Why I Quit My Second Job

Secret Garden at Thanksgiving Point (photo by Author)

Many of us operate on the cordiality principle where we want to please others around us. This desire helps bind us as a community, but can also backfire. We can overcommit ourselves when we won't say no to another person. I fell into this trap this spring (as I have many springs when my energy returns).

A Second Job

Feeling extra pressure from rising inflation, I applied for a second job at a grocery store. The "Now Hiring" sign advertised up to $15 an hour and a $500 bonus. When I didn't hear from the store for a week, I increased my hours as a tutor. Weeks later, the store hired me during the interview at $12 an hour and a six-month bonus. I started two weeks later on a Tuesday night. Because I had written my availability before increasing my hours at my tutoring job, they scheduled me for too many hours and at inconvenient times.

I enjoyed working at the grocery store because I socialized with many acquaintances I rarely see, but I missed seeing my children for two days in a row. So I reduced my hours at both my jobs to reduce stress and increase family time. Yet I wouldn't say no as many people-pleasers do. I wanted to please my coworkers at both jobs to the detriment of my mental health.

Before a Saturday evening shift, my husband and I talked about the impact of working too much when I felt an oncoming panic attack and suicidality. I debated working more, but I had to disappoint others to maintain my mental health. Otherwise, I have no strength to help anyone. Finally, I felt the peace I had prayed for when I made the decision to quit. About an hour before my shift, I handed in my uniform and said I needed to quit for my mental health. The supervisor said, "Okay."

I still hated to disappoint him.

Do you feel conflicted when you say no, even when it is for your health? Are you overworking yourself to relieve financial stress?

Effects of Stress

I am told to play mother,

Scholar, wife, CEO, or another.

I can’t fulfill all these roles

Without access to all controls.

I cannot rule a boss or a man;

I can only do what I can.

--"As a Woman" by Eileen Davis

In my health coach's group, we often discuss saying "no" to protect our health. My coach sees too many women gain weight because they stretch themselves too thin. As a result of too much stress, I know women who lose weight too. We learn overcommitting ourselves affects our physical and mental health because of negative stress. The constant state of stress and overproduction of cortisol increases our hunger, headaches, muscle tension, and more. Thus, our bodies and minds need short and long periods of recovery.

And yes, we need to unwind away from electronic devices, which actually stimulate the brain. I have a hard time with this because I still play puzzle games on my phone (but I listen to calming music!). Instead, I need to increase my recovery time. I've listed that drawing, stretching, deep breaths, calm music, swinging, and looking at the stars help me destress. I am working on these techniques, an ongoing process.

How has stress affected you? What activities calm you?

A Time and a Season

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven...a time to break down, and a time to build up... A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away...a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3, 6, 7

The ancients knew that there is a time and season for activity and rest--that we need moderation in all things. This is difficult in our present emphasis on productivity. But as the seasons change, we need seasons of rest and recovery too.

Particularly, there are times "to speak" no and times to "keep silence" to indicate a no. "No" can be powerful to restore balance in our lives, so we can say "yes" to more important matters. Thus, we will be more present and productive during the important activities.

How do you think setting boundaries by saying "no" will help you?

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Three Teambuilding Ideas for Remote Work

My office via Author

Many work teams are experiencing additional strain with the switch to remote work. Some have found ways to still connect during social distancing. Observing my spouse working from home, I have noted some of their strategies and others my spouse would like to implement at his job. Here are some of those ideas:

1. Start the day with a brief “How are you?” meeting

In the normal office environment, team members connect more naturally through greetings and asking how others are while in passing. The social niceties that bond the team together are harder to achieve in the remote workplace. For this reason, a brief “How are you?” meeting online will encourage the bonding ritual of greetings. Consequently, this time will improve team members’ mental health so they perform tasks better. 

To add variety to these meetings, team members can play different icebreaker activities such as Never Have I Ever. Teammates will discover new things about each other that they wouldn’t normally share at work. 

Other game ideas can be found here (some may need to be adjusted for remote work). Let’s Roam also has icebreaker games designed for remote workplaces.

2. Socially-distanced lunch

Set up a socially-distanced lunch at a park, someone’s yard, or another outdoor venue. The company can pay for the lunch or team members can bring their own lunch. Each person can sit or stand six feet apart to observe social distancing recommendations.

I highly recommend it because I have observed my husband’s team morale improve for the rest of the workday.

3. Play online games together

Prior to the pandemic, team members sometimes played games together during breaks. For now, teams can take those games temporarily online. Some good game websites include Jackbox and Roblox. Roblox is free and has many game options. For Jackbox, only one person needs to buy it for the whole group to use it. There are many other games where teams can play online that will fit any team personality.

So, try some of these ideas and see what works for your team. These can be adjusted as needed. Also, share what ideas work for your team in the comment section. Or gather ideas from the comment section.

