests that sometimes turned into deadly riots.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Politicians make more laws to “slow the spread” that the
police have to enforce. When we already have increased tension with police, why
are we increasing the need for police? And why are these measures mostly for
the people and not the politicians? Overall, this is bad for mental health.<o:p></o:p></p>
<h4 style="text-align: left;">My Personal Struggles</h4><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I don’t often share how often and how difficult my struggles
have been through the pandemic. I have tried to kill myself many times from
March 27 to January 14. Each time, my self-harm has escalated. I am lucky
because I have a counselor, medication, a home, a husband with a job. Yet I
still have been on the physical brink of death despite increased help. The
times of self-harm have been affected by pandemic measures such as the closure
of parks, a teacher bullying me about an obsessive level of cleanliness for
several weeks, people on Facebook bullying me for stating others have a
different opinion on masks, lack of social interaction, and the cost for
increased mental illness care for myself and family. Other factors come into
play, but my suicidality has been greater than the eight years previously.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We need to find a better balance to increase <i>everyone’s </i>mental
health, instead of a small minority’s mental health, while taking reasonable
measures to “slow the spread.”<o:p></o:p></p><br /><p></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-23058039511059139712021-02-23T18:59:00.001-07:002021-02-23T18:59:15.607-07:00Three Teambuilding Ideas for Remote Work<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oNF4mbh8j2c/YDWyunBVyDI/AAAAAAAAORw/r-MHbRAurUs4mEi8kwBGQOook4EmZicpgCPcBGAsYHg/s2688/PXL_20210205_220143871.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2688" data-original-width="1512" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oNF4mbh8j2c/YDWyunBVyDI/AAAAAAAAORw/r-MHbRAurUs4mEi8kwBGQOook4EmZicpgCPcBGAsYHg/s320/PXL_20210205_220143871.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My office via Author</td></tr></tbody></table></p><p><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Many work teams are experiencing
additional strain with the switch to remote work. Some have found ways to still
connect during social distancing. Observing my spouse working from home, I have
noted some of their strategies and others my spouse would like to implement at
his job. Here are some of those ideas:</span></p>
<ol start="1" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Start the day with a brief “How are you?” meeting<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the normal office environment,
team members connect more naturally through greetings and asking how others are
while in passing. The social niceties that bond the team together are harder to
achieve in the remote workplace. For this reason, a brief “How are you?”
meeting online will encourage the bonding ritual of greetings. Consequently,
this time will improve team members’ mental health so they perform tasks
better. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">To add variety to these meetings,
team members can play different icebreaker activities such as Never Have I
Ever. Teammates will discover new things about each other that they wouldn’t
normally share at work. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Other game ideas can be found </span><a href="https://snacknation.com/blog/boost-productivity-meetings-icebreakers-games/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">here</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> (some may need to be adjusted for remote work). </span><a href="https://www.letsroam.com/team_building_activities/virtual_team_building/?utm_source=snacknation&utm_medium=blog&utm_term=icebreakers&cjevent=snacknation&utm_campaign=partner" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let’s Roam</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> also has icebreaker games designed for remote workplaces.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2. Socially-distanced lunch<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Set up a socially-distanced lunch at
a park, someone’s yard, or another outdoor venue. The company can pay for the
lunch or team members can bring their own lunch. Each person can sit or stand
six feet apart to observe social distancing recommendations.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I highly recommend it because I have
observed my husband’s team morale improve for the rest of the workday.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3. Play online games together<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Prior to the pandemic, team members
sometimes played games together during breaks. For now, teams can take those
games temporarily online. Some good game websites include </span><a href="https://www.jackboxgames.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Jackbox</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> and </span><a href="https://www.roblox.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Roblox</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">. Roblox is free and has many game
options. For Jackbox, only one person needs to buy it for the whole group to
use it. There are many other games where teams can play online that will fit
any team personality.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, try some of these ideas and see
what works for your team. These can be adjusted as needed. Also, share what
ideas work for your team in the comment section. Or gather ideas from the
comment section.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Happy team building!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What ideas has your team used? What
ideas do you think would work?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-29045145132272120102021-02-23T18:54:00.000-07:002021-02-23T18:54:36.008-07:00Finding Treasures in my Preteen Journal<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iBUgifg3XB8/YDWxc4FdPXI/AAAAAAAAORo/wkjzKZ7FxwMbQonHK_5OmVYV9Bb3sDXrgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1920/journal-1509562373u73.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1277" data-original-width="1920" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iBUgifg3XB8/YDWxc4FdPXI/AAAAAAAAORo/wkjzKZ7FxwMbQonHK_5OmVYV9Bb3sDXrgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/journal-1509562373u73.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Via <a href="https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/pictures/240000/velka/journal-1509562373u73.jpg" target="_blank">Public Domain Pictures</a></td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal"><br />While dictating and typing my journal into a Word
document, I am discovering interesting themes in my preteen life. I see
linguistic features of a preteen, emotional ups and downs, and how my family
showed love toward me.</p><p class="css-73lz9u-node"><o:p></o:p></p>
<h2>Dictation Oddities<o:p></o:p></h2>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">Putting together poems for a potential anthology, I
opened my journals to read the backstory. In the process, I chose to type my
journals since I had to read them anyway. Because I can't keep my journal open
and type at the same time, my husband suggested the dictation feature in Word.
