Nocturnal Geometry

Photo by Eileen Davis

Inverted bowl of blackish blue 

Over rural acute-angled roofs, 

Girls giggle, bouncing on canvas circle. 

Then circumference springs support reclined friends 

Musing of sacred mysteries. 

Soon we slumber under Perseus’s protection.

- ---

Under beams of immortal moon, 

Westward of any plotted town, 

Youth leaders guide my eyes 

Through magnified lenses 

Upon reflective rocks, 

Cratered orbs, clouded globes, 

Dusted iced rock ovals-- 

Mere mirrors of superior suns. 

----

Under shroud of bluish black

Adjacent steepled spaces,

Sacred silence encompasses.

My gaze reaches Orion’s belt.

Unlike Orion who hunted beasts,

We’d hunted, nay gathered, ancestors home,

Mortals to achieve immortal mansions.

----

Like spilled milk across dark granite top, 

Within wire perimeters,

Feet sink in the grass,

My finger aims to Polaris

Guiding my son's eyes above.

Two dippers stream celestial serene, 

Intersect upon our axis.

----

Beneath sky's stalactites

Over suburban pentagonal homes 

Lighted linear paths, darkened rectangle yards 

My house obscured; no lights left on. 

Two perched on back porch steps. 

Warm wind brushes over our squared legs; 

Two entwined hands triangulate. 

As one outstretched grasp, 

our corporeal compass circumscribes 

Charted pinpoints, like glimmering glass fragments, 

Pressed upon a mosaic map. 

I capture the moments throughout my life where I have gazed at the stars and been infused with God's love. I refer to a sleepover, stargazing at a Young Women's activity, looking at Orion's belt after doing baptisms for the dead in the Monticello Latter-day Saint temple, and stargazing with my sons and my husband.

Let's See Ourselves as More Than One-dimensional

Red Canyon displays the diversity of Earth

Many times we look at ourselves in the mirror and only notice our physical appearance. We pick on one feature we dislike or preen at another feature we like. For me, I focus too much on my obesity. Yet, we often neglect to see ourselves as multidimensional--like a disco ball. We are so much more: our talents, weaknesses, memories, knowledge, thoughts, and feelings. We may take that perspective outward to judge others based on their most obvious characteristic too.

Indeed, we have let ourselves be categorized in so many ways by race, ethnicity, religion, political persuasion, beliefs, sexuality, gender expression, nationality, and so on. These categories can be useful to help us identify our past, our needs, our beliefs, and so on if we keep it in perspective that we are multi-dimensional human beings. The harm comes when we focus only on one identity of ourselves or one identity of another person.

Overview

1. A mask says nothing about the person behind it.
2. An obsession with race can lead to enmity, but it can be a jumping point to understand our heritage better.
3. Labels for sexual orientation can lead to a greater personal understanding when kept in perspective.
4. We need to love our personal diversity (including weaknesses) in order to love others.
5. Growth comes from responsible reactions to a diversity of thought, culture, etc.

Only the Mask

This last year has taught us the preciousness of our physical bodies. We are taking so many actions to protect our physical bodies. However, we have judged one another based on the outward appearance of "obedience" to these actions. We judge a person on whether they wear a mask or not as if that determines their intelligence, political party, or religious affiliation.

We have taken this one measure to determine so much about a person. Some judge an unmasked person as being stupid, lazy, uncaring, disobedient, etc. Others judge the masked as woke, snobbish, liberal, unAmerican, stupid, etc. This piece of cloth tells us nothing about a person's character besides that they are wearing a mask.

We don't know their health history, their attitudes, their vaccination status, their compassion, or their political affiliation based on a mask.

But we can ask someone why they wear or don't wear a mask to understand them better. I know people who differ on mask-wearing for similar reasons.

Only Race

When we become hung up on race as a sole identifier, we may think our race is either superior or inferior. And we may view other races as either superior or inferior. Thus, enmity can distort our view that someone is an oppressor or a weakling, or it develops into self-hate or self-conceit. Either outcome denies the beauty of our personal and societal diversity.

Overall, we don't need to be prideful or humiliated by our skin color. Instead, we can let our skin color show us our heritage, our culture, and our human diversity. For example, I know my ancestors are most likely Northern Europeans because I am pale with freckles. Surprisingly, I also have some Semitic DNA (though my mom hasn't found a link in her family history research).

Sadly, sometimes certain characteristics have been attached to race. We may mistakenly associate whites with bigotry, blacks with stupidity, or Asians with excessive achievement. The list goes on. With any of these stereotypes, we create division with a member of our race or another race. When we look at more than skin color, we see a diversity of ideas too.

Our differences of experience, skin tone, and ideas provide us the opportunity to see new perspectives. Thus, diversity and opposition produce greater progress scientifically, spiritually, politically, or emotionally. Ultimately, it is part of our journey toward objective truth.

