COVID-19: Letting Fear Dictate Instead of Love

This article is my opinion and contains my beliefs. Beliefs and opinions shared freely and respectfully open understanding and promote good policy. Some of you may disagree with this essay, yet we can disagree agreeably.

Our amygdala, or lizard brain, acts on survival, which often reduces to fear as motivation. It requires more thought to act from nobler motivations. During the COVID-19 panic, many people and governments are acting out of fear instead of hope and love. Acting from fear poses problems to our well-being and freedoms.

As the world faces the novel coronavirus pandemic, governments feel it necessary to deny their citizens of inalienable rights. Some countries may not recognize all of these natural rights. The crux is that governments are forcing their citizens into certain actions instead of educating them to make wise choices. Many citizens will follow guidelines voluntarily, if given the opportunity. The government is there to serve individuals and families, not the other way around.

Serving in Love

Love respects everyone’s free will. Loving others and providing hope brings about greater and more lasting change than fear tactics. When we love each other, we teach and persuade one another with patience and kindness. Love maintains natural boundaries that have good or bad consequences depending on our actions. We have commandments to guide us in making just laws and just rules. Some people will defy the rules and will need correction. The correction shouldn’t be harsher than the crime.

Often our love usually encompasses our friends and family. As time goes on, we learn to love others, including our enemies. We also need to love ourselves with the same love and understanding we would give our friends and vice versa.

During this time, we can show love for ourselves through personal hygiene, adequate rest, and exercise. We can follow the advice of our health departments and governments to prevent disease from spreading to friends, family, acquaintances, strangers, and enemies. Our motivation to follow the guidelines can be from love and hope, which is stronger than fear.

How can governments show hope and love?

Governments can give guidelines for citizens to follow. They educate their citizens to empower them. They can quarantine those who are sick in compassionate ways. They can respect our free will on which our inalienable rights are based. No one’s freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of assembly, freedom of religion, or other freedoms should be denied. Governments are welcome to put advisories on limiting group sizes and shelter-in-place.

Businesses, churches, and other organizations would be wise to follow practical health guidelines during this time. They can modify their services to online, delivery, or take out. Private individuals and organizations can deny anyone to enter their property as a boundary— it’s their space. Many religious organizations have transferred their services online or to home meetings.

Types of Fear

There are several types of fear during the COVID-19 pandemic. People and governments may feel or be acting from fear of a damaged reputation, fear of suffering and death, fear for their loved ones’ health, or fear of threats and punishment.

Fear of a Damaged Reputation

The accelerated spread of COVID-19 stems from the Wuhan, Hubei province, China police afraid of damaging the reputation of China. Dr. Li Wenliang first warned the Chinese people of COVID-19 on December 30, 2019, but the Wuhan police forced him to recant his statement as false. The police violated Dr. Li’s freedom of speech. As a result, the Chinese public didn’t have the proper information to prevent or slow down the spread of the disease for three weeks.

Officials waited until January 20, 2020 to warn the Chinese public and take action. The motivations for preventive measures still originated from the fear of a damaged reputation. They forcefully shut down travel in or out of Wuhan on January 23, 2020. The government officials and media touted their responsibility about the forceful tactics against their people. They forced the people to stay inside, wear masks, have mandatory temperature checks, or not to gather in groups.

The government violated their people’s right to freedom of assembly and movement through these measures. The Chinese government is not the only culprit. Other governments have forced some of these same measures around the world.

Some individuals and groups around the world only take preventive measures because they fear the damage to their reputation. They don’t want to be seen as “hating” the young, immunocompromised, and elderly. They fear others will shame them. They fear that people will label them as ableist, ageist, and so on. The fear is real because of the shame and cancel culture. People run the risk of losing friends, fans, money, or their jobs. So let’s stop shaming others and motivate others through love.

Shame and Blame Culture

The last decade has seen a rise in shaming others in person and online to produce desired results. This passive-aggressive manipulation often derives from selfishness.

Some people want to be seen as pedestals of virtue, so they shame others to create the effect of virtue. Yet this is not a virtuous act; it is a selfish act. It is for self-preservation.

Selfishness disguises itself as love in these situations. You can tell it is from selfishness if someone shames you, unfriends you, or tries to force you into action. True love never forces others. True love respects another person’s free will. Others act from selfishness because they do not want themselves or their loved ones to suffer or die.

