My Pioneer Bragging Rights

"This Is the Place Monument-Close-up" by Hugh Millword

The word pioneer comes from the word for foot. It's related to peons. So the Mormon primary song is correct when it says five times "walked and walked..." but you need to add foot to it.

Utah, and mostly Mormons around the world, celebrate Pioneer Day on July 24 (and it's after that date now). That is the day Mormon pioneers entered the Salt Lake Valley. Now we celebrate our pioneer history in multiple ways and brag about our ancestors.

The Spiritual, Physical Deprivation Reenactment

Youth groups in the Intermountain West and beyond reenact versions of the pioneers' trek across the plains in order to appreciate their ancestors. Some do traditional wagon train reenactments, but the most popular is the handcart treks--mostly experiencing the journey of the Willy & Martin Handcart Companies.

My ward's youth recently followed in the pioneers' footsteps through the Wyoming trail. Leaders told everyone they should drink lots of water before going, so they wouldn't become dehydrated. We suffer the sun, mild dehydration, mild hunger, and forego modern conveniences to have an almost authentic experience. We strive to have the spiritual experience of our ancestors spiritual and physical suffering. We forget we struggle today through apathy and immoral influences omnipresent in our world.

Willy & Martin Handcart Trek

Mormon Handcart Visitor's Center Exhibit

For a youth conference during my adolescence, my ward group did a handcart trek with very modern handcarts (with bicycle wheels). Occasionally, we had to replace a tire. Other groups are closer to official handcart trek sites that have it entirely outfitted. The Willy & Martin Handcart Companies are the most famous--because they suffered the most (other treks had few deaths). The movie 17 Miracles shows snippets of this company. Jens Nielson was the ancestor of fame in my hometown, but let it be known--I am a descendant too of that handcart company! The Mellor miracle of the pie on the trail is my paternal great-great-great-something grandmother Mary Ann Payne Mellor. Her husband, James Mellor, began the Mellor male mischief. My brothers, father, uncles, and cousins continue this tradition. 

Hole-in-the-Rock Saints

"Hole-in-the-Rock" Wikipedia

I grew up in Southeastern Utah among the descendants of the Hole-in-the-Rock Saints and Native Americans. I heard much about Jens Nielson who was in the Willy & Martin Handcart Companies and traveled to the San Juan Mission. The Saints struggled through the red cliffs and across the Colorado River Canyon (now Lake Powell) to arrive in present-day Bluff. They had to finagle a way to descend through a very small passageway down to the river. The ascent on the other side was even worse. The journey took six months versus the projected six weeks.

On San Juan Hill, their animals bled on the red rocks. You can still see the blood today on the trail. They later moved to Blanding, Utah (my hometown). As a church youth group, I visited the Hole-in-the-Rock site along Lake Powell and San Juan Hill.

The Mormons believe some of the Native Americans are the ancestors of Lehi in The Book of Mormon. Stan Bronson, who played Jesus Christ in Church videos, talked with the youth about the spiritual experiences of the Native Americans in San Juan County. Some Navajos and Utes in this area joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the "San Juan Mission" and their ancestors live on today. There remains mixed feelings about the situation.

Old Mexico Saints

Early LDS polygamous families fled to Mexico to avoid being prosecuted. When the government finally pardoned them, they returned to the United States. Mitt Romney is a famous descendant of these saints. Several of these families came to Blanding, Utah. My sister married into the Old Mexico Saint line.

Modern-Day Pioneers

My cousin drew this picture of our grandparents.

We have many pioneers who have come to Utah or joined the Mormons worldwide after the 1800s. These individuals have sacrificed their coffee, tea, tobacco, alcohol, questionable entertainment, fashionable clothing to join the Mormons. My maternal grandmother and grandfather joined the Church in the 1940s. My great grandmother joined in the '30s. My father-in-law joined in his twenties. The rest of my ancestors are from Mormon pioneers. 

Pioneer Ancestor Bragging Rights

In some ways, we all like to claim famous ancestors--like the famous pioneer or Mormon ancestor. Who brags they are related to Brigham Young, Hyrum Smith, and other early Mormon saints? Or just admits it reluctantly they are related. Who's related to Mitt Romney? My friend is a fourth-cousin or something.