Happy team building!

What ideas has your team used? What ideas do you think would work?

 

Clarifying Copyright--Fair Use, People!

I read a post about an author who had learned the wrong facts from her publisher about copyright. She was told that she couldn't use other people's photos without copyright permission. Then she felt upset when someone copied her photo. The person may have copied it under fair use (I don't know the full case).

Copyright law delineates where and when you can copy someone else's work. It is to protect the consumer and the owner. Fair use tells you when you can copy: criticism, comment, news, teaching, scholarship, and research.

You give credit where credit is due whenever you source something. It also depends on how much of the work you quote. You need permission from the owner for other purposes. If you've purchased something, then you may have permission to alter it or use, say a photo, for commercial purposes.

Here are some common misconceptions: photographers claim to own photos that you paid them to take. Actually, those photos belong to whoever paid for them. It's called work for hire. I do work for hire all the time and what I wrote belongs to whoever paid me to do it. (The terms in the contract will tell you if you have any future copyright.)

If you significantly change something into a parody, you created a new work. You did not infringe copyright.

There is a growing trend to reduce copyright restrictions by creators. Some people put their work into the public domain, or have a creative commons license. Public domain means anyone can copy the work with few restrictions. You can even use some of it for commercial purposes. I use public domain photos on this blog. Many offer freebies to grow their audience and then offer other products to sell.

The laws surrounding copyright have become more complex over the years. Some laws, especially with technology, contradict each other. You can create backup copies of your movies, but DRM software on originals prevents copying. Breaking the DRM is illegal, but owning a backup copy is legal.

Some lawyers, politicians, and corporations muddle up fair use so you think you can't ever copy. No, you can copy for certain purposes. Know your rights as a consumer and artist!

P.S. I'm not an expert, so research the facts for yourself. And don't think you have to be a lawyer to get it.

Freelance Work for Stay-at-Home-Parents

I've found oDesk to be a good freelancing site. This is a good resource for parents who need to work some while still staying at home with their children. I take frequent breaks with my kids while doing this part time.

You can do secretarial work, data entry, transcribing, writing emails, and areas of expertise. You don't have to be an expert for some of the freelance jobs. Of course, it helps to have a degree and experience. Beware of some jobs. Some college students will pay you to do their papers. Some people pay you to make comments about their products on other people's blogs--unethical, but not illegal. Some employers bid really low because of a limited budget and freelancers from other countries don't need as high of wages as the U.S. That works.

Some experience does not have to be official work experience. Think of all the volunteer work you do at church, a shelter, your child's school or wherever. Being a parent and running a household is experience. If you deal with certain illnesses, you are an expert in that area. Do you know a second language? Almost anything counts as experience. Have someone who knows how to write a resume well help you.

I started part-time freelance writing a month ago. I've written some articles for Single Parents Survival Guide. The site won't officially launch for about another week. My articles will include co-parenting relationships, co-parenting discipline, healing from an abusive relationship, child custody etiquette, and what to do if the other parent is abusive. Probably not all of this articles will appear on the site, but we will see. I'm excited about it :).

I'm also ghostwriting, but that's hush-hush. I'll be writing some novellas. I am currently working on the first one.

Making a Simple and Secure Password

"Computer Keyboard" by Charles Rondeau

Some people and many IT departments think passwords have to be complicated with numbers, symbols, upper and lowercase letters to make it harder to hack. But the human brain usually can't handle remembering such complex sequences. A password should be easy to remember, but not easy for other people to guess or a robot to hack.

Complex Passwords Aren't as Secure as We Think

Some companies require employees to change their passwords weekly or monthly for an illusion of security. So what do employees do so their brains will remember complex passwords? They write down their passwords and put it in their desks, which defeats the entire purpose of a "secure" password. IT Departments need to consider the human brain when making password requirements instead of only the mathematics of hacking a password.

The Default Password

So often we follow a basic pattern for making a password when it has to be complicated. Most of us use a single word and add numbers before or after the word. These passwords are easy to hack. Many hackers and robots just use brute force by repeating the same word with different number combinations. It's way too obvious when you use the @ sign for an a, the 3 for an E, 5 for an S, or the number 1 for a lowercase l or an uppercase I. Never use the words password, password1, password2.... Need I say more?

Blending Words or Phrases as Passwords

To accommodate the human brain and better security, IT departments need to think differently. A better approach is to combine two or more words that you can remember because there are infinite more combinations of words than there are of numbers, symbols, and letters. For example, take the words flimsy and icicle and combine them into flimcicle. (Obviously, this is not my password and neither should you use this password.) Passwords can be phrases which are harder to hack than two words.

Choose words or phrases that aren't too closely related to your favorite food, color, saying, or favorite anything else because the most successful hackers are relatives and friends. Stick with few passwords--or variations of them--so you aren't tempted to write them down.