The vaccination debate is a perfect example of the shame and blame culture. People call these parents stupid for not vaccinating themselves or their children. These people are also considered a physical threat as disease carriers. People cease to see them as human.

Naturally, none of us want to see babies, the immunocomprised, or the elderly suffer or die from preventable diseases. We want to stop the suffering. The answer is so simple: widespread vaccination.

But the answer isn’t so simple because we have to force parents to vaccinate their children. Or vaccinate children without the parents’ permission. We want to trample on free will in the name of public health. But we need to respect that parent’s choice.

There are risks involved with vaccinations, though rare and most are minor. I believe the benefits far outweigh the risks, which is why my children and I are vaccinated.

Many of these anti-vax parents are just as concerned about their children’s health. Calling them names only alienates these parents. They only want to be understood. Empathy and education about vaccinations will touch these parents’ hearts much faster than name calling and shaming.

Sometimes, we have to accept that matters like this our beyond our control. We can only control our own choices. Otherwise, matters are within our circles of influence.

Fear of Personal Suffering

Our lizard brain acts on self-preservation. We want to feel comfortable and free from pain and suffering. The thought of suffering causes us to curl up in our shell and not reach out to others. We only protect the core group. For example, Florida governor Ron DeSantis refused to let two ships, Zaandam and Rotterdam, with COVID-19 victims dock in Ft. Lauderdale because he didn’t want foreign nationals clogging up the healthcare system. There were people suffering and four died from COVID-19 on the Zaandam. Multiple South American countries had already refused them. President Trump intervened and begged for Ron DeSantis to let them in. The governor reversed his decision, but claimed he didn’t know U.S. citizens, including Floridians, were on board. So basically, only Floridians are worth saving — not anyone else.

Essentially, this fear is often selfish where we put blinders on human suffering. It only matters if it is ourselves or someone we know who is suffering or dying.

Conversely, this applies to healthy people who flout reasonable guidelines. People may reason that it is okay to not follow the guidelines since they and their loved ones aren’t sick. They suppose nothing will happen to them.

Fear of Threats or Punishment

Governments are using threats and punishment to control citizens’ behavior. They instill fear of punishment instead of educational guidelines. Some citizens only follow the rules because they fear they will be fined or jailed. Why not instill love for your fellow humans? Governments are restricting their citizens’ inalienable rights in order to do this. Mostly, the freedom of assembly. Group sizes are limited to ten or one hundred or some other random number. No person agrees on the exact number. It just keeps getting smaller. Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer has stated that there should be no gatherings with rare exceptions (along with no buying seeds or plants; really?).

In mid-March, the Utah County and Salt Lake County health departments declared that people in gatherings of ten and over would be charged with a criminal offense. Apparently, families with ten or more people would get a Class B misdemeanor, fined $1000 or six months of jail time. While this isn’t true, it could be mistaken to be true. People joked that they would have to send some of their children to live in the backyard as a result. Governor Gary Herbert clarified that this was a recommendation, not a prohibition. Governor Herbert hoped people would follow the gathering recommendations voluntarily.

Fear of Death

Our base instinct is to survive. Therefore, our lizard brain usually fears death. We will go to extreme measures to avoid death. Some people are unwilling to live because of their fear of death. This is unhealthy. Life involves risk to enjoy it.

Basically, we can’t accept our own vulnerability and fragility. Yes, we can die at any minute. And it’s okay. Death is normal part of life. We have been sheltered for so long from extreme disease and frequent death, that some overreact when there is a chance of disease spreading or death. Our parents and grandparents lived in fear of deadly and debilitating illnesses, such as polio. Some died, some became disabled, and others survived with little effect. But they didn’t restrict people’s rights to prevent disease. They looked for solutions — such as vaccinations.

Some solutions included gatherings to catch diseases all at one time. These gatherings were meant to create a controlled atmosphere. People tried to get the disease when their bodies could best recover from it. For example, my friend would visit people’s houses who had chicken pox. She and her parents hoped she would get the chicken pox before it could kill her during her advanced years.