Now I'm going to brag about my ancestors! I descend from Bishop Jonathan Herriman Hale of Nauvoo, James and Mary Ann Mellor, Pilgrim ancestors, and some king. Ask my mom, she knows. I just called her to confirm a few details, but I know I've got some wrong.

Who are you descended from?

Swivel, Swivel, Toil and Swivel Bike Ride

"Girl on Bike" by Bobby Mikul

Yesterday, my family and I ventured for a bike ride. It was a perfect time because the clouds blocked the sun and it was below 100 degrees Fahrenheit after weeks of scorchers and no rain. I'm in front with a bike trailer of toddlers connected to my bike. My oldest weaved in front, the side, and behind me. My husband followed behind to keep stragglers from straggling.

About a half mile into the ride, my handlebar jerks to the right side. Soon it swivels upside down and the gear shifts lower. I try to fix it while riding, but it gets worse. My oldest had zoomed a half block ahead and I called for him to stop. We all stopped and I put the handlebar to rights. I start again and it swivels faster. The gears shift even lower and I can't change it while hauling an extra 75 lbs of toddlers. My husband says not to put any weight on the handlebars--yeah right!

I stop a block later and my husband takes my bike. He manages okay with it while I'm trying to hoist myself on his bike. The seat is probably seven inches higher (our height difference). I just about fall trying to peddle forward. I moved forward some, but my pants kept getting caught in the chain. I cursed the bike after the second or third time my pants caught. I didn't know how to shift the gears either, so it was stuck on a low gear. Then the bike stopped moving forward. I hopped off to find the chain no longer on the cogs. I wanted to curse the bike again.

I walked the bike while my family was far ahead of me. I noticed new holes in my nicer blank pants. I don't need clothes anyway. My husband stopped at the corner and looked back at me walking the bike. He turned around and headed for me.

We debated about how to get the rest of the way home. I said let's walk home instead of him trying to put the chain back on. I just wanted to be home, but he refused and took several tense minutes putting the chain back on. It had twisted into the other gears, unlike the normal chain derailing. Curse that bike! Curse all our bikes! Curse my new bike! I complained it was a piece of junk (Walmart's cheapest). I switched to riding my bike.

We started again and my oldest wove in and out of my way. I yelled at him to get away because I had little control on the bike. My husband told me to calm down. Grrr! I stopped and walked the bike only blocks from home. Then my husband and I switched bikes. I coasted on his bike home, trying not to get my pants stuck.

My oldest and husband raced home. My husband was running with the bike and trailer. We made it home and I felt better but oh so annoyed! I found the hex key and my husband tightened the handlebar.

I asked my oldest if he had fun on the bike ride. He said, "Yes." Really? Glad he enjoyed it. I enjoyed a third of the time. I just feel like long bike rides are cursed for me. As some of you may know, I lost my glasses on my last long bike ride. Are my long rides cursed?

The "I'm Right; You're Stupid" Argument

"Talking Heads 1" by Fran Hogan

As humans, we debate over many issues, which way is right or wrong or more useful. We call these arguments. The word argue is based on the reconstructed Proto-IndoEuropean root *arg- "to shine, be white, be clear" (also related to Latin argentum for silver). Arguments should shine light on an issue and make it clear. Expressing opinions in a respectful manner leads to issues becoming clearer. Usually we can combine approaches to reach a solution.

However, some "opinions"  are truth, belief, or scientific fact. You can argue all you want with gravity, but stepping off a cliff will still lead to a certain injury or death.

Argumentum Ad Hominem or the Personal Attack

Resorting to personal attacks is a common tactic in our society. These attacks vary and can be outright, subtle, or sarcastic. No matter how the attack is presented it is still a logical fallacy. It hurts others, and it only makes it more difficult to come to a real solution. We may question someone's actions, motivations, and credibility if it is relevant to the argument. 

