Back to School

Last year I studied for the GRE and applied to two linguistics masters programs. I was disappointed when I wasn't accepted by either of the universities. Having a toddler still at home this year, the timing for graduate school would have been poor anyway.

To better my chances of being accepted, I need a higher GRE essay score and better focused letter of intent. I know having some prerequisites of two foreign languages would help my chances too.

I started Chinese 1010 and Intro to Computer Science at a local university in August to work toward some of those goals. However, I was so ill the first week, stuck in traffic for an hour four nights a week, and never saw my husband and boys. The next Monday, my head spun as I drove to class. I turned around on the next freeway exit: It was time to quit.

There had to be another solution.

My sister and others had talked about BYU Pathways and BYU-Idaho online. In mid-September, I looked into it. It was HALF the cost of the local university. Fewer classes are available, but I could still take some of the classes I needed.

Now I am in my third week of BYU-Idaho online courses. I am ready to pull my hair out some moments juggling four boys, chores, and homework, but I really want to reach my goal of a linguistics professor. I am taking Spanish 302, Introduction to TESOL, and Introduction to Programming. These classes progress toward a TESOL certificate and computer programming certificate.

This will help me create a language exchange online program for children and adults. This program would include little games for native speakers and nonnative speakers to play together based around a language concept. I would like to use it for a Master's project and thesis. I'd like to compare peer-to-peer second language acquisition versus the regular classroom versus both combined. What is the most effective manner of second language acquisition?

I am debating if I will reapply this year or next year to the local linguistics programs. (Unfortunately, there are no online linguistic programs.) It is really about timing with my children.

All just one step at a time.

I Can't Type

It has been ten days since I wrote this and my brain was dead writing it. And my brain is still tired now that it is 9 pm writing.

I sliced off the tip of my my left index finger last Friday while chopping spinach. I was in shock not knowing how much of my finger was missing. My finger bled profusely into the sink. I called my oldest over. I asked him to call my husband. He took me to the urgent care. I wanted to swear at the doctor as the doctor cauterized the wound with silver nitrate.

Now I can't type worth beans. It's a major handicap.

It has limited me quite a bit. I am not even sure I want to try to change the typos because of the effort it will take. It is taking 3 times the effort to type than usual. I have a huge wad of gauze and Coban on the end of my finger.

I never realized how useful my finger was until I couldn't use it. It is really annoying in the shower. So really, I should be counting my blessings. Haha!

This happened at the same time that my son has been in a cast after a club foot surgery and needed carrying everywhere. Really poor timing.

It has had a few benefits. I tell my husband he can change all the poopy diapers. I need to keep the  bandage and wound clean.

Jesus Suffered for the Victim and Abuser

"New Growth" among the ashes
Via Public Domain Pictures

This subject is sensitive and this is my opinion. Readers are welcome to take what helps them and ignore what doesn't.

As I grew up, I knew that Jesus suffered for the sins of the every person. I learned that he suffered for every pain and sickness and other infirmities (Alma 7:11-13). The Atonement covers all human suffering. Jesus felt all that pain in the Garden of Gethsemane and again on the cross. Through his pain we become new creatures (2 Corinthians 5:17).

I knew that I was a person who sinned who needed to be forgiven. I also knew that at times people hurt me, and I needed that hurt taken away. I was not perfect and no one else was perfect.

In our world, Satan lies to people that no one is worthy of redemption. He discourages individuals from praying: that we are unworthy to pray, or that we have sinned too much to repent (See 2 Ne. 32: 8).

Victims sometimes are mistreated in the process of seeking healing. (Here are healthy ways to help.) They run into people blaming them instead of the abuser for the abusive act. The abuse is not their fault. This victim-blaming is not good. Sometimes it is intentional; sometimes, it is unintentional. This complicates the wounds of the victim. They feel that they are unworthy.

Jesus understands a victim's pain and shame. He can empathize in that dark hole.

Victims understandably feel anger because of some of the shaming they have felt. Their anger is a part of the natural process of grieving. However, it is not okay to hurt others, hurt oneself, or hurt things when a victim is angry. Satan can sometimes twist the step of anger into contention. Satan can lead victims to lash out against those who make mistakes trying to heal them and those who propose healing or forgiveness. Victims can choose how, when, or if to forgive.

Some in our culture have put victimhood on a pedestal and made redemption and forgiveness a horrible act. Now it is guilty before proven innocent with little or no due process. We just need moderation and truth. Ironically, the pendulum swung the other way during the late 90s when forgiveness without boundaries was preached.

The word 'abuse' has been so hackneyed and thrown out for every offense in the world. Abuse has almost lost it's meaning or has become such a shock word that people almost always overreact. I used to overreact at 'abuse.' I had to redefine this word without the shock value after two people shamed me over child abuse.

I have had moments of suicidal thoughts that I have expressed aloud. My son heard me a few years ago. It is abuse in front of children. However, I need help, not shaming by society to overcome such a problem. My son and I both received counseling. I have seen others in society shame the mentally ill for abuse of their children over this. This is a call for help, not an opportunity to shove someone when they are down.

Being a victim of intimidation by a child predator, I felt powerless for a time. But I had to act. I informed police and religious leaders of instances of stalking. I would not take the intimidation lying down. I love this abuser, so I knew he needed to be held accountable for his actions. This is how he will hopefully change his heart and he may repent one day. Very little has happened, but that's how life is. I don't believe anything will happen, but because key people are aware of the situation, he is limited in how many children he can hurt. I hope and I pray he repents. I know that Jesus Christ suffered for his sins. I know that Jesus Christ suffered the pain of every one of his victims. They can find healing in the Savior. The morass can only be made fair through the Atonement. Redemption is for the sinner and the saint.