I tried it out and it mostly works.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">I discovered some quirks dictating numbers and punctuation
marks. While recording the date, the software will type numbers randomly in a
number/word combination. Thus, I type the date. I don't see any pattern as to
why it chooses the symbol or word. Number homophones are challenging for the
computer too. For example, "ate" becomes "8" when it isn't
next to a food word. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">For punctuation, the dictation won't change
parenthesis or quotation marks into punctuation, but it recognizes words like
comma, period, and exclamation point. Sometimes period is recorded as the word
and not the mark. MS Word will sometimes leave a space before a period too.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">Names are a nightmare to record if they are not common
or not the common spelling. I have two friends' names that have unique
spellings. Those have to be changed by hand. One name records in two or three
variations, Millera, Llera, etc. My sister's nickname is a homophone, which the
dictation software never gets right. I doubt it ever will because it isn't a
standard name. Sometimes I use the find feature to change multiple names back
to the correct spelling.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">I probably could work out several of these bugs, but I
am too lazy to figure it out. I may or may not do it within the next week,
month, or year.<o:p></o:p></p>
<h2>Linguistically Speaking <o:p></o:p></h2>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">I spelled my way to state level my sixth-grade year,
yet I find many interesting spellings in my journal. My favorite is
"doddled" or "doodled" for "dawdled." I
frequently "doddled." I misspell "i before e" words often,
especially piece and receive. Another word that has always stumped me is
opportunity and Cincinnati. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">Some interesting punctuation features include my
obsession with ALL CAPS, parentheses, brackets, and excessive exclamation
points. I counted 20 exclamation points after one word. Think I got my point
across? I often put ANNOYED in all caps. My writing tended to be parenthetical,
and it is still parenthetical. I noticed dictation mode won't add parentheses,
instead, it spells out the word. So I gave up on adding parentheses (and
brackets) while dictating. I add the parentheses, brackets, and ALL CAPS while
revising.<o:p></o:p></p>
<h2>ANNOYED<o:p></o:p></h2>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">I record being annoyed almost every day in my journal.
I mentioned this and the general negativity in my journal on a social media
post. My friends mentioned how they often only record negative events to
process them, which makes sense. One friend said it described her preteen
daughter. Consequently, <a href="https://davis-eileen3.medium.com/manic-monday-musings-1-a965ef4b517">annoyed
would describe my teenage son too</a>.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">According to my preteen self, everyone was annoying,
especially middle school boys, my cousin who lived with us, my siblings, and my
parents. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">The boys qualified for a special category of annoying,
which is laughable now. Being from a <a href="https://davis-eileen3.medium.com/death-in-a-small-town-7ab682106ff4">small
town</a>, most of the boys were in my Sunday School class, my German class, and
other school classes. Some called me a robot or coppertop. One or two hit me.