Following the Extra Security Measures

Since many websites require a number, symbol, or upper or lowercase letters, create variations on your main password. Add a number or symbol somewhere within the password instead of at the beginning or end. You can create different levels of secure passwords. For non-financial and suspicious websites, use a less secure version of the password. Have a medium security password. Finally, for websites containing more sensitive information have a more secure variation of your password.

Now you can create a simple and secure password that you don't have to stress about remembering. Remember, if you have to write down the password, change it!

P.S. My husband is a software engineer, so I absorb a lot of technical information through him. I vicariously earned a Bachelor's in Computer Science.

Have you ever written your down your passwords because they were too complex?

Recommended Web Filter, Antivirus, and Anti-spyware Programs

"Global Business Background" by Dawn Hudson

My husband and I use different programs to protect our computer from computer viruses, spyware, and web filters. We've experimented with several programs and found these to be effective and free for home use.

Antivirus and Anti-spyware

We use Avast antivirus and SuperAntiSpyware on our computers. Most of us know that we need an antivirus program, but you also need an anti-spyware program to block malware and spyware. These programs also help keep your from being computer bogged down. Avast is more comprehensive and up-to-date than McAffee and Norton antivirus.

Web Filters

Adults and children both need web filters. Yes, even adults need web filters. We all have addictions that we are susceptible to--gambling, movies, online shopping, etc. It's best if the person with the least temptation (even if it's a teenager) has the password to web filters. It should be someone who will not let you give into temptation. Also, keep computers in public spaces.

Do not let children have a computer or mobile device in their own bedroom! This is a safety issue when it comes to online predators, cyber-bullying, and exposure to pornography. According to missingkids.com, 1 in 7 youth were exposed to unwanted sexual solicitations; 1 in 3 unwanted exposure to sexual material; and 1 in 11 exposed to direct harassment. Also teach children to keep personal information private.

Web Filter on Your Hardware

Layer web filters. You need a layer installed on your computer and then a layer for your router. K9 web protection is an internet filter that you install individually on each computer or each mobile device. Since it is installed on an individual computer instead of based over the internet or on a router, k9 still works when you plug into a land-line for internet. It cannot be removed except by the password holder. However, k9 does not have a program for Linux. For this reason, you may need to block Linux download sites.

There is a program called Virtual Box, which acts as a separate operating system on your computer. Whatever operating system is on Virtual Box should have k9 put on it too. You also have the option to block websites that offer downloads of Virtual Box.

Router Web Filter

For your router, use settings through openDNS to block categories and similar sites. Your individual router will also do this. This a good place to block sites for downloading Linux and Virtual Box.

Proxy sites are another issue. Basically, you ask another computer to access a website and then that computer gives you the website. Therefore, you have bypassed router blocks to access a website. Both k9 and openDNS block proxy sites, but they don't catch all of them. Proxy sites are constantly being set up and taken down. It just takes more time to find new proxy sites. That extra time allows you or someone else time to rethink the decision. (Proxy sites can be used in good ways in places where freedom of speech is limited.)

For Good or Bad

Overall, the internet is a neutral tool that can be used for good or bad. We can expand our minds, connect with others, telecommute with the internet. Or feed addictions, expose ourselves to criminals, and more. So protect yourself and others using these programs, so you can enjoy the good the internet has to offer.

What web filters, antivirus, and anti-spyware programs have worked for you?

Beware of Social Media and Use It Wisely

(Much of the information in this post comes from my computer savvy husband.)

So many of us have Facebook or Twitter accounts. We have LinkedIn profiles and so forth. We can use social media to our benefit or to our detriment. Many of us love to share our thoughts and pictures with others.

In general, consider what you post as available to the entire world. Avoid putting personal information such as birth dates, addresses, certain photos, and your daily habits. People can use this information to steal your identity, stalk you, or break into your home. Victims of abuse should use more caution since abusers can find them more easily through social media. You have to weigh your options.

Facebook has some advantages and disadvantages. You can adjust your privacy settings, but that isn't full-proof. You can block people from seeing your wall. Facebook does not respect your privacy when it comes to sharing information with government entities. Police have full access in the United States to your wall and any private messages you send. Most police and politicians are fine, but not all. Some police and politicians use this as a way to exact revenge and stalk others. Also, abusers who work for law enforcement have access to their victims' accounts.

I don't know as much about Twitter, but I do know more about their privacy record dealing with the government. Twitter will not reveal your messages to any government entity unless a court orders it. Even then, Twitter will fight for your privacy.

LinkedIn is unreliable. It does little to protect your information and password. So if you use LinkedIn, use a different password from all of your other accounts.

Recently, someone found a flaw in internet security where it's possible for hackers to easily get your password. This flaw has been fixed on many websites, but you should change all your passwords anyway. You can't be sure any hacker hasn't already stolen your password before the flaw was found.