Only Sexuality

I recognized my occasional same-sex attraction since my junior year in high school but didn't have a label for it. In the 90s, only lesbian and gay labels floated as alternative sexual orientations. I still felt attraction toward males, so I knew I wasn't a lesbian. In the 2010s, I heard the label bisexual and asexual. Then I had a term for my sexuality: bisexual. It helped to have this label so I could process my sexuality as one of my many dimensions.

Some have an "us vs. them" mentality toward sexuality that focuses only on heterosexuality vs. LGBTQIA. Some straight people feel the need to identify as allies. Others call LGBTQIA the alphabet people (you have to admit the acronym keeps getting longer). This focus on only sexual identity creates division within our communities.

LGBTQIA individuals may feel alone, divided within themselves, or cluster in groups according to sexuality. Their allies and these individuals band together sometimes excluding those who disagree. Some persecute LGBTQIA individuals, whether intentional or not. In the end, both may resort to defensiveness. Hopefully, when we focus on loving the whole individual instead, the division and defensiveness will fall away concerning sexual orientation.

I know LGBTQIA individuals struggle to see themselves multi-faceted, which can lead to suicidal ideation. For example, David Archuleta had trouble even acknowledging his gayness to himself within his belief system, so he felt he needed to die by suicide. Sadly, he had difficulty seeing he could be gay and a Latter-day Saint Christian simultaneously (I know it's a tricky balance). He has a difficult road ahead of him, whatever path he takes. Plus, I am so glad he is still around.

Personally, I felt unity when I "came out" as bisexual to friends and family (I told my husband when I realized it myself). One sister was surprised, one sister knew it intuitively, one brother said he loved me, and my mom opined about the origin of my feelings, but all my family said they loved me. Then I shared my orientation on social media in a post about tribalism. No one commented on my sexuality. I felt unsure about that, but the non-reaction revealed to me that my friends and family view all of me already.

I hope others have similar social support. In my experience, it helps when relationships are rooted in more than one identity. In fact, having respect for disagreeing disagreeably makes a relationship stronger.

Love Yourself More Wholly to Love Others

Since self-hate often begins with thinking errors, it can be reversed through developing healthier thinking patterns.

I follow one person on Twitter who I notice can be harsh toward other people who profess different opinions (race, religion, culture, etc. don't play a factor). I wondered at her harshness until I saw a post about how she is harsh with herself. It clicked. Her frequent negative self-talk saps her energy to love herself and those ideologically different from her.

So how can we love ourselves more (to love others)? Truly, there isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. First, we need to remember we are intrinsic and eternal beings full of potential. Second, we need to address our physical needs--food, movement, sleep, needed medication, etc.--so our brains have the energy to rewire themselves. Finally, we can practice mindfulness, gratitude, and recognizing thinking errors (cognitive behavioral therapy). With practice, we can replace negative self-talk with realistic, kind, and positive self-talk.

The Value of Diversity

As humans we desire homeostasis--we don't want to rock the boat. But with the diversity within our own selves and the diversity of others combats that status quo. We cannot stay the same because we are in constant flux as we rub shoulders. Overall, we can use diversity, change, and opposition to create greater beauty.

We can let our beauty be like multi-faceted disco balls reflecting a rainbow of colors on each other and on the dance floor.

We are beautiful.

New Mattress, New Job, New Year to Better Sleep

Photo by Author

 

Since my husband started working from home because of the pandemic, I have subconsciously taken advantage of that fact. I know he can tackle the morning routine without me, even if it's half-shod. Midnight used to be staying up late for me on weekdays, but it became 1 am or 2 am during the pandemic. I felt so stressed and wanted downtime--"me" time. Some nights I waited until 3 or 4 am.

I know lots of other parents stay up later for "me" time too. I totally get it. It feels so blissful to do housework, homework, or hobbies during this time with no interruptions. Maybe other parents fall into a pattern of procrastinating at bedtime because you don't want to face another difficult day too. Just one more hour of silence, please.

Revenge Procrastination

“Revenge bedtime procrastination” describes the decision to sacrifice sleep for leisure time that is driven by a daily schedule lacking in free time.

-Eric Suni on Sleep Foundation website

So I have been working on sleep hygiene for years, but it hasn't been as critical before having kids (BTW, bipolar and PTSD affect my sleep too). I could make my own work or school schedule when single. My revenge procrastination has also contributed to considerable weight gain. Last September I finally contacted a health trainer who is now specializing in helping moms. We've set small goals that I can be successful at. It helps on and off, but I am making some progress.

I had also been discussing a part-time job with my previous counselor. She thought it would help me revamp my bedtime. After all, we've been working on my sleep hygiene for five years. I started applying for jobs three months ago.

