Abusers play the role of the victim. Many are victims of abuse, but that doesn't excuse their actions. They make the choice whether or not to continue the vicious cycle of abuse onto other generations. Abusers choose to hurt others and pass the blame to others. They aren't the victim any longer: they make the victim.
Abusers are depressed because they feel guilty about hurting others. However, they claim depression as an excuse for any number of bad behaviors.
"Don't make me angry!" abusers may threaten. No, they choose to be angry. After the fact, abusers may say, "You made me do it!" No, victims don't cause bruises or other effects. So often sexual assault victims receive the blame--"She's so beautiful," "She wore slutty clothes," "He liked it when I touched him," and so on. Abusers blame the real victims. Sometimes, other friends or family members blame the victims too.
Often, abusers claim they are victims of libel, assault, and harassment when victims or others reveal the truth. Abusers use the law for vengeance. A police woman monitors her husband's private messages on Facebook. (Facebook doesn't protect your privacy.) A victim reports abuse and the abuser claims libel. Victims, or a friends of victims, physically defend themselves, and they are charged with assault. Abusers file for protection orders. They claim others are the real abusers.
Be careful not to let abusers fool you into thinking they are the victim. Following the Spirit is the best way to discern other's motivations even if they appear friendly.