Passive-Aggressive Put-downs

Passive-aggressive arguments often appear witty or educated, but they are still personal attacks! They may not say directly that you are stupid, unhinged, too emotional, but they imply it. These manipulations are more insidious than direct attacks. It is designed to make someone feel stupid or worthless without implicating the aggressor. Passive-aggressive manipulation is a form of dishonesty because the aggressor hides behind a facade of civility.

Direct Put-downs

I don't condone outright name-calling, but I prefer it over passive forms of put downs. It is more honest. And hey--it is more exciting! Kidding. I'm tired of politicians, activists, fanatics, and news pundits on any side calling each other names. Stick to the issues or talk about something else. Sometimes two sides won't ever agree, so there is no point for the debate.

Truth Matters

The truth matters whether it be spiritual, physical, scientific, and so on. We cannot deny truth when discussing issues because this will not lead to a solution. In this case, errors--whether intentional or accidental--should be called out in a respectful manner. This is not a personal attack, but seeking the truth. After all, the purpose of an argument is to shine light and make things clear. When an opponent is dishonest in any form, their credibility should be questioned.

Absolute Rights, Wrongs, and Neutrals

Many things are absolute rights or wrongs, no matter what people call it. Good cannot be called evil, nor evil called good. Most arguments are over neutral or trivial subjects. A trivial, neutral subject would be whether soccer or football is better. It doesn't matter in the eternal scheme of things. There are also situations where there are multiple ways to approach a solution. How we solve the problem of poverty has several approaches from the public and private sectors, many which are viable. The key is to maintain civility, respect agency, and dignify the poor in such discussions.

The Spirit of the Argument

When the spirit of contention enters an argument, the truth is lost amid the fight for dominance (see 3 Ne. 11:29). This is true even if someone may be technically right, but contentious. Arguments only achieve solutions when there is respect and truth-seeking on both sides. If one or both sides have the spirit of contention, then the argument achieves only hurt feelings. When someone testifies of truth in the spirit of meekness, others who are receptive will understand the truth too, even when the other person is contentious. After stating the truth, it is time to walk away.

Common Ad Hominem Attacks

We come across several different types of personal attacks when discussing issues: "I'm right, you're stupid;" "I'm right, you're crazy;" and "I'm right, shut up." These attacks, whether direct or indirect, hurt people and can become abuse as gaslighting.

I'm Right; You're Stupid

Is there any reason to insult someone's intelligence? Everyone has innate intelligence, with or without formal education. Everyone has a brain to think things through. All we need are the facts. Someone may have less formal education, but that doesn't mean they haven't spent the time studying or have experience in that area. Sometimes you don't have to study something in-depth to have an informed opinion. Sometimes, we instinctively know whether something is right, wrong, or neutral.

I'm Right; You're Crazy

First off, "crazy" is a relative term. Calling someone crazy is an abusive technique and throws logic out the window. This attack is often used on anyone an opponent disagrees with, whether that person has mental illness or not. Mental illness--like anxiety or depression--does not affect a person's reasoning capability. In the case of paranoia or hallucinations, this only interferes with reasoning for a time. Unfortunately, we discount the mentally ill too often, thus making them frequent targets of abuse.

Attacking Beliefs as Deceived or Delusional

Some claim moral or religious people are delusional or deceived because of their beliefs. Everyone has a belief system or religion, whether it be secularism, Judaism, humanism, Islam, atheism, Christianity, Buddhism, and so on. Some religious beliefs are truths that are spiritual and not quantifiable. It is a matter of faith. Other beliefs can be proven, but people will still choose not to listen. Some say they can speak with God, but they are sometimes ridiculed as delusional. That would make the majority of the world delusional. Praying is not delusional: it is an act of faith.

If we chose to ignore our moral beliefs, we would have complete anarchy. We don't have to agree on all beliefs to have a meaningful discussion. We need to respect each other.

I'm Right; Shut Up!

If this isn't an obvious affront to logical argument, I don't know what is. This defeats the purpose of seeking a solution. There are several ways to shut up an opponent: tell them to shut up, ignoring them, walk away, discredit them unfairly, jail them, sue them, hurt them. Several tactics are "legal": to sue someone into silence, threaten them with allegations, invade their privacy and so on.

