March 05, 2017

Managing Bipolar this Pregnancy

I wrote this after the Orlando shooting last June. I never posted this, I don't know why I didn't immediately. The next day, my peace waned.

At my first ultrasound, the maternal fetal medicine doctor said that pregnant women urinate or metabolize their medication faster during the third trimester of pregnancy. She suggested I visit my psychiatrist before 26 weeks.

My family practice doctor suggested I see the psychiatrist too. He said the pregnancy and medication guidelines have changed. There are no more pregnancy medication categories like X will kill the baby. Each medication has individual guidelines. Whatever medication keeps the mother stable and won't harm the baby. Some medicines just require extra folic acid to prevent cleft palate.

I set up the psychiatric appointment with the expectation that I would need more medication. I felt anxiety over national, local, and family events before going in.

I sought peace about these events. I reminded myself that I am not in control of the world. God is closer than we know. He is watching out for us. My mind grasped the principle of agency. God respects our agency to the point that he lets people do bad things...and good things. Good can only exist in opposition of bad.

So facing my stresses, I walked into my appointment. My psychiatrist surprised me when she said I seemed at peace and relaxed. That I was rolling with the punches...must be the third boy. She kept me on the same dosages. Really? I'm not worse. I'm even doing better?

Truthfully, I feel more at peace even though politics and other events concern me. But I can only do what I can do. I can only influence toward good. Opinions are just opinions. The serenity prayer put me at ease:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
I concentrate on the basics of my spiritual, mental, and physical health. Basically, I go to bed on time more often!

Two nights ago, I couldn't fall asleep and cried that morning. I'm done with being sweaty, uncomfortable, nauseous, and just plain pregnant. My head hurt with congestion and aches from a cold. I wanted my mom! I want the baby OUT.

My husband stayed home that day.

My home is more at peace since my husband feels more at peace too. He has sought for peace with his anxieties. He has made more progress over the past year. We just keep swimming.

I expect my boys to help out. They need to clean some before they can get on the computer. Luckily, two of them are old enough to do harder chores, carry laundry, and capture their toddler brother. Since I can't bend, they are my benders! Since I can't chase a toddler, they are my chasers!

I "called in the cavalry" for my oldest to capture his brother, and now he gladly says he will "call in the cavalry."

My boys complain some, don't always do what I ask, and other times jump at the chance to help. They choose what to do, and luckily, they usually they help out. I hope it's because of the greater peace we strive for in our home.

I go to counseling every 5-8 weeks. My insurance changed, so now I'm in the process of finding a new counselor. I like my previous counselor. I thought of paying the full price for each session, which I did for three months, but I couldn't keep up with that. It has taken me four months to finally call a new counselor.

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