A Small Responsibility: a New Job

This has been a catch-22 for me if I have a responsibility in the morning. When I have multiple appointments, I can stress for several hours at night. I try to keep the stress at bay by "relaxing" more. This is the ultimate procrastination revenge.

But some small responsibilities have encouraged me to seek rest at an earlier time. Before the pandemic, I had to get my son on the bus in the morning. I still skirted the edge of a good bedtime--7-8 hours before I have to wake last minute--but I did it. When my husband switched to remote work, I knew I didn't have to take children to the bus or to school. Thus, my sleep habits worsened.

As hinted above, I started a new job outside my home beginning of this year. Now I am retiring two to three hours earlier because I am accountable to someone else. I know I need to function to perform my work duties. And I am "rewarded" with a paycheck. Perhaps, a reward may motivate you too.

Having a job may not work for some parents. It depends on the work hours and the work atmosphere. I looked for a part-time job so I still had downtime for other parts of the day. I still have time for my kids too. Personally, a full-time job would increase my anxiety since I would be away from my family longer.

Now my husband reports he has seen me more since I began working part-time. I wake in the morning and help with preparing our sons for school. I am also awake in the evenings.

I also found I retire earlier when I have an activity to look forward to. For example, when I scheduled my physical therapy appointments in the morning, I retired slightly earlier. I know I have pain relief coming. Additionally, I look forward to socializing with others at work and having tasks that end, unlike housework.

A New Bed

"By the end there, I was barely hanging on."

-My husband's description of dozing with me on a queen bed

Last year my lower back hurt so much I couldn't sleep at night. This created a cycle of pain preventing sleep and sleep deprivation increasing sensitivity to pain. So I looked for some solutions to sleep. My brother suggested a two-sided body pillow for side sleepers. I ordered one and it helped relieve some pain.

Additionally, my husband and I needed a new bed after tossing and turning on our queen bed for several years. I sprawled across most of the bed and hogged the covers, so my husband felt colder and scrunched on 1/3 of the bed. (My husband corrected me when he read this section: he had "1/5 of the bed".)

We settled on a king-size Serta memory foam mattress with cooling "technology". Now both my husband and I sink into the memory foam with room to spare. The memory foam (plus physical therapy and stretching) has almost erased my lower back pain. Now I rarely need the body pillow and I can stand for more than an hour. I also look forward to my mattress keeping me cool during the summer months.

So what is useful to look for in a mattress to improve your sleep? For me, it came down to size, firmness, pain relief, and my sleeping position. Other factors may include allergy prevention or a partner's different needs. For example, one couple I know have different sleeping preferences, so they chose a sleep number bed.

For a guide to buying a mattress, check out this article by Good Housekeeping.

I Never Regret Retiring Early

Children may complain about an early bedtime, but I've rarely heard any adult regretting going to bed early. Have you? Last Fall, I had the realization that I have never regretted going to bed early. The moment I hit the pillow, I only regret staying up later and wonder why I avoided my soft bed and firm pillow so long.

After writing about sleep, now I want to fall asleep. Are you ready for a good night's rest too?

If you enjoyed this article, please consider tipping or pledging so I can pay off my new bed. Or you can keep your money for your new bed.

How the Grinch Stole Thanksgiving

Photo by Author

Music Schpiel

I really think the Grinch stole Thanksgiving and replaced it with Halloween hoopla and early Christmas decorating. Of course, I may be a grinch because I am annoyed with the blaring Christmas music on the radio. It starts November 1 and goes until New Year's. I can't find pop, soft rock, or rock-n-roll on any station. Only the rowdy "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" and "Here Comes Santa Claus". Probably the music, in general, turns me off, which is why I prefer only five weeks. We miss out on grateful songs like "For the Beauty of the Earth" or "Thankful" by Kelly Clarkson. Then maybe we can move into the more mellow spirituals, like Amy Grant's 1992 Christmas album, mixed with the rowdy songs after Black Friday.

Spending Time Together

I remember Thanksgivings of visiting with aunts, uncles, and cousins. One cousin and I played board games for hours. Of course, her brother and my brother hogged the Nintendo 64, so we could never play on that. Thanksgiving seemed magical too when I only had to peel a few potatoes and set the table. As an adult and mother, Thanksgiving has less "magical" appeal but is still a grateful time to gather with family. (By the way, THANK YOU to my parents and extended family who hosted Thanksgiving dinner for many years.)

When we rush into Christmas planning shopping, I believe we neglect the calm moments with family and friends.

