October 24, 2015

A Parent's Revenge

One night, I thought of all the things to do to my boys once they are adults. I laughed for an hour just thinking of my specific revenge for each child. My husband added a few, but then told me to go to sleep. I was on a parenting high and my mind churned thoughts for an hour or more.
"Baby with a Laptop" by Petr Kratochvil

To my oldest:

  • When you buy your first camera, I'll dip it in soup repeatedly. No, I will not buy you a new camera.
  • When you won't let me on a computer in a public place like the library, I will scream until you leave.
  • I will knock over your first house plant and spread the dirt around. And I will do it again.
  • I will sneak into your fridge, eat your favorite food, and grind it into the carpet.
"Super Diaper Man" by man's pic
To my middlest:
  • I will draw on your wall with permanent marker, crayon, pencil, pen, and with other lovely substances.
  • I will spill juice on your kitchen floor multiple times a day.
  • I will wipe chocolate, diaper cream, and other substances all over your walls, tub, and floor.
  • When I have to wear diapers in my old age, I will take them off when you aren't looking.

"Naughty Boy" by George Hodan
To my youngest whose motto is "If I can't have it, nobody can!" -Dad

  • I'll unwind all your toilet paper and spread it around your house.
  • I will throw all your college homework, leftovers, and dirty glasses off your table. I'll throw the glasses hard enough so they'll break.
  • I will take away your cell phone and throw it on the ground when you try to get it back. And yes, my goal will be to crack it into pieces.
  • My husband says, I'll "rip his glasses off many times, repeat, and throw them farther" each time.
  • I will dump your drinks on the floor for sheer curiosity.

The list will probably grow as my children grow older. Sadly, I've forgotten so much of what my oldest two boys did as toddlers. I better update this regularly, so I'll have my full revenge one day.

What would your parents do to you? What would you do to your children? All within reason, of course.