One boy swore at me when I asked him to dance. But then there was one boy who was
the knight in shining armor that I mention over and over again. Generally, the
knight in shining armor changed every year. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">Most of these annoying boys changed attitudes in high
school. <a href="https://musingsofcrazyredhead.blogspot.com/2014/05/hating-opposite-sex.html">They
went from being mean to very nice</a>. We girls suddenly changed to potential
dates and girlfriends. Currently, I am friends on social media with most of
these "boys," their wives, or their parents.<o:p></o:p></p>
<h2>The Mundane<o:p></o:p></h2>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">In my journal, I listed every step I took during the
day. I thought it was a terrible idea to list every step in my day when I grew
older, but it's interesting to read details that I would have otherwise
forgotten. At the beginning of the journal, I wrote details in long sentences.
After a few months, I shortened it to one or two words for the beginning and
end of my day, e.g. "woke up, thought, ate, scriptures, showered, groomed,
went to school" and "read, this, bed, bye!"<o:p></o:p></p>
<h2>Mood Swings<o:p></o:p></h2>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">I recognize patterns in my undiagnosed bipolar from my
journal. I am a <a href="https://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/rapid-cycling-bipolar-disorder">rapid
cycler</a>, which I see in my descriptions of feeling mad, sad, annoyed, and
happy in quick succession. In one entry, I mentioned how I was having one of my
"BIG" emotions. Now I call those<a href="https://musingsofcrazyredhead.blogspot.com/2017/03/i-compare-myself-to-normal.html">
emotional moments</a> my "bipolar moments." I displayed these
emotions toward my family and friends of disliking them one moment and loving
them the next. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">For example, I enjoyed visiting with my sister one day
of Christmas Break, but I yelled at her the next day. She had accidentally
broken my CD cover while sitting on my bed. She probably came to see how I was
after I had a trying day. My cousin had thrown food at me in the morning and
schoolboys had thrown my school stuff across the hall. Yet I recorded how
"RUDE" she was along with those "horrid boys."<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">I wrote poems to deal with my mood swings. Many times
I wrote of loneliness, yet I had friends and family support me. I isolated
myself without realizing it. I wonder if it was my bipolar, hormones, or
undeveloped brain that blinded me from recognizing the love others showed me
despite the meanness or indifference of others.<o:p></o:p></p>
<h2>My Love of Amy Grant Music Interrupted by Limbaugh<o:p></o:p></h2>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">I listed every time I listened to a different music
artist multiple times in a day. Amy Grant and 80s ballads made the top lists.
The conundrum was having access to the CD player. Before my sister moved away
to college, we had her stereo system. Then there was only my parent's CD player
in their room. So one day when I stayed home sick, I complained that I had to
relinquish the stereo to my dad during his lunch hour.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">My dad had turned my Amy Grant music off to listen to
Rush Limbaugh. I had occasionally listened to AM radio with my parents, but I
wanted my music at that moment. For some reason, my dad thought he should have
control over his possessions. And my parents often set the car radio to Rush
Limbaugh, Dr. Laura, or other AM radio talk shows. These shows tortured me to
the point of head pain because Limbaugh and others talked so loudly (or my dad
turned the volume too high). Ironically, I dictated this journal entry about a
week before <a href="https://www.foxnews.com/media/rush-limbaugh-dead-talk-radio-conservative-icon">Rush
Limbaugh died</a>. I am sad to see such a notoriously loved (and hated) man
pass away--especially from cancer. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">When my family traveled to the nearest Walmart 90
miles away, I begged my mom for a CD player. I wrote:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">I fought (words) my mom over me getting a present. I
need a bike and want a CD player. My mom said to find something under $50 for a
present. I looked through the CD players. I had my mom come and see what I
wanted. (A CD player for $78.96 [about]). My mom said to get a tape player. I
said “NO!” I said to let me go back to the car so they could buy me a present.