As a teenager, I overlooked the importance of family to participate in high school plays. In my Freshman year, the school play called for a set of triplets. The student director cast my two redheaded, freckled, scrawny classmates and me as the triplets, but the schedule ran through Thanksgiving week. After I announced I had the part, my mom was not happy. As the high school assistant librarian, my mom knew how stubborn the drama teacher could be. She never budged on the three performances Thanksgiving week, particularly Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, despite students and parents asking her to. After all, Wednesday night constituted the largest audience since many extended families returned to rural Blanding. However, my older siblings and extended family lived in Northern Utah, Idaho, and Arizona--all 5-10 hours away.

In the end, my parents accommodated their plans for me and we left Thursday morning. But my immediate family and I missed extra time with my older siblings and extended family. I hope I thanked my parents. Now I wonder if it was fair my drama teacher demanded those around her accommodate their plans to hers, or that I insisted on being in the play.

The Benefits of Gratitude

But there is no medication or operation that can fix the many spiritual woes and maladies that we face.

There is, however, a remedy — one that may seem surprising — because it flies in the face of our natural intuitions. Nevertheless, its effects have been validated by scientists as well as men and women of faith.

I am referring to the healing power of gratitude.

-Russell M. Nelson

Personally, I found healing power myself in expressing gratitude. Several years ago, I wrote "three good things" in my journal almost nightly after I learned of it in a women's support group. This act of expressing gratitude helped me overcome some depression and love my family more.

After Russell M. Nelson's broadcast on November 20, 2020, many friends and family took his challenge to express gratitude on social media. Many of us felt a sense of unity when we couldn't physically gather. Some close high school friends and I chatted over Zoom, which buoyed our spirits. It also healed a lot of bitter feelings for me after the contentious 2020 election.

So I repeat, we need Thanksgiving this week and beyond.

Don't let the grinch steal your Thanksgiving this year.

The Journey of Drawing a Rainbow through a Veil

 Original Inspiration

I hadn’t written poems for most of my high school senior year because I had been super busy. I studied poetic devices in greater depth in AP English literature and wanted to play with alliteration symbolizing wind. I envisioned a woman who asks the weeping willow tree about WW2 European battles. I wrote the poem "Weeping Willow" but hadn't illustrated anything until Spring 2021--a few willow branches with raindrops.

Further Inspiration

After two relatives passed away this summer, my brother wanted to create paintings about life and the afterlife to give to the children. My brother asked if I would do some of the artwork. Since I had been dabbling with coloring/drawing with markers for eight months, I thought I'd try my hand with markers. A mental vision of willow branches as a veil, rain as tears, and a rainbow of hope emerged from my earlier idea.

Drawing branches Photo by Author

The Branches and Rain

I started with some branches using Crayola's "Colors of the World" markers. On my first three branches, I alternated green leaves with a Sharpie marker and a Papermate marker. The Papermate green marker rubbed off on my right hand, so I kept wiping it off. I used a random brown marker to darken the connection of the leaves and the branch. It looked wrong, so I tried blending it with a light skin tone Crayola marker. The branches turned out thicker than I wanted, but it was now permanent. I removed the random marker from my art markers.

Using the light skin tone marker, I drew a line through the leaves too causing the Papermate marker ink to blend with the Crayola marker ink. I felt a little concerned. However, when I viewed the dried product the next morning, I liked the bleeding effect and the paler tone. For some of the leaves, I added green in again. That green turned out darker.

With each branch, I outlined the leaves then filled them in. I ensured each marker stroke followed the outline's direction. Next, I shaded with dark green lines. I outlined the raindrops then filled them in with ultra-fine point aquamarine or light blue markers. I first drew a circle of white as my highlight to draw around. About half the time, the white spot stayed. On the aquamarine drops, I shaded them with light blue. On the light blue drops, I shaded them with light gray. Next, I shaded all the raindrops with royal blue. Finally, I darkened the branch and drew a line through the middle of the leaves with a Color of the World marker.

Washing Off Marker

While drawing the final branches, my toddler squiggled near the upper right corner. The marker was washable, so I hoped a wet rag could take it off. It did! I wiped off other smudges too. However, this doesn't work on the Sharpie markers or regular paper that soaks in ink.

The Rainbow

I felt nervous about drawing the rainbow arc because I had no circle big enough to trace the lines. My brother had shared with me how to draw circles when he showed me his first painting. He used a string with a pencil attached to the end. Hold the string still on one end while drawing the circumference. This video illustrates it in the last example, but I wouldn't use a pin.

Instead of a pin, my husband held the string on the bottom left corner while I drew the first arc. On the second arc, I noticed the arc had shifted. My husband said I needed to keep the pencil in the same position. I redrew the second arc an inch apart. I repeated the process solo adding an inch of string for the next arc. I felt so proud that I had drawn such a clean arc.

Filling in the rainbow, I had difficulty choosing hues because I only had bold hues in my fine point marker inventory. I would run out of ink using the muted ultra-fine point markers. I chose bold colors anyway. First, I traced the pencil line and branches with the ultra-fine markers in each color. Second, I filled in with the fine point markers while keeping my lines arched. Finally, I applied darker shades of green and blue to the leaves and raindrops.