Fear for Loved Ones’ Suffering or Death

There is a real fear of seeing our loved ones suffering or dying. It is excruciating. The fear is even greater right now because hospitals won’t let any visitors come in. There are limits on how many people can attend a funeral. It is horrible that we can’t be there to help our loved ones as they suffer or may die. This creates even greater grief than normal. We can’t mentally process death as easily.

I have had a fear of my children dying. I remember a blessing my second son received that he would not die from an illness. I was grateful. Yet that wasn’t the case for all my children. My third son accidentally strangled himself with a jump rope on our slide. Somehow the jump rope had caught around the playhouse window and looped around his neck. The jump rope was never tied to the slide, but people making comments online thought the jump rope was tied to the swing set. My son’s strangulation was a random accident.

I died inside as I saw his blue and lifeless body. The ligature marks on his neck stood out in blue.

My husband revived our son. We lived in fear of brain damage for two days while he was intubated and kept cool. Because of God’s grace and competent medical staff, my son had no lasting damage.

For months, I lived in fear of jump ropes, plastic bags, cords, and letting my sons play outside. I have talked through some of that fear during counseling sessions. I don’t think I will ever get over my fear of jump ropes. I will never buy one or let my family own one again, but I am not taking away anyone’s jump ropes as a result. I’ve tried to take that suffering and pain to empathize with others. My friendships strengthened with my neighbors, family, and community.

Fear of my children’s suffering and death paralyzes me at times. I try to remember that life is only enjoyed when we live outside the bubble. I can let my children play outside. If death does come knocking again, I have my support system.

We can make it through this COVID-19 pandemic as long as we bind ourselves together in love. We can be each other’s support system. We can do this.

Benefits of Staying Up Late

Many nights, I binge watch, read, or play Scrabble on my phone until the wee hours of the morning. I want to finish the plot of the story line. Or my mind races with thoughts of grandeur. Generally, I have an all or nothing attitude when it comes to staying up late. It is SO healthy, I know.

The first benefit of staying up late is that I have time alone in a household of four rambunctious boys. It can be very loud in my house during the day. I am in 1590 square feet of space full of toys, boys, and noise. I need an hour or two of silence at night. Being the youngest child, I became used to silence. The problem is staying awake beyond an hour of two of silence.

The second benefit of staying up late is the brain function.  First comes the headaches. Then comes the feeling of decreased decision making. For example, my boys watch the game show Awake on Netflix where contestants are awake over 24 hours and they perform poorly. After 72 hours of sleep deprivation, people are certifiably mentally ill.

The third benefit of late nights is gazing at the stars. I grew up in Southeastern Utah where I could see the Milky Way in all its glory. The night is so crystal clear in the rural desert. When I look at the stars, I feel connected to my Creator.

Via Public Domain Photos

The fourth benefit of late nights includes enjoying more food. I increase my calorie intake by at least one extra meal. This leads to the overall weight gain. The issue is mindless eating and making poor food choices the next day.

I know the roots of my addiction and much of it has to do with bipolar too. I have stayed up late since I was eight or nine-years-old. It began on weekends when I would read a book late. But I would sleep regularly the rest of the week. As a teenager, I knew I could stay up late reading books or watching TV over the weekends or school breaks. I often did when I had no schedule. I carried this mentality into college of late-night weekends. When I worked and went to school, I only had one day a week I could stay up late. As a stay-at-home-mom, my hours are more flexible, but I have greater stress. I turn to staying up late to "cope" with stress. I have times I reset to a better sleep schedule.

It has been more difficult since last March when my third son accidentally strangled himself and my husband revived him. (My third son fully recovered.) My husband, the older boys, and I have PTSD from the event. I have "coped" more with food and staying up late. We all have had individual counseling. Other events have upset my equilibrium as well.

Bipolar makes it harder to change addictions because it is more difficult to focus on a habit long term. That is a difficulty with losing weight. I have two separate "personalities" from day to night. I can be a planner for an hour until my impulsive side kicks in. Then I am ready to just go get it done. It can drive my husband nuts sometimes because he is likes to think about purchases for a long time.

Obviously, the benefits of late nights have consequences. I continue to work on my mental and physical health with mixed results. One day I will go to sleep before midnight.

*I write about this hoping that someone else can benefit from my mistakes. That they can improve where I am trying to improve too. I hope others can gain insight into why their loved ones might be so stuck in their addiction and maybe find a way to empathize or know how to help.