There are times when you have to walk away from an argument in the case of personal attacks, lies, and contention. There is nothing to be accomplished at this point. Simply state the truth and go. 

Agree or Disagree Agreeably

There is no winner or loser in an argument. Anyone going for the symbolic victory only causes contention. Both sides "win" when they show respect to one another (including apologies). If there's no consensus afterward, simply disagree agreeably. There can be other discussions, or a truce. Really, everyone wants to be heard and understood. We want to feel validated, whether we are right or wrong.

The goals of an argument are to shine light on truth, make a clear path for solutions, and to show respect.

How have you dealt with these type of attacks? How do you disagree agreeably? 

Intro to Series: Reducing Rape Culture

"Everyone Has a Choice" by George Hodan

This is my opinion on how to reduce rape culture. We each have strong opinions on such a devastating aspect of sexual abuse in society. We can work together to reduce potential predators and create help for victims.

Some classify cultures as rape cultures that create sexual predators. Some aspects of culture do contribute to sexual predators, but predators decide what they do. Their culture didn't make them predators, only influenced them: they choose to become who they are. However, there are strategies to reduce rape cultures.

Debunk Fallacies

We tell men: don't rape! Well, women and adolescents rape too. Simply saying don't rape doesn't account all the factors that led to someone choosing to act on sexual predation. The ultimate act of rape begins slowly with small deviations that lead to bigger deviations. The key is to persuade and teach everyone to take care of the small sins that can lead to rape or molesting.

We tell women: don't learn self-defense. That's dangerous thinking for every woman who believes that statement. Every man, woman, and older child has the power to reduce their risk of rape and sexual abuse using deflection strategies and self-defense. We have to accept that we can't control predators, but we can control ourselves.

So what will we counteract to reduce and one day eradicate rape culture?

After reading Protecting Our Children from Sexual Predators by Dr. Leigh Baker, she describes characteristics of sexual predators. Counteracting these characteristics in our culture will reduce sexual predators. Here are the characteristics to counteract: doesn't take responsibility and blames others for failures, acts entitled, has low self-esteem, needs to control or have power, deviant sexual attitudes and behaviors, trouble forming relationships with adults, lacks empathy, abuses alcohol or drugs, and troubled/abusive childhoods. Anna C. Salter discusses other characteristics of sexual predators: practiced liars, glibness (slippery), likability, and outward niceness.

I will discuss the remedies going through this series: taking responsibility, humility, loving yourself, dealing with helplessness, healthy sexuality, forming healthy relationships, developing empathy, abstaining from drugs and alcohol, preventing/coping with a troubled past, being honest, and discernment.

This sounds simplistic, but we tend to overcomplicate solutions. As each of us takes responsibility for ourselves, we create a healthier society. It all begins with the individual and influencing other individuals for the better.


Have you noticed other characteristics of abusers? What would you recommend to reduce rape culture?

Goodbye Glasses

"Glasses" by Daniele Pellati

Last night I was riding my bike and bugs rushed at my face. I spit them out. My face soon became sweaty as I was dodging bugs. In the midst of riding fast, my glasses flew off my face. In the dark, I couldn't see worth beans. I touched every weed hoping it was my glasses. My husband came and he searched for the glasses too. No luck.

I put in my contacts this morning, which I hate, but I only have 15 year old backup glasses. I can see 15 feet away clearly, but not beyond that. Maybe not even that.

In the morning, my husband looked around for 20 minutes. I checked separately with no luck. One person passed by and asked if I was okay. "I'm looking for my glasses." She said she'd tell me if she saw any. I know I looked funny because I was weaving from one side to another scanning the ground. Maybe I looked drunk.

Today, I went to an eye doctor and set up an appointment. I need glasses now! I wish I could afford Lasik, but I am going to see if I am a candidate. I would be worth it to me to have perfect vision again. Only been going blind for the past 20 years. I hope I get my new glasses soon.