I went out when my mom was buying everyone else presents. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">I rode home mad. Listened to Amy Grant Heart in Motion
[on a Walkman].<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">Well, I didn't get a CD player for Christmas, so I
resorted to recording CDs to tape. I never mentioned what my Christmas presents
were, but I didn't seem disappointed according to my journal.<o:p></o:p></p>
<h2>Feeling the Love<o:p></o:p></h2>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">In the subtext, I recognize how much my family and
friends truly loved me. My sister recognized I had a bad day and came to talk,
but I became angry when she broke my CD case. My brother gave me two Amy Grant
CDs without me ever asking him. My mom and dad gave me rides home from school
almost every day. My mom brought me dinner during play practice. And the list
goes on. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">I record how often I looked forward to spending time
with my friends at school. We laughed during class and play practices. I talked
with "Millera" and my other friends at school, play practice, and
tryouts. I looked up to a girl the grade above me because she brought so much
fun to play practice. Overall, I remember the giggles more than the loneliness.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node">Many times when I felt lonely or sad, I recorded how I
prayed for comfort. In those moments, I felt God's love envelop me. Even though
others may have hurt me or I didn't recognize others' love, God ensured I could
feel his love.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node"><em>What do you remember from middle school? Do you
recognize how others loved you despite not recognizing their love then?</em><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="css-73lz9u-node"><em>This post is on Medium and my personal blog.</em><o:p></o:p></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-35323285650994213932021-02-19T10:39:00.000-07:002021-02-19T10:39:19.866-07:00Native American Astrology Only Feels Loosely Connected with Indigenous Cultures<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YRouXrhymxE/YC60bb4MrFI/AAAAAAAAOOk/pH37wECOl4sMfa4rPT4Aiw42DAFjj9pbACPcBGAsYHg/s2688/PXL_20210203_161333796.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="2688" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YRouXrhymxE/YC60bb4MrFI/AAAAAAAAOOk/pH37wECOl4sMfa4rPT4Aiw42DAFjj9pbACPcBGAsYHg/w400-h225/PXL_20210203_161333796.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Author</td></tr></tbody></table><p><br />I am writing an introductory article for some astrological relationship website being tested for popularity. Before this, I had little interest or knowledge in astrology. Apparently, I am a woodpecker and a Cancer. I am crabby like a crab (cancer). I am nurturing and supportive in my opinion like both signs. But I am also impulsive, unlike my zodiac. Of course, it isn't one size fits all.</p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6654" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6655" data-slate-object="text">I know some Native American culture since I lived next to the Navajo Nation and two small Ute reservations. Some of my classmates were Utes and Navajos. In school, I learned some of their traditions and mythology. With my minimal knowledge, Native American zodiac animals only feel loosely connected to genuine indigenous cultures. It feels somewhat sacrilegious.</span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6656" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6657" data-slate-object="text">Native Americans are probably split on the idea. Some may agree because it has roots in ancient tradition, or some may disagree because it treats their religion lightly. I asked on Facebook what people thought and no one responded (maybe because it was late at night). I have no definitive yes or no on a Native American's opinion.</span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6658" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6659" data-slate-object="text">In the </span><a class="css-13t6bg-Node" data-key="6660" data-slate-object="inline" href="https://www.astro.com/astrowiki/en/Cultural_Appropriation#cite_ref-1"><span data-key="6661" data-slate-object="text">AstroWiki</span></a><span data-key="6662" data-slate-object="text">, I found this quote by psychological anthropologist Helene Hagan: </span></p><blockquote class="css-1ttl4gv-Node" data-key="6663" data-slate-object="block"><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6664" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6665" data-slate-object="text">"... to pretend that their practices can be taken over by non-Indians harmlessly are indications of non understanding and arrogance. To fabricate new ceremonies out of bits and pieces of various Indian rituals, out of the full ritual context in which they are embedded, is to create psychic monstrosities. This, the fake medicine people are unaware of. Rituals have a context. They are a part of an entire fabric of a given society, and one ritual is only a part of a whole. The balance is in the whole, not in the parts. And the whole is still the full practice within Indian circles, founded on ancient Indian traditions, for Indian people. Others can pretend to achieve identical results with only outward paraphernalia and a patchwork of gleaned information as to the steps of certain rites, but they do not have the key to the whole meaning, the whole context, and how the parts complement and fit each other. They are crippling other human beings by subjecting them to only bits or parts of a whole system, without having the keys to the entire mental system. This is truly what is at stake and why Indians are concerned."