The Background

How would I fill such a large background space only using markers and not run out of ink? I pondered and concluded I could smudge the water-based markers. I bought small sponge paintbrushes at Hobby Lobby.

First, I squiggled blue or green between the leaves. Second, I dipped the sponge brush in water and squeezed out excess water. Third, I used the sponge to smudge the marker. Some of the leaf ink smudged too. Fourth, I patted the excess water off the canvas with a paper towel. Fifth, I rinsed out the brush between smudges.

Finally, I outlined the leaves and raindrops that faded into the background, especially the leaves that had bled. I kept thinking the art piece needed more, but I told myself it was time to be done. I let the canvas dry overnight and I felt pleased with the smudged background in the morning.

Still, the temptation loomed to shade more. But I let the urge go. The piece was good enough.

The Symbolism

We all have struggles when we can't see through the metaphorical veil of tears. But there is a promise, God's promise, at the end of the storm. A rainbow will appear to remind us of the promise of better days. We can have hope during our painful times. We can find the color amid the gray.

There is hope.

Lehi High Chemistry Teacher Let Fear Turn into Bullying Some Students

Learning from this teacher’s mistakes, how can we channel our fear into positive outcomes?

Via Public Domain Photos

Scrolling through Facebook, a post mentioned chemistry teacher Leah Kinyon’s berating students on the first day of school. I searched through the news and my Facebook feed. Some parents on Facebook understandably called for her to be fired. After school on the first day, Alpine School District put the teacher on administrative leave. In the afternoon, the district announced she is no longer an employee (either fired or resigned).

After watching videos and reading comments, I determined Kinyon acted out of fear. She has let her fear of COVID-19, Trumpism, climate change, and anti-LGBTQIA sentiment turn into secondary anger toward others. Her anger manifested as intimidation, bullying, and name-calling toward some students and their parents for several years. Some parents and students feel fear from her actions too. In a way, Kinyon’s actions and the student’s actions represent how we all react to fear.

How can we address these fears in positive ways?

Summary

• Address fear of the pandemic to civil advocacy of your beliefs
• Apply the scientific method to parents’ beliefs
• Understand the fear LGBTQIA and their families face, and the fear on the other side. Understand that we can disagree agreeably about LGBTQIA issues and achieve a compromise of “fairness for all.”
• Recognize free will creates chaos in a democracy
• Address abuse with the offender and then authorities kindly and privately
• Strive to love those outside your circle

Coping with the Pandemic

Many of us fear the effects of COVID-19 and government policies, which fear may manifest as anger or despair. For Kinyon, she fears unvaccinated students passing the COVID variants to her and her family. She understands the suffering it has caused and feels frustrated others aren’t doing their part, just as we all feel about our “side”. 

In our fear, like Kinyon’s, we sometimes place blame on human “spreaders” for the suffering and death caused by the Covid-19 virus. We hate that we can’t control the virus because it isn’t a flesh and blood enemy to conquer. Instead, we dehumanize anyone not following our rules into the virus to retain our false sense of control. After all, we have some ability to control people. Yet we balk when others resent or defy our control over their free will. We justify banning free will under the banner of “right to life.” We fail to see that suffering or dying from the virus is a natural cause. No human deprived someone of their right to life. Nature did.

We can acknowledge the loss of control, to find what is within our individual control, such as personal hygiene and vaccination. We can share our experiences to encourage others to do the same. For example, Kinyon could be a compassionate advocate for the vaccine. She congratulated one student on the vaccine. Why not encourage, instead of shaming, others to vaccinate too?

Instead of turning to anger or despair, we can turn our fear into action, hope, and courage. Hope that the vaccine offers better protection. Hope that the virus is rarely fatal. Hope that we can adjust and thrive despite a virus. Courage to serve others in time of need. Courage to wear a mask, or not to wear a mask. Courage to maintain and encourage civility. 

What positive emotions do you turn your fear into?

Examining Parents Opinions VS Calling for Rebellion

Kinyon drew on teenagers’ desire to question or rebel against what their parents believe. She stated, “My parents were freakin’ dumb!” and that her world opened up after she stopped believing them. She admonished students to follow suit. This statement shows she has partially stayed in a rebellious mindset. Instead, this science teacher could teach students to apply the scientific method, to rigorously examine their parents’ political and scientific beliefs. Then let students form their own conclusions from presented facts, so they may adopt, adapt, or reject their parents’ beliefs. In this way, Kinyon could have promoted healthy independence.

Have you changed your childhood beliefs? Why?

