Bipolar Spring Fever and Eliminate the Time Change

Via Public Domain Photos

I feel burned out at this time of year. My body has experienced a mild form of Seasonal Affective Disorder or maybe just the winter blues since November. December I had it particularly bad. But mid-February I have this strange beast from the equalizing of the light. The spring equinox disturbs bipolar people's circadian rhythms. It is so random. I read about it my local newspaper three years ago. This is March Madness or spring fever for bipolar people.

I made another connection last year when I saw the Business Insider article about the time change causing an increase in heart attacks, car accidents, bipolar suicides, workplace injuries and so on. I have made suicide attempts a couple times within a few days after the spring time change.

This year I feel a little more prepared because I am aware of what the spring equinox and the time change do to my mental health. I have been working on a few extra steps to prepare myself, but I have had a hard time the past four days.

I sent an email to my state representative about the time change. I even got a thoughtful response back. I felt so proud of myself for doing that before the actual time change happened!

I sent in a letter to the editor to one of the state newspapers. I don't know if I care if the letter is published or not. Really, I feel quite validated that my representative responded to me.

What is so simple about eliminating the time change is that it violates no one's second amendment right, yet has the potential to reduce suicide. That has been my soapbox thinking in all my rough drafts that will never see the light of day.

Anyway, one day at a time.

Grad School May Come Another Year

I received the letter today that I was not accepted to the linguistics MA program at BYU. I am disappointed. I have cried some tears, but that is to be expected. I believe that is a normal reaction.

Now I am trying to stay on a positive focus, so I am not on a downward spiral. I can feel tugs of the negative voice telling me I am stupid. But the reality is that there are only so many open slots each year in a program. I don't know why my application was rejected. I will probably ask for more details so I can improve those aspects. I may try to apply again next year. I know that my GRE scores were low.

Anyway, I am intelligent. But it is hard to see that intelligence as a mother sometimes. I don't have the time to sit and write intelligently thought out papers like I used to. Bipolar doesn't limit my intelligence, but it impacts my ability to concentrate. I have racing thoughts and my thoughts often go on tangents. I have a difficult time focusing. I love the next shiny thing. In this way, my writing is often choppy or stream of consciousness. It can be confusing. I have to focus very hard to complete tasks with bipolar and with four boys distracting me. I want peace.

I wonder about God's timing in all of this. What is in store for me? I still have a toddler at home I watch during the day. I just am antsy having been a homemaker for 12 years. I feel stuck in my growth. I've applied for a few part-time jobs, but I am only available in the evenings. This is just a pity party.

We save money since I won't be in grad school. We will save thousands of dollars.

I will keep my sanity, right?

Haha!

I am going crazy!