</span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6666" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6667" data-slate-object="text">
</span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6668" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6669" data-slate-object="text">"Indian medicine men and women train from childhood. They are not allowed to practice until they have undergone a long experience of the powerful spirits or psychic forces they will encounter first in themselves, long before they are singled out for specific healing tasks by others. They do not appoint themselves. Rarely does a medicine man or woman come to practice before maturity, for these very reasons. There is not a hint of this wisdom in any of the so-called teachings passed around in the "circles" forming around plastic medicine people."</span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6670" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6671" data-slate-object="text">- INSTITUTE OF ARCHETYPAL ETHNOLOGY newsletter September l992 by the Sonoma County Free Press.</span></p></blockquote><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6672" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6673" data-slate-object="text">Apparently, Sun Bear, an Obijwa native, and Wabun Wind, a Caucasian, wrote a book called </span><span data-key="6674" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="6674:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">Medicine Wheel</em></span></span><span data-key="6675" data-slate-object="text"> that much of the current spirit animals are based on. The animals are all North American species and vary widely. Some animals have morphed into other animals, like the Sturgeon to the Salmon. Many have changed from specific names to generic names such as Snow Goose to Goose and Brown Bear to Bear.</span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6676" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6677" data-slate-object="text">The zodiacs all match the same birth dates as the Western zodiacs. I believe Sun Bear and Wabun Wind meant for many of the characteristics to overlap to appeal to a wider audience. </span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6678" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6679" data-slate-object="text">The New Age zodiacs have commercialized sacred Native American symbols, in my opinion. Many websites claim that these spirit animals have a deep history in Native American culture. The animals do, but I doubt many of the stones, colors, traits, and elements are actually connected to Native American cultures. From website to website, the stones, colors, traits, and elements differ slightly or differ widely. To me, that's evidence that this is only tangentially related to Native American culture.</span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6680" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6681" data-slate-object="text">Seeing the similarities of traits and elements with Western zodiacs, it feels made up. I don't feel like the similarities are evidence that they existed separately and joined, but that the Western zodiac was superimposed upon Native American culture.</span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6682" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6683" data-slate-object="text">It may seem hypocritical since I am writing this article anyway. I am trying to be as honest as possible that Native American culture is only a loose base for the animal zodiacs. But I am not injecting my opinion, just being informational in the article. I may be hired to write more articles on similar subjects. Maybe just Western astrology. I will most likely spew nonsense but try to insert truth where possible. (You can probably tell that I don't believe in astrology.)</span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6684" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6685" data-slate-object="text">On the other hand, some people may feel like they are honoring Native American culture when consulting their zodiac animals. After all, it has some basis in Native American cultures. Honestly, I don't see much truth in astrology--just conjecture.</span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6686" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6687" data-slate-object="text">Truth lies elsewhere. Truth lies not in our interpretation of the stars and animals, but in the One who created nature. We discover more of the unique aspects of the stars and animals every day. Truth is how nature exists in the past, present, and future. </span></p><p class="css-73lz9u-Node" data-key="6688" 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%20After%20all%2C%20it%20has%20some%20basis%20in%20Native%20American%20cultures.%20Honestly%2C%20I%20don't%20see%20much%20truth%20in%20astrology--just%20conjecture.%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22Truth%20lies%20elsewhere.%20Truth%20lies%20not%20in%20our%20interpretation%20of%20the%20stars%20and%20animals%2C%20but%20in%20the%20One%20who%20created%20nature.%20We%20discover%20more%20of%20the%20unique%20aspects%20of%20the%20stars%20and%20animals%20every%20day.%20Truth%20is%20how%20nature%20exists%20in%20the%20past%2C%20present%2C%20and%20future.%20%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%5D%7D%5D%7D%2C%7B%22object%22%3A%22block%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22paragraph%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22nodes%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22text%22%2C%22text%22%3A%22So%20what%20are%20your%20thoughts%3F%20Do%20you%20think%20this%20is%20cultural%20appropriation%3F%22%2C%22marks%22%3A%5B%7B%22object%22%3A%22mark%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22italic%22%2C%22data%22%3A%7B%7D%7D%5D%7D%5D%7D%5D%7D" data-slate-object="block"><span data-key="6689" data-slate-object="text"><span data-offset-key="6689:0" data-slate-leaf="true"><em data-slate-object="mark">So what are your thoughts? Do you think this is cultural appropriation?</em></span></span></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-58013373436709646022021-01-19T15:05:00.000-07:002021-01-19T15:05:00.982-07:00Don't Fear Man, Trust God<p><i>We are afraid of the COVID-19 pandemic affecting us or our
loved ones at this time.</i> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v8HLnJ1HPic/VIOgwXu-wrI/AAAAAAAAAMU/JN4NcZ7gHEQX4eVNKRjXJulkROGkhPL3ACPcBGAYYCw/s457/christus-lds-454706-gallery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="447" data-original-width="457" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v8HLnJ1HPic/VIOgwXu-wrI/AAAAAAAAAMU/JN4NcZ7gHEQX4eVNKRjXJulkROGkhPL3ACPcBGAYYCw/s320/christus-lds-454706-gallery.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>The newspapers report daily counts of COVID-19 deaths.