Caring for LGBTQIA Individuals and Others

Bullying and shunning LGBTQIA individuals happen in Utah despite the urging of political and spiritual leaders to love them. According to the 2019 SHARP survey, LGB students experienced about 30% more suicidal ideation than heterosexual students. During my high school years, two classmates expressed their fear negatively that suicide or bestiality was better than being homosexual. Thus, when I felt same-sex attraction as a junior, I panicked. These attitudes, the weaponization of traditional marriage, and a subculture of perfectionism contribute to the LGBTQ suicidal ideation in Utah.

So I get why Kinyon fears for the LGBTQIA students as a Gay-Straight Alliance mentor. She wants to help them feel accepted and loved. However, her fearful approach backfires because she is excluding those who disagree with her (evidenced by “Get out!” in the video). Her exclusive approach alienates those who disagree on LGBTQ issues, instead of inviting them to the discussion where persuasion usually happens. Maybe on her better days, she shows kindness to all students when she sets aside politics.

How can we show love for both LGBTQIA individuals and others? 

Understand Free Will is Chaotic

Politics in a democracy center around free will and persuasion, thus multitudinous viewpoints. The hope is to argue the points kindly, listen to others, adjust positions, and hopefully find solutions fair for everyone. This process appears contentious and chaotic at times when everyone can voice their opinion. Why other countries consider Americans crazy! We will step on each other’s toes. We will offend each other (there is no right to not be offended). What one person does will affect another person. Yet that doesn’t mean someone has always violated another’s free will when it is a natural consequence.

We circumvent the free exchange of ideas when we engage in name-calling, shaming, shunning, or any other method to control another. Because Kinyon fears the influence of Trump and his supporters in the US, she intimidated students with Trumpist views to shut down their speech. This type of attitude on any side of the debate hurts the democratic process.

Kinyon also allowed her burnout and students’ comments to fester her. Understandably, she expressed her frustration, but in the wrong place and time. She probably needs mental rest, like the rest of us.

What do you do to rejuvenate your mind before a difficult discussion?

Overcome Fear to Report Bullying and Abuse

According to parents and students on my Facebook feed, Leah Kinney has acted similarly for eight years. Comments implied students had reported her behavior before. Maybe she received discipline. If she did, it failed to correct the mistakes. Sadly, it took a video to social media to initiate correction. Eric Moutsos revealed Kinyon’s name, workplace, and appearance, which publicly shamed her whether Moutsos intended to or not. Moutsos could have withheld identifying details and blurred her face in the video to let the content speak for itself.

The victims, or students, in Kinney’s case, feel intimidated because the teacher has power over them. I understand that fear as a student. In fifth grade, Mr. L. told D.S., “Damn you to hell” and threatened to paddle us with “Big Bertha” for disobedience. I circulated a classroom petition for him to stop swearing (really verbal abuse). Mr. L. justified to weepy me that he only used biblical words. I directed my fear into action to rectify a problem. Yet I didn’t know to report the verbal abuse to the principal, or even higher.

In my experience schools create an insular space where others fear to report harassment and bullying because of indifferent administrators. For example, I experienced retaliation when I reported workplace harassment as a school substitute. I privately addressed my concerns to the offender, then the school administration yet all justified her badgering. Days later, I received a notice that the substitute agency banned me from subbing at that school due to my “contentious and unprofessional” behavior. Despite my suicidality upon receiving the news, I engaged that fear to report to the district’s human resources department and the substitute agency’s local representative. HR and the representative concluded I could sub the next year at that school, and they would address the teacher’s behavior confidentially. I discovered the agency’s policy was to ban subs at schools whenever the faculty reported issues. In other words, retaliation against subs is a de facto policy.

Those reporting infractions show courage for their actions because of the potential fallout. Yet it matters how and why they report too. Reporting abuse needs to make an effort to correct — not punish — the offender and support the victim. In our society, some desire to destroy and avenge the offender. Both sides deserve love.

What happened when you blew the whistle? Why did you do it?

Love Your Enemies

Kinyon and most of us easily love those who show loyalty and have similar beliefs. We enjoy it when someone aligns their free will with ours. We may create a “tribe” of loyal friends that eventually excludes others. When someone threatens a friend, we defend our tribe, in turn attacking another “tribe.” Hurt feelings may fester into enmity. Thus, we need to remove our mental barriers and expand our circle to those with different viewpoints. And to those who hurt us too within certain boundaries.

Poem: Noon Day Sun

He hangs by nails

Above rocks of skull

The noon sun fails

Black clouds overfull

Three hours of dark

Three hours of pain

Three hours no spark

Three hours dark reigns

The guttural cry

The final plea

His breaths die

His Spirit rests free

Rocks slash ajar

Graves yield their saints

The earth shudders

A soldier utters:

“Truly, this was the Son of God”

Behind hewn rock,

His body stays

Earthen waves shock

Lightning strikes blaze

Two angels declare:

“He is gone; He is risen”

Women search elsewhere

For He fled death’s prison

Brighter than noon day sun

He parts the clouds

He blesses one by one

His love enshrouds

Truly He is the Son of God

Don't Fear Man, Trust God

We are afraid of the COVID-19 pandemic affecting us or our loved ones at this time. 