Misfortune & Serendipity

"Two Dices" by Charles Rondeau

Two months ago, my family and I went to a buffet restaurant. My toddler coughed so hard that he vomited. We paid all this money and we couldn't take home what was left on our plates! The servers gave us small clean up kits that didn't even begin to clean up the mess. We left in a rush and huff. The restaurant gave us two meal tickets, but how could that make up for our children begging to finish their dinner?

The next week, my husband and I went on a date to that same buffet with the free meal tickets. I ran into an old roommate that I haven't heard from in nine years there. I smiled because I had tried to contact her that entire time, but had outdated contact information. She was at the restaurant because she had run out of gas and her dad had picked her up. Our misfortunes led to our serendipitous meeting.

We visited last week and she helped me gain some perspective for my life: We are all beautiful in our own way. What we look like is not our true beauty. The world has set patterns of beauty, especially for women. I don't fit the ideal like I used to, but she reminded of the beauty I have. I have red hair that so many people dye for. I am a caring and talented person. But I still want to lose weight!!! I also am learning I don't need to compare myself with others. I especially can't compare myself to the media's portrayal of a flat stomach, large chest, and wide hips. How many pictures are photo-shopped? Or how much surgery did someone get for that body? We live in reality with imperfections. So my friend reminded me of my own worth.

God works in mysterious ways to bring people together (or apart). Several times I have been annoyed at my misfortune or bad timing, but the misfortunes turn out for my benefit. I meet friends or strangers who I need to talk to. (Or I miss seeing toxic people at the store.) Misfortunes have been serendipitous in bigger ways in my life. For example, I had wanted to go to BYU when I was in high school, but I ended up going to a junior college first. The timing was perfect to go to BYU as a transfer student when I roomed with my future husband's sister.

So when I'm frustrated at my misfortunes, I try to remember that it could be God intervening for my benefit.

Has misfortune led to serendipitous (lucky) situations for you?

A Child's Health Problems Are Heart Wrenching

My son's left club foot as an infant

I scroll through my Facebook news feed and I see the updates on several babies that were born prematurely or have other health problems. It hurts my heart seeing babies and children suffer. It is the ultimate torment for any parent. What must Heavenly Father feel for us?

My Experiences

When my oldest was four, he had a burst appendix. Because the appendix ruptured, my oldest had to be on IV antibiotics for several days after surgery. He was so dehydrated that multiple nurses and anesthesiologists couldn't get an IV in. I broke down during that time worrying about my son. A neighbor dropped by and gave me hug, which brought me through the moment. He went to a bigger hospital as a result. The doctor knocked him out with a shot and then the team went to work. It was quite interesting seeing my oldest go into a very relaxed state and sleep. I was so relieved when he came home and had no further complications.

My youngest baby was in the hospital for five days after being born. I was so stressed and sleep deprived. I just wanted him to come home. He came home on oxygen and a oxygen monitor, which I wanted to bash into the wall when it beeped through the night. I was so relieved when we got rid of all the medical equipment four weeks later and my infant was better.

I Pray for the Baby

When I see a baby hurting on Facebook, I say a short prayer before I forget. I hope those prayers make the difference for each baby, but not all babies get better. I can only imagine a portion of what the parents must be going through. People who make it through are amazing.

I know God cares for each child and loves them so much, even when they don't become better. I remember the promise that when we are resurrected, we will have a perfect body. Right now is just a test that feels like eternity. Other children God brings home early. We have a promise that we will be able to raise that child during Christ's Millenial Reign. That can give some comfort, but life will still be difficult. Through God's plan we have hope to cling to, though it may seem insignificant.

The Health Problem Becomes the Norm

In my own experience, we become accustomed to dealing with our child's health problems. It simply becomes habit. My youngest had a club foot, so we have seen an orthopedist since he was two months old. That was quite involved with all the casting and orthopedic shoes afterward, but not as stressful as being on oxygen. I became very used to the doctor changing casts weekly for the first few months after my son's birth. Then he wore the orthopedic shoes during the day and soon only at night. It's became a process of daily life. Admittedly, a club foot is so much easier to take care than other medical issues. I'll take my problems over anybody else's.

I hope we can all come to terms with children's hardships and learn how we can help and how we can accept what we can't change. We simply do our best.

How have you coped with a child's health issues?