It increases our anxiety. We also cannot connect in person with more than those
that we live with currently. We maintain six feet separation from others. As
our fear increases, we need ways to combat that fear.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Personally, I have found that counseling, writing, and
religious observance has eased my fears. I believe that my faith in God has
helped me the most through this time. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us
and are aware of our pain.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My greatest fear, and any parent’s fear, is losing a child.
I almost lost my son a year ago when he accidentally strangled himself with a
jump rope. He was unresponsive and blue. My husband revived him, but then we
feared what bodily or brain damage he would have. My son fully recovered with
no damage except some ligature marks on his neck. I don’t believe they are even
visible now.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My fears continued as I struggled to let my sons play
outside. My husband and I had frequent night terrors of my son’s lifeless body.
Through counseling, prayer, and priesthood blessings, my fear has greatly
lessened. I still have some night terrors. I can handle letting my sons play in
the backyard. I remind myself that they most likely won’t die. My son’s
accident was a random accident.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As many parents feel, I feared what others would think of me
if I were a careless parent, or worse. I had seen people rip into the <a href="https://www.sltrib.com/news/2019/03/04/dog-bites-off-utah-boys/" target="_blank">Utah family of the boy who lost his arm to the neighbor dogs</a> only
weeks before. <a href="https://www.foxnews.com/us/petition-seeks-to-save-dogs-lives-after-utah-boy-loses-hand" target="_blank">Animal activists cared more for the dogs than the boy’s fate or
the family’s well-being</a>. Would others attack me like they had that family?
Would I have my children taken away?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I reminded myself that it matters more what God thinks of me
more than other people. People are flawed; our Heavenly Parents and Jesus
Christ are perfect.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Only God’s opinion matters. And only He heals.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In high school, I read<a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/122?lang=eng" target="_blank"> Doctrine and Covenants 122:9 </a>where God
comforts <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/history/topics/liberty-jail?lang=eng" target="_blank">Joseph Smith while he is incarcerated in Liberty Jail</a>:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>“Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall
remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are
known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, </i><b>fear
not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever</b><i>.”<o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I wrote a poem because of how strongly the verse spoke to
me. I remembered <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corrie_ten_Boom" target="_blank">Corrie ten Boom who had survived Ravensbruck concentration camp
during World War 2</a> as I wrote the poem. I repeat these lines when I
need to calm my fears:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Do not fear what man can do<br />
For I am with you.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am your Guard<br />
When the times get hard.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am your Hiding Place<br />
When you can’t face.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am your Rock<br />
To whom you can knock.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am your Friend<br />
Beyond this life’s end.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am the One who died<br />
So death could be defied.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am the One:<br />
Only Begotten Son.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>What fears do you currently face? Do you have a way to
cope with them?</i><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I employed the different metaphors and quotes of Jesus
Christ while writing this poem. Here is a list of verses that match:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“fear not…” <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/122?lang=eng" target="_blank">Doctrine and Covenants 122:9</a>; <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+27%3A1&version=KJV" target="_blank">Psalm 27:1</a><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Guard or shield- <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+3%3A3&version=KJV" target="_blank">Psalm 3:3</a><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hiding Place or hid in Christ- <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+27%3A5&version=KJV" target="_blank">Psalm 27:5</a>; <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Colossians+3%3A3&version=KJV" target="_blank">Colossians 3:3</a>; <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/86?lang=eng" target="_blank">D&C 86:9</a><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rock- <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/hel/5?lang=eng" target="_blank">Helaman 5:12</a> (Book of Mormon); <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+7%3A24-27&version=KJV" target="_blank">Matthew 7:24</a><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Only Begotten- <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+3%3A16&version=KJV" target="_blank">John 3:16</a><o:p></o:p></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-15851512862313744752020-12-22T22:36:00.000-07:002020-12-22T22:36:08.286-07:00Three Ways to Brighten this Holiday Season<p><span style="font-size: large;">It’s been a tough year and we can create more light this