The newspapers report daily counts of COVID-19 deaths. It increases our anxiety. We also cannot connect in person with more than those that we live with currently. We maintain six feet separation from others. As our fear increases, we need ways to combat that fear.

Personally, I have found that counseling, writing, and religious observance has eased my fears. I believe that my faith in God has helped me the most through this time. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us and are aware of our pain.

My greatest fear, and any parent’s fear, is losing a child. I almost lost my son a year ago when he accidentally strangled himself with a jump rope. He was unresponsive and blue. My husband revived him, but then we feared what bodily or brain damage he would have. My son fully recovered with no damage except some ligature marks on his neck. I don’t believe they are even visible now.

My fears continued as I struggled to let my sons play outside. My husband and I had frequent night terrors of my son’s lifeless body. Through counseling, prayer, and priesthood blessings, my fear has greatly lessened. I still have some night terrors. I can handle letting my sons play in the backyard. I remind myself that they most likely won’t die. My son’s accident was a random accident.

As many parents feel, I feared what others would think of me if I were a careless parent, or worse. I had seen people rip into the Utah family of the boy who lost his arm to the neighbor dogs only weeks before. Animal activists cared more for the dogs than the boy’s fate or the family’s well-being. Would others attack me like they had that family? Would I have my children taken away?

I reminded myself that it matters more what God thinks of me more than other people. People are flawed; our Heavenly Parents and Jesus Christ are perfect.

Only God’s opinion matters. And only He heals.

In high school, I read Doctrine and Covenants 122:9 where God comforts Joseph Smith while he is incarcerated in Liberty Jail:

“Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.”

I wrote a poem because of how strongly the verse spoke to me. I remembered Corrie ten Boom who had survived Ravensbruck concentration camp during World War 2 as I wrote the poem. I repeat these lines when I need to calm my fears:

Do not fear what man can do
For I am with you.

I am your Guard
When the times get hard.

I am your Hiding Place
When you can’t face.

I am your Rock
To whom you can knock.

I am your Friend
Beyond this life’s end.

I am the One who died
So death could be defied.

I am the One:
Only Begotten Son.

What fears do you currently face? Do you have a way to cope with them?

I employed the different metaphors and quotes of Jesus Christ while writing this poem. Here is a list of verses that match:

“fear not…” Doctrine and Covenants 122:9; Psalm 27:1

Guard or shield- Psalm 3:3

Hiding Place or hid in Christ- Psalm 27:5; Colossians 3:3; D&C 86:9

Rock- Helaman 5:12 (Book of Mormon); Matthew 7:24

Only Begotten- John 3:16

Three Ways to Brighten this Holiday Season

It’s been a tough year and we can create more light this holiday season.

Via Public Domain Pictures

Some have dubbed the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn in the night sky as the “Christmas star” this holiday season. During this year, we have sought meaning from celestial events just as the ancients did. We want the heavens to provide answers for us today. As we seek answers from the heavens, we can also seek answers within to brighten this holiday season. We just need to be more creative this year. 

1. Use Technology to Gather

Luckily, we have better technology than what Skype used to be at the height of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? popularity. The options include Zoom, FaceTime, Google Duo, Skype, and so many others. Each option has strengths and weaknesses. Personally, my family and I use Zoom to gather virtually each Sunday.

Video chat software has been such a blessing during this time, so we can still gather in some form. I especially love being able to see and hear my siblings, nieces, and nephews who live thousands of miles away. I can also safely gather with my parents who live locally when any of us feel ill.

The distance can feel smaller as we engage the two senses of sight and hearing to gather. At Thanksgiving, my high school girlfriends and I chatted like it was yesterday. We visually and aurally shared laughs and tears over our triumphs and struggles.

So this holiday season, use video chat for the first or the hundredth time to gather virtually. Try out the different options.

How have you gathered using technology? 

2. Go Old School: Use Snail Mail

A handwritten note feels special and it stands out from all the junk mail. We eagerly anticipate its content as we can peruse it over and over. This is also a physical object that we can keep for years to come. Besides, other communications disappear into the cloud. 

Before my grandma died in September, I sent her letters because she couldn’t answer her telephone anymore. I don’t know if she read my letters, but I know I tried. Since my grandma had sent me cards and letters for almost four decades, she deserved a few notes near the end of her life. Thankfully, I still have some of my letters from my grandma and other friends and relatives.

So write and send a letter. It may be late in the season for mail to arrive on time, but it will still mean much to the recipient.

