November 19, 2015

Child-proof Device Manufacturers Owe Me for Broken Stuff!

"Boy Making a Phone Call" by Petr Kratochvil
I enjoy watching HGTV shows. I'm currently watching the Small Space Big Style collection on Netflix. People design their small spaces with so much storage, but without toddlers in mind.

I want more storage--toddler-proof storage.

The Failure of Child-proof Devices

Forget the flimsy child-proof catches and other devices. They don't work!

Toddlers are smarter and more motivated than adults when they desire something.

My sons just copy my actions to undo child-proof mechanisms. Or they rip the piece of furniture apart trying. My middle child pulled so hard on cabinet doors linked in the middle that one door pulled apart to pieces.

I once believed that keeping items in high places kept toddlers from getting them. My first child taught me about chairs. My second child taught me about chairs, storage bins, and shelves. My third child is teaching me about chairs, stools, ladders, counters, and persistence. 

My third knows no bounds. I removed the stools to the garage and I have some peace, but it is quickly vanishing. He has found the keyboard bench.

Real Child-proofing Methods

We need real protection for our kitchen cupboards, bathroom cupboards, computer desks, refrigerators, microwaves, ovens, trash cans, water faucets, toilets, and anything within a ten foot reach of a toddler.

So what word really work to keep children out of cupboards and appliances?

  • Iris scanners
  • Fingerprint scanners
  • Reinforced hinges and steel parts
  • Locks
  • Deadbolts
  • Four finger combination pads 
  • Mind wave scanners
By the way, all of these methods must be combined for true effectiveness. Toddlers know about keys and technology, so I'm not sure this is even enough.

My next dilemma are plugs. Those plug inserts release with a mere touch of a toddler's finger, but meld to the wall with an adult finger. Toddlers need a taste of the danger. Plugs should send out a minor shock, except toddlers would make it a game.

Electronic Devices

My boys haven't figured out how to hack or circumvent passwords on electronic devices yet, but they will someday. My older nephews have figured out passwords through brute force hacking.

Electronic devices need combined fingerprint, iris, and toe scans as the first step to use them. Then a blood sample. Next a mind wave scanner. The mind wave device will sense the intent of the user. The user must radiate virtuous vibrations.

The Best Child-proofing Method

Teaching and modeling self-control is the best child-proofing method. (Yes, I've gone all philosophical.)
  1. A parent must be consistent (have you met any 100% consistent parents?). 
  2. A parent must be firm (with few layers of fat).
  3. A parent must remain calm (no microaggressions).
I haven't met a perfect parent yet...but I have met more effective parents. Effective parents love and respect their children, give boundaries, and model good behavior

I never even knew some rules existed because my parents modeled self-control. My siblings and I imitated most of their behaviors.

This method is for the long haul and requires patience. It requires forgiving yourself when you fail and doing better next time. No comparing yourself!

Meanwhile, embrace the mess! It is a reminder my toddler is learning the law of gravity and entropy.

What child-proof mechanisms would you invent? Do you stress over your toddler's mess? How can we teach self-control and not let parent-guilt set in?