holiday season.</span></p><p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Kph2W3MqoI4/X-LWXCMyVnI/AAAAAAAANSg/Kg-Kt7Zh48c9jbVlNqlX6KNCBYondQtZACLcBGAsYHQ/s1920/christmas-christmas-tree-1542457707Sqe%2B%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1920" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Kph2W3MqoI4/X-LWXCMyVnI/AAAAAAAANSg/Kg-Kt7Zh48c9jbVlNqlX6KNCBYondQtZACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/christmas-christmas-tree-1542457707Sqe%2B%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Via <a href="https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/view-image.php?image=275578&picture=christmas-christmas-tree" target="_blank">Public Domain Pictures</a></td></tr></tbody></table></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Some have dubbed the<a href="https://www.nasa.gov/feature/the-great-conjunction-of-jupiter-and-saturn" target="_blank"> conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn</a> in the night sky as the
“<a href="https://www.space.com/great-conjunction-jupiter-saturn-2020-fun-facts" target="_blank">Christmas star</a>” this holiday season. During this year, we
have sought meaning from celestial events just as the ancients did. We want the
heavens to provide answers for us today. As we seek answers from the heavens,
we can also seek answers within to brighten this holiday season. We just need
to be more creative this year. <o:p></o:p></p>
<h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>1. Use Technology to Gather</b></h4>
<p class="MsoNormal">Luckily, we have better technology than what Skype used to
be at the height of <i>Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? </i>popularity. The
options include Zoom, FaceTime, Google Duo, Skype, and so many others. Each
option has strengths and weaknesses. Personally, my family and I use Zoom to
gather virtually each Sunday.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Video chat software has been such a blessing during this
time, so we can still gather in some form. I especially love being able to see
and hear my siblings, nieces, and nephews who live thousands of miles away. I can
also safely gather with my parents who live locally when any of us feel ill.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The distance can feel smaller as we engage the two senses of
sight and hearing to gather. At Thanksgiving, my high school girlfriends and I
chatted like it was yesterday. We visually and aurally shared laughs and tears
over our triumphs and struggles.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So this holiday season, use video chat for the first or the
hundredth time to gather virtually. Try out the different options.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>How have you gathered using technology? </i></p>
<h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>2. Go Old School: Use Snail Mail</b></h4>
<p class="MsoNormal">A handwritten note feels special and it stands out from all
the junk mail. We eagerly anticipate its content as we can peruse it over and
over. This is also a physical object that we can keep for years to come.
Besides, other communications disappear into the cloud. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Before my grandma died in September, I sent her letters
because she couldn’t answer her telephone anymore. I don’t know if she read my
letters, but I know I tried. Since my grandma had sent me cards and letters for
almost four decades, she deserved a few notes near the end of her life.
Thankfully, I still have some of my letters from my grandma and other friends
and relatives.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So write and send a letter. It may be late in the season for
mail to arrive on time, but it will still mean much to the recipient.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Do you enjoy sending or receiving physical letters?</i></p>
<h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>3. Give of Your Time and Talents</b></h4>
<p class="MsoNormal">Many of us are under financial strain during this time so we
can’t afford the usual store-bought gifts. But we generally have time or
talents that we can share at little or no cost. For example, my mother-in-law
recorded herself reading children’s books so she could share literature with
her grandchildren. She borrowed library books for free and used her phone that
she already pays for to create a video. Without spending much, my sons enjoyed
seeing and hearing Grandma and Grandpa tell funny stories.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">With household members, we can spend physical time together
playing board games, putting together puzzles, or cooking together. And if we
are particularly tired, we can watch a movie.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To give time to those farther away, we can call or instant
message them. Some have found creative ways to still spend time together long
distance. For example, my nieces and nephews play board games through video
chat with friends. Each player sets up their own board and moves their pieces
and their opponents’ pieces throughout gameplay.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">During this time, many have found ways to virtually share
their talents. Several of my musical friends post their videos playing music or
singing on social media. In my amateur singing voice, I recorded myself singing
<i>Edelweiss </i>in German to share with my dad who served in Germany for two
years.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>How will you spend time together (or apart) this season?