Do you enjoy sending or receiving physical letters?

3. Give of Your Time and Talents

Many of us are under financial strain during this time so we can’t afford the usual store-bought gifts. But we generally have time or talents that we can share at little or no cost. For example, my mother-in-law recorded herself reading children’s books so she could share literature with her grandchildren. She borrowed library books for free and used her phone that she already pays for to create a video. Without spending much, my sons enjoyed seeing and hearing Grandma and Grandpa tell funny stories.

With household members, we can spend physical time together playing board games, putting together puzzles, or cooking together. And if we are particularly tired, we can watch a movie.

To give time to those farther away, we can call or instant message them. Some have found creative ways to still spend time together long distance. For example, my nieces and nephews play board games through video chat with friends. Each player sets up their own board and moves their pieces and their opponents’ pieces throughout gameplay.

During this time, many have found ways to virtually share their talents. Several of my musical friends post their videos playing music or singing on social media. In my amateur singing voice, I recorded myself singing Edelweiss in German to share with my dad who served in Germany for two years.

How will you spend time together (or apart) this season? Have you shared any talents as presents before?

Shine Light in the Darkness

As celestial lights guide us during the night, we need each other’s light to guide one another through the proverbial night this year. We can try these three ideas and many others. Really, the stars are the limit.

Struggling to Write

 My brain is either too tired or too wired to write

Via Public Domain Pictures

Since I was ten years old, I have been writing stories and dreamed of being published. Many novelists have the same dream from a young age, so I am one of many. It is about finishing a work, yet I struggle to finish.

Today I am tired after substituting a kindergarten class, taking my son to the clinic, and making dinner. I want to write fiction, but that doesn’t come as easily to me. I have trained myself to write a blog post over the last six years. It is harder to get back into writing fiction seriously.

I have been too tired for sixteen years since leaving on my Latter-day Saint mission. During the mission, I only wrote letters. After I came home early, I reordered my life to cope with my new diagnosis of bipolar 2. I worked two jobs until marriage. Then I worked more, attended college, fell asleep after work, and had children. I felt tired for 9 years. After my third son, I managed to have some energy to blog and ghostwrite two novellas. Then I felt too tired during my fourth pregnancy. About two years later, I felt I could blog again. In the meantime, I wrote several chapters in several books. I made minute progress and then I lost interest.

Having bipolar 2, my brain is also wired at times. I have many shiny new ideas for novels (and blog posts) that I never finish. I start some novels but struggle to go beyond a week or month. I become bored with the project. In high school and college, I managed to write “novels” of 20,000 words. They were rough drafts that became second drafts. I sent these to publishers with no bites. I understand why I had no bites now. They were not detailed enough. As my creative writing teacher at BYU stated, the novels lacked immediacy. I had mostly dialogue, but no details to ground the reader in the setting or action.

The novels I wrote needed reworking and the plots have changed over time. I have my list of plot ideas for the novellas I wrote in high school and college. Many ideas will fall by the wayside. That’s the nature of the beast.

Currently, I have ideas for a humanoid species who have different powers, such as mind-reading, object-reading, lip-reading, mind control, and empath powers. They are in a hierarchy of who rules over another species. This idea came from the BLM riots. History could be rewritten according to the prejudices and enslaving different “readers.” So far, I have written the creation stories of the mind-readers and lip-readers.

In order to finish many of my partial drafts, I need to reacquaint myself with the characters, settings, and plots. That can take several days or weeks that I just don’t want to “waste” during the hour or so I have time each day. I also find that I want to write about issues currently troubling me. I need to itch that scratch, per se.

What I can finish easily are poems. When my mind catches onto an idea, I can usually write a poem within days. Albeit, they may be excellent poems or mediocre poems. I may rework them later. I know others who struggle writing poetry yet can write fiction quickly. I have that momentary excitement and hyperfocus that can channel writing poetry. Not so much with novels.

Editing is another aspect of my writing. I can catch some errors quickly, while others are not so obvious. Some words I misspell almost every time: piece, niece, opportunity, and so on. Yet I can spell most words with great ease. Grammarly has been very helpful with the self-editing process.

I wondered if I still had my editing prowess since I haven’t been a tutor for 17 years. Recently, a relative and friend asked me to proofread their writing. My skills came back. I recognized error patterns that I could point out and revising for a specific audience. My friend said I retained her writing style, which makes me very pleased. That is the goal of editing: to retain the writer’s style through editorial changes.

Now here I am writing another blog post about writing instead of writing fiction. I can manage some blog posts within 2–4 hours, which is why I usually devote my time to blog posts.

One day I will write fiction with ease again. When my children are older. When my youngest leaves the house. When I finish vacationing during retirement. Okay, maybe that time will never come unless I change my habits.

C’est la vie.