Have you shared any talents as presents before?</i></p>
<h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>Shine Light in the Darkness</b></h4>
<p class="MsoNormal">As celestial lights guide us during the night, we need each
other’s light to guide one another through the proverbial night this year. We
can try these three ideas and many others. Really, the stars are the limit.<o:p></o:p></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681775888648229394.post-55202083030064983792020-12-20T17:53:00.002-07:002020-12-20T17:53:47.251-07:00Christmas Blahs: My Tired Brain Is Racing a Mile a Minute<p> <span style="font-size: medium;">An incident reminded me of a hurtful time that sent my
thoughts racing.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LgJDe5z0zuE/X9_xdlq9w1I/AAAAAAAANR0/DYo3hFbjkIQNLe4NMdFaEwIpm3MVyGwoQCPcBGAsYHg/s3840/PXL_20201113_213509295.MP.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3840" data-original-width="2160" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LgJDe5z0zuE/X9_xdlq9w1I/AAAAAAAANR0/DYo3hFbjkIQNLe4NMdFaEwIpm3MVyGwoQCPcBGAsYHg/w180-h320/PXL_20201113_213509295.MP.jpg" title="Tired Author" width="180" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tired Me</td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal">Christmastime can be a difficult time for me as my body is
overproducing melatonin. I feel tired yet I have difficulty sleeping. Last
Christmas I felt suicidal two days before my GRE exam. I spiraled when
babysitting plans fell through last minute and my husband hesitated on
canceling his plans to watch the children. Then I took the GRE and had a bout
of diarrhea midway through the exam. I thought it was really bad gas, but no, I
discovered it was diarrhea the hard way. Oh, that was an uncomfortable two
hours finishing the exam.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This Christmas season feels easier than last year because I
am not applying to graduate school. Luckily, I didn’t get accepted for Fall
2020 because I would have really hated attending college during this pandemic.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Naturally, I had to tell you about last year’s Christmastime
because my mind has been running forward and backward in time. Now I can get to
the matter at hand.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yesterday, I talked with someone who mentioned knowing
someone that had hurt me several years ago. This old someone had refused to
communicate with me when we had several commitments to fulfill together. It
snowballed. I wrote through my feelings several years ago in my journal, so
I <i>thought</i> my feelings had been resolved. I explored my
emotions last night to understand why what happened still bothered me. I
realize I wanted a connection with this other person, but it became impossible
when she refused to communicate with me. Our communications have remained
shallow ever since. And that is how it will stay because of her choice.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One incident involved shaming a child over what I viewed as
inconsequential. My mind spun on this incident because I have had people shame
my children and other children for something all children do (and many adults
do in private — like picking plaque off teeth). This action is viewed as
“gross” and unclean. In our current climate of this pandemic, some may view
this action as possibly “killing” someone because a person may spread germs.
(Hey, I thought germs just do what germs are genetically coded to do: multiply
and spread in human hosts.) <a href="https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2020/12/we-now-know-how-much-children-spread-coronavirus/">Yet
children doing this “dirty” deed attend school daily and don’t spread Covid-19
nearly as much as adults do</a>.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, my mind thought of all the ways we shame each other over
normal bodily functions. Many examples flitted through my mind while I lay in
bed for hours. Eventually, I fell asleep and woke too soon. I tried resting
twice through today, but my mind keeps racing.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I read through old journal entries to understand myself
better so I can improve. I recognized that I had a lot of pain because of some
adults and some children shaming me for years. I don’t want other children to
feel that same shame I felt. That’s why I approached this person years ago
about her shaming methods. However, she passed it off as a difference of
opinion. Sure, we can have a difference of opinion, but the true problem is
forcing that opinion on other children and other adults. It is fine to teach
children sanitary habits, but it isn’t fine to guilt-trip them to stop an
action.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Tomorrow I have a counseling appointment so maybe I can talk
through some of these negative feelings instead of writing about them to you
dear reader. But I am sure you needed this information in your life. It is unbelievably
valuable information to know:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Don’t try to figure out mutual acquaintances with others.
That’s what Facebook stalking is for.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>So, reader, have you ever regretted discovering a mutual
acquaintance? Do your thoughts race often? Finally, how is your Christmas
season going?</i><o:p></o:p></p>Eileen Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10202962410053325923